Tracy Morgan
Kenan Thompson
Chris Tucker… Kenan Thompson
Chuck Norris… Kyle Mooney
Steven Seagal… Bobby Moynihan
Owen Wilson… Taran Killam
Sasheer Zamata
Osama Bin Laden… Pete Davidson
[Starts with “Yo! Where Jackie Chan At Right Now?” intro]
Male voice: And now it’s time for “Yo! Where Jackie Chan At Right Now?”
[Morgan and Kenan are sitting on a sofa at their set]
Morgan: Alright, welcome to ‘Yo! Where Jackie Chan At Right Now?’
Kenan: As always, we asking the question. Where Jackie Chan at right now?
Morgan: I wanna know where he at.
Kenan: I wanna know where he at and what he doing right now.
Morgan: Where is he? Where is Jackie Chan? And just don’t tell us he’s in Asia.
Kenan: Yeah! Jackie Chan was in movies as well as karate. And nobody knows where he is.
Morgan: Where the heck are you, Jackie Chan? Don’t do this to us.
Kenan: Okay, the phone lines are open.
Morgan: Caller one, where Jackie Chan at?
Rebecca S.: Is he in Asia?
Morgan: I just said don’t tell me that.
Kenan: We checked with Asia. He’s not there. Next caller. Where is Jackie Chan?
Grace S.: Maybe he has lost all his money and he’s living in the woods.
Morgan: Wrong. I called him. He’s worth $48 trillion. This call is over. Case dismissed.
Kenan: Okay, caller three, where is Jackie Chan?
Theo S.: Um, are you sure he’s still alive?
Morgan: You fat dummy. Jackie Chan is 26. You think he’s dead? He’ll come over there and karate-chop you on your face.
Kenan: You are banned from this show. Okay, it’s time to meed our guest. Chris Tucker, where Jackie Chan at?
[Cut to Chris Tucker]
Chris Tucker: Yo! You wanna know where Jackie Chan at? You wanna know where he at? I tell you where Jackie Chan at. I don’t know! I don’t know! I don’t know. Man, I don’t know, man!
[Cut to Morgan and Kenan]
Chris Tucker: Well, then why you come on our show?
[Cut to Chris Tucker]
Chris Tucker: Taxes.
[Cut to Morgan and Kenan]
Morgan: People need to respect this show. Next guest.
Kenan: Chuck Norris. Where is Jackie Chan?
[Cut to Chuck Norris in his fighting stance.]
Chuck Norris: I don’t know.
[Cut to Morgan and Kenan]
Kenan: Steven Seagal, where Jackie Chan at?
[Cut to Steven Seagal]
Steven Seagal: I couldn’t tell ya’.
[Cut to Morgan and Kenan]
Morgan: Owen Wilson, where is Jackie Chan?
[Cut to Owen Wilson]
Owen Wilson: I don’t know man, it’s weird.
[Cut to Morgan and Kenan]
Kenan: Lady from Karma, San Diego, where is Jackie Chan?
[Cut to Sasheer]
Sasheer: Sorry, gum shoes.
[Sasheer looks through a magnifying glass]
[Cut to Morgan and Kenan]
Morgan: Young Osama Bin Laden, you know where Jackie Chan is?
[Cut to Osama Bin Laden with his skate board]
Osama Bin Laden: No, bro!
[Cut to Morgan and Kenan]
Morgan: Leslie Jones, you see Jackie Chan?
[Cut to Leslie Jones]
Leslie Jones: I saw him on East 85th street.
[Cut to Morgan and Kenan]
Kenan: What? When?
[Cut to Leslie Jones]
Leslie Jones: 1997.
[Cut to Morgan and Kenan]
Morgan: Did you have any sense of where he was headed next?
[Cut to Leslie Jones]
Leslie Jones: I don’t know. Downtown?
[Cut to Morgan and Kenan]
Morgan: Okay, write that down.
[Kenan brings up a big notebook to write that down.]
Kenan: Okay, so far, we know that Jackie Chan was in Rush Hour, Shanghai Noon and Rush Hour 2.
Morgan: We know that he was born in Asia but didn’t necessarily stay there.
Kenan: And we know that he is somewhere between 4 and 7 feet tall.
Morgan: Alright, we’re gonna take a quick 45 minute break.
Kenan: When we return, we’re gonna check our trap to see if we caught a Jackie Chan.
[Cut to the trap. It’s made out of a box and a wood. The bait is ninechucks.]
[Cut to Morgan and Kenan]
Morgan: The search continues.
[The End]