Political Musical | Season 44 Episode 4

Announcer…..Darrell Hammond

Performer 1…..Aidy Bryant

Performer 2…..Kate McKinnon

Performer 3…..Kyle Mooney

Audience 1…..Beck Bennett

Performer 4…..Melissa Villaseñor

Audience 2…..Chris Redd

Performer 5: Alex Moffat

Audience 3…..Heidi Gardner

Audience 4…..Mikey Day

[ Images of Broadway in NYC. ]

Announcer: It’s New York City, and Broadway’s the place to be. But why not go off-Broadway where they’re not afraid to go there. [ Cut to a screen that reads “Not afraid to GO THERE.”] Introducing ‘Divided We Stand.’ [ Cut to the outside of a theatre with ‘Divider We Stand’ on the marquee. ] A new musical [ Cut to the stage where the performers are ending a song. ] that dives head first into our current political climate.

[ Cut to Performer 1 walking onto the stage holding a suitcase and shawl around herself. ]

Performer 1: Ay dios mio. My country is no good. I need, como se dice, American Dream?

Announcer: In a show that can only be described as definitely written by the actors.

Performer 1: [ She begins to sing. ] Adios Venezuela. I’m finally on my way. Bienvenidos, America. And hello, Broadway. Broadway!

Announcer: ‘Time-Out New York’ calls it [ Cut to news headlines. ] “dangerously oversimplified” and “literally helping no one.”

[ Cut to Performer 2 singing. She is sitting with Performer 3 who joins her in song. ]

Performer 2: Border control, birth control, it’s all out of control.

Performer 2 & 3: I need another cup of coffee. [ They kiss. ] [ Cut to Audience member 1 viewing the show, then responding to an interview in the lobby. ]

Audience 1: I guess the worst part of the play was their confidence in it.

[ Cut to the stage where six women are singing. ]

Performer 1, 2, & 4: Me too, me too, and you, and you, and you. It’s happened to all of us, how do you do? Me too, me too, me too.

[ Cut to more headlines about the play. ]

Announcer: “Jesus Christ,” says the New York Times, and “I don’t need to tell you, the cast was all white.”

[ Cut to Audience 2 looking at the program while viewing the play, then he is in the lobby responding to an interview. ]

Audience 2: They wrote in the cast list what makes them diverse and one person said, “Parents divorced.” And, that’s not for me.

[ Cut to Performer 5 rapping on stage, while performer 3 is beat-boxing. ]

Performer 5: Trump blames violence on the fake news media. Rewriting history like we read Wikipedia. War, troops, and hella pollution, what’s next 3D print the Constitution?

[ Cut to Audience 2 walking out on the play. ]

Announcer: Playbill.com writes “I was wondering why one guy had three separate raps and then I realized he was also the director.”

[ Cut to Audience 1 at his interview in the lobby. ]

Audience 1: I’m actually dating a girl in the show.

[ Cut to Performer 4 dressed as a sexy Statue of Liberty. She is singing. ]

Performer 4: I am the Statue of Liberty, and there’s no way you’re getting into me.

[ Cut back to Audience 1 interviewing. ]

Audience 1: Umm, I think this might be it for us.

[ Cut to the cast on stage all singing and smiling. ]

Announcer: You’ll walk away wondering whose parents paid for this?

Performer 1, 2, 3, 4, & 5: Vote with your heart. Vote with a song. Vote with the notes, sing it loud and long. Show me the cast of ballot. Yeah, we could go to the polls. But what if we just sang? What if we just sang? We don’t have to do a thing, but siiiiiiinnnnggggggg. [ Performer 1 & 2 hold the last note in an attempt to sing longer than the other. ] [ Cut to Audience 3 & 4 in the lobby responding to an interview. ]

Audience 3: I think that last song was telling us not to vote.

[ Cut to the title screen for ‘Divided We Stand’ which is the title with a broken heart behind it. The heart is filled in with the USA flag print. ]

Announcer: Now playing at the Mariska Hargitay Theatre. Tickets are $140?!

Late Night Battle | Season 44 Episode 2

Dance Crew (Mikey Day, Ego Nwodim, Chris Redd, Kate McKinnon)

Rival group (Awkwafina, Leslie Jones, Kenan Thompson)

[Starting at the street at night]

Ego Nwodim: Yo, where the hell are they?

Mikey Day: Looks like Tiny Bigs and her crew are just a bunch of no shows.

Chris Redd: Yeah man, let’s dip. Yeah.

Tiny: [Cut to Tiny on nerdy outfit coming to challenge them with her two friends]Wait, wait, wait. Hold up, hold up. You guys already scurred?

Leslie: They better be. We the Tiny Big crews after all.

Fontein Jackson: And we came to slay.

Tiny: Yeah, they’re going to die tonight.

Chris Redd: Yo, why don’t you say that to my face?

Tiny: [Cut to Tiny, Fontein Jackson and Leslie] I just did dumb ass, your face was there.

Mikey Day: [Cut to Mikey Day and Chris Redd] Yo, Baby Teeth, tell him the rules.

Tiny: [Cut to Tiny, Fontein Jackson and Leslie] What kind of name is baby teeth, dude?

Baby Teeth: [Cut to Baby Teeth and Ego Nwodim] I got one baby tooth and it ain’t going nowhere.

Tiny: [Cut to Tiny, Fontein Jackson and Leslie] Respect, respect.

Baby Teeth: [Cut to Baby Teeth, Ego Nwodim, Mikey Day and Chris Redd] You know the rules, typical dance battle. We dance, you dance. We win, you go home crying.

Fontein Jackson: [Cut to Tiny, Fontein Jackson and Leslie, Fontein Jackson flipping his knife] You sure about that?

Tiny: Hey, hey, hey, put that away, Fontein Jackson. We don’t need knives. We’ll slice them up with our dance moves.

Mikey Day: [Cut to Mikey Day and Chris Redd] You wish. Let’s get it.

[Chris Redd starts music on a boombox player and starts the dance battle, ends the dance with a Fortnite move and a dab]

Tiny: [Cut to Tiny, Fontein Jackson and Leslie] Okay, so at that level. All right. Prepare to be served.

Leslie: Yeah, get ready for this three-course meal.

Fontein Jackson: Yeah, complete with Amuse-bouche!

Tiny: Let’s get that ahead.

[Fontein Jackson starts their boombox music player playing old music and dance funnily, ending with a dab]

Chris Redd: Did ya’ll just bust moves to ‘the price is right’ thing?

Tiny: [Cut to Tiny, Fontein Jackson and Leslie] Yeah, hell yeah we did.

Fontein Jackson: Yeah, because we winners.

Leslie: Like on the game show.

Tiny: Jealous?

Baby Teeth: [Cut to Baby Teeth, Ego Nwodim, Mikey Day and Chris Redd] I mean it made sense to me, but I’m stupid.

Mikey Day: Trying to confuse us, throw us off our game.

Ego Nwodim: Yeah, Tiny Bigs is notorious for that.

Mikey Day: Yeah, yeah, yeah. We jut got to bring it. Yo, come on. Some freestyle.

[Chris Redd plays the music and carries on the dance battle] [Cut to Tiny, Fontein Jackson and Leslie]

Fontein Jackson: You see that Tiny?

Tiny: I did Fontein Jackson. That was what you call some weak sauce.

Fontein Jackson: Yeah, like a watery ass marinara.

Leslie: Or even alfredo.

Tiny: Let’s show them how to thicken it up. Choke on this!

[Fontein Jackson starts their boombox music player playing old music and dance funnily] [Cut to Baby Teeth, Ego Nwodim, Mikey Day and Chris Redd]

Ego Nwodim: Was that a wrong answer side effect at the end?

Chris Redd: It sure was, and it only punctuated how next level they are.

Baby Teeth: Guys they’re raising the bar. We got to be twice as good.

Tiny: [Cut to Tiny, Fontein Jackson and Leslie] Good luck with that because we brought a secret weapon.

Fontein Jackson: Yeah. Little Bang Bang! Get down here.

[Cut to Baby Teeth, Ego Nwodim, Mikey Day and Chris Redd, confused]

Chris Redd: Wait, Little Bang Bang?

Baby Teeth: He was a backup dancer on the 2014 Mariah Carey tour.

Little Bang Bang: Yeah! [Cut to Travis Scott as Little Bang Bang joins the team] All right. It’s time to end this. But first, I want to be clear with you all. You all corny.

[Cut to Baby Teeth, Ego Nwodim, Mikey Day and Chris Redd, confused]

Chris Redd: Corny?

Ego Nwodim: What?

Mikey Day: Band Bang Yo!

Baby Teeth: You don’t stand a chance.

[Cut to Tiny, Little Bang Bang, Fontein Jackson, and Leslie]

Little Bang Bang: Hit it.

[Fontein Jackson plays baby music that Little Bang Bang dances to]

Leslie: How are you all going to respond to that?

[Cut to Baby Teeth, Ego Nwodim, Mikey Day and Chris Redd, confused]

Mikey Day: Yo, how can we?

Tiny: Looks like we won. Boom! Boom!

Chris Redd: Yeah, yeah. That’s undeniable.

Fontein Jackson: You know what? Why don’t we all just kick it together?