Prince Harry… Mikey Day
Prince Charles… Beck Bennett
Prince William… Alex Moffat
Kate Middleton… Cecily Strong
21 Savage… Chris Redd
James Corden… Aidy Bryant
Tinsley Granger… Emma Stone
Ringo Starr… Pete Davidson
Charlie… Kenan Thompson
Queen Elizabeth… Kate McKinnon
[Starts with a clip of The Duke and Duchess’ Estate] [Cut to Prince Harry vlogging in a his baby shower]
Prince Harry: What’s up? It’s your boy Prince Harry, a.k.a. the Ginger of Windsor, a.k.a. Redhead Redemption 2. I am making this video for you, my future child, to watch when you’re older. We’re going to do a private birth for you, keeping it low-key. But we are having a big baby shower, and I wanted you to come out and see all the people who came to celebrate you. So come on, let’s take a lap. Come on. [Prince Harry walks to his dad Prince Charles] Oh, here we go. Come on. Your grandpa, Prince Charles, right? Say hello, Dad.
Prince Charles: Hello.
Prince Harry: Do you want to say anything to your future grandchild?
Prince Charles: Yes, hello.
Prince Harry: All right. Well said, dad. The people’s prince. [Prince Harry walks away] All right. Who else have we got? Oh, no, there’s James Corden. He’s been at a ten since he got here. [James Corden is dancing and singing] Yeah, yeah. Don’t let him see the camera. He’ll be on us all night, all right? We’re going to meet my brother, your uncle William. Now, I told him it was an ‘80s costume party. He bought it. Ladies and gentlemen, Freddie Mercury. [Prince William is dressed up like Freddie Mercury] Freddie Mercury. You did it. You brought a mic stand.
Prince William: Yes. Don’t I look a pratt. Good evening, my brother. What a fool?
Prince Harry: Oh, he’s mad. Luckily anger is like your hair. Easy come—easy go.
Prince William: Bravo.
Prince Harry: So you brought a gift there.
Prince William: I did, yes. [Prince William shows a baby clothes] A hilarious onesie. “Keep calm and change my nappy.”
[Kate Middleton joins them]
Kate Middleton: All right. William, darling, tell him about the other gift.
Prince William: Oh, right. Also we bought the baby a house.
Prince Harry: Oh, you shouldn’t have.
Prince William: I’ll go get the keys. He’s going to love it. It’s huge.
[Prince William leaves]
Prince Harry: Here she is, your aunt Kate Middleton. The papers keep saying she’s feuding with your mum, but that’s not true.
Kate Middleton: No, we’re not feuding. Why? Why would we? Because I follow all the strict rules and she doesn’t, and people love her for it? I love that. Excuse me.
[Kate Middleton leaves]
Prince Harry: All right. Look who it is fresh off being deported from the US, [Prince Harry runs into 21 Savage] 21 Savage. How different is England from Atlanta, mate?
21 Savage: A lot.
Prince Harry: All right. Still pretty cool though, right?
21 Savage: Nah.
[21 Savage leaves]
Prince Harry: All right. It will grow on you, mate. Oh, James Corden, James Corden. Duck, duck.
[Prince Harry and camera man are hiding. James Corden is looking for them.]
James Corden: Oh, I saw a camera somewhere.
Prince Harry: Picked up the scent. [James Corden is gone] All right. Come on, come on. All right. Look who it is. [Prince Harry runs into Tinsley Granger. She is having champagne. She is a bit drunk] It’s one of my ex-girlfriends, excellent. Ms. Tinsley Granger Gash. Hi Tins. You want to say something to my future child?
Tinsley Granger: Oh! [Tinsley Granger speaks very close to the camera] Hello, little baby. Hello lonely tiny baby.
Prince Harry: A little close, Tins. [Prince Harry pulls Tinsley backwards]
Tinsley Granger: Your dad broke up with me on Whatsapp.
Prince Harry: Okay. So how have you been, Tins?
Tinsley Granger: Splendid, Harry. Splendid. I’m so busy and happy. I’m glad we didn’t make it, Harry. I don’t want to be a duchess and live in a huge house for free. Hi, little baby.
Prince Harry: Maybe ease off the champagne a little bit there.
Tinsley Granger: Kiss me on the mouth, Harry. I’m joking. Do it, though. I’m joking. I’m dating someone anyway. He was in ‘Harry Potter’.
Prince Harry: Oh, who did he play?
Tinsley Granger: Hagrid.
Prince Harry: I’m sorry, what?
Tinsley Granger: [In loud voice] Hagrid.
Prince Harry: Oh, Hagrid, awesome. He’s great. All right, fantastic. Better be off. Thank you Tins.
Tinsley Granger: Bye little baby.
[Prince Harry walks away from Tinsley Granger]
Prince Harry: Stop talking to my future child. Beatle alert, Ringo Starr.
[Ringo Starr passes by the camera]
Ringo Starr: Peace and love.
Prince Harry: All right. I kind of wish it was Paul, but anyway, let’s keep moving. Looking for James Corden. Do not see him, so come on.
[Prince Harry runs into Charlie]
Charlie: Hey, hey, hey, Harry, my man. How is it going? Nice to finally meet you. I’m Charlie. I’m a friend of Meghan’s mom.
Prince Harry: All right. Hey, anything to say to my future child?
Charlie: Oh, sure, sure. How is it going there? There’s a chance that you’re going to come out with usual mama’s skin on the bottom and your daddy’s bright red hair on the top. Yeah, that’s right. You might be black ginger. That’s right. And that’s amazing. You’re going to be like a unicorn. It’s going to be you and Blake Griffin. All right. Stay in school and study hard. Actually, that won’t matter for you. You’re rich and famous. You already hit the lottery. All right. I’ll see you later, kid. Charlie out.
Prince Harry: All right, that was fun. Let’s go look at your gifts. [Prince Harry opens the door and goes inside the room full of gifts] Look at all these gifts. We’re going to donate most of these. [Prince Harry runs into Ego Nwodim] Oh, I’m sorry.
Ego Nwodim: Sorry. I’m Meghan’s cousin. I needed a breather. It’s real British in there. There was a guy wearing a tux eating a sandwich that was just mayonnaise. That’s maximum British.
Prince Harry: It is, yeah.
Ego Nwodim: Anyway, I’ll get out of here.
[Ego Nwodim leaves]
Prince Harry: Yeah, it’s fine. It’s fine. Sorry. All right. We’re going to donate –
[Sound coming from the pile of gifts]
Queen Elizabeth: Help me.
Prince Harry: Oh, someone’s trapped under the gifts. [Prince Harry finds Queen Elizabeth on the floor] Oh, my god, it’s grandma. Grandma, you’re on the floor. What’s going on?
[Prince Charles comes in]
Prince Charles: What happened? Am I king?
Prince Harry: No. Dad, she’s fine.
Prince Charles: Oh, well, good. [Prince Charles leaves]
Prince Harry: Grandma, what happened?
Queen Elizabeth: I was snooping trying to see what the Clooneys got you when an avalanche of boxes hit me.
Prince Harry: Be careful. You want to say hello to your future grandchild?
Queen Elizabeth: Well, hello. Welcome to the family. I already love you with all my heart.
Prince Harry: Oh, grandma.
Queen Elizabeth: Even though you’re half American, which means you’re half traitor.
[Queen Elizabeth leaves]
Prince Harry: All right. Thank you, gran. All right. Last stop, [Prince Harry walks to another door] your mom was taking a little nap in here. So let’s see if she’s awake. She’s absolutely gorgeous. Let’s go see your mom, come on. [ Prince Harry opens the door] Meghan love, are you—[James Corden shows up inside the door]
James Corden: Ha-ha.
Prince Harry: Oh no. James Corden
James Corden: I knew it.
Prince Harry:James Corden. Cut it! Cut it!
[The video cuts]