Langdon Lee… Bowen Yang
Cheryl Worth… Ego Nwodim
Scott… Mikey Day
Dr. Bloom… Willem Dafoe
Cindy… Heidi Gardner
Nick… Andrew Dismukes
[Starts with show intro]
Female voice: Good news, it’s good morning Columbus.
[Cut to Langdon Lee and Cheryl Worth in their set]
Langdon Lee: Oh hi, oh hi.
Cheryl Worth: Ha-ha-ha. You are too much.
Langdon Lee: Welcome back. Langdon Lee alongside Cheryl Worth.
Cheryl Worth: Lots ahead in the 9 o’clock hour, but first our man about town, Scott is with a local author who’s written a new self help book about finding happiness through self discovery. Hmm, sounds interesting.
Langdon Lee: Yeah. Sure does. Scott’s down at a book signing of Bergman’s books, with Dr. Benjamin Bloom, author of “Blowing Yourself”. Scott.
Scott: Thanks Langdon. I am standing next to a man who hopes to help millions of folks find happiness through self exploration.
Langdon Lee: Sorry, Scott. I have to jump in. I misspoke before. Dr. Bloom’s book is titled “Knowing yourself.” Not “Blowing yourself”. For a lot of B words in a row on the teleprompter, I got a little tongue tied. Sorry about that, Scott.
Scott: It has happens. Now, Dr. Bloom. Tell us about your book.
Dr. Bloom: Well, it’s a feel good book. It’s about learning how to love yourself by going down deep and embracing the part of you that you discovered down there.
Scott: Wow, that’s a lot to swallow.
Cheryl Worth: I’m sorry Scott. Need to jump in here. We are having an issue with our graphics that is making this interview seem very inappropriate. The book is “Knowing yourself”. We do apologize.
Langdon Lee: Come on, graphics department. What are you doing? Get it together. Ha-ha-ha. Scot.
Scott: Thanks, Langdon. Now, Dr. Bloom, I see you have your wife here with you.
Dr. Bloom: Yes, come on over, honey.
Scott: Hi.
Dr. Bloom: This is my lovely wife, Cindy.
Scott: Now, Cindy, do you practice the techniques in your husband’s book?
Cindy: Oh, yes. It was a little harder for me to get there, though. I think women have to reach deeper into themselves to find the same happiness.
Dr. Bloom: Absolutely. Women are generally more complex. A lot more nooks and crannies to explore.
Cindy: Oh, yeah. You know, it can be an emotionally taxing process. You know, if you’re like me, your sensitive side is gonna take a lickin. But in the end, trust me, it’s so worth it. So buy his book. I had my nose buried in it for hours.
Scott: I’m sure you did. Thank you, Cindy. Now doctor, you’re going to teach me one of your breathing exercises here. Now, I tried yoga once and I was awful. So, hopefully I don’t suck here.
Dr. Bloom: It’s okay to suck. It’s how we learn.
Scott: Okay, good. We got some mats here.
Dr. Bloom: Let’s get down great.
Scott: Great.
Dr. Bloom: You can do this in a chair at home also. Okay. You want to center yourself like this.
Scott: Center.
Dr. Bloom: Now, breathe deeply. Really, fill your mouth with thoughts of–
Langdon Lee: Okay, no, no. Cut the audio. Folks. Oh, no. We are so deeply, deeply sorry. This looks very bad. Maybe go to sports? Yes, sports. Nick, you want to give people your Super Bowl predictions?
Nick: No, let’s let this play out.
Cheryl Worth: Thank you for nothing, Nick. Okay, looks like they’re wrapping up. Bring up the audio back.
Scott: Oh, wow. I have got a long way to go. I got to get practicing.
Dr. Bloom: Don’t go nuts when you’re just starting out. That’d be going too far.
Scott: Okay.
Dr. Bloom: But with time, I promise you’ll rise to the occasion and meet yourself halfway.
Scott: Yes, well said. And you’ve certainly made some fans out of our viewers. @IncelDadddy writes “This dude my hero. Teach me sensei. #nevergonnaleavethehouse” So, good stuff. Now, you’ll be down here all day, correct?
Dr. Bloom: Yes, I’ll be signing copies of my book and at noon, I’ll be demonstrating my technique live.
Scott: Oh! And now if you want to attend, you can make a reservation online at www.– Actually, they’re telling me no you can’t. I guess it’s sold out immediately. Mr. Popular. Back to you guys.
Cheryl Worth: Those people who made a reservation are going to be very disappointed.
Langdon Lee: All right, coming up in traffic something wandered onto the I-270 and is causing major traffic. That’s something get this. A 400 pound a wild whore– Boar! Wild boar. Wild boar. Let’s go to commercial.