Chloe: I want to express myself because I’m young and hard and I want to show it.
Melissa: And I want to look as young as I feel.
Sarah: But anti aging creams and hair dyes have harmful chemicals that just aren’t me.
Melissa: Because I’m eco friendly and a little funky too.
All: What did we do?[Cut to Aidy and Kate]
Both: Sounds like you need gray adult pigtails.
Kate: Number one hairstyle for whimsical women of a certain age.
Aidy: Whether you’re a puppeteer…
Kate: A pet psychic…
Aidy: Or someone’s aunt’s therapists wife.
Kate: You need a hairstyle that says “People are going to be talking about me for years after meeting me for five minutes.”
Aidy: Because you’re unique.
Kate: You love art.
Aidy: And you want people to see you and think “Got it.”
Kate: So grab two elastics and change your life with gray adult pigtails.
Aidy: Because you never stopped smoking pot. Why should your hair? Pair it with…
Kate: A Cranberries t shirt…
Aidy: Children’s to-to…
Kate: This bag.
Aidy: Denim overalls, naked underneath…
Kate: And Rasta hat in culturally neutral color.[cut to Heidi]
Heidi: You wish you could be this whimsical? I look how incense smells. I grow all my own food but my electric bill for twinkle lights would blow your mind.[Cut to Natasha]
Natasha: I have a boyfriend who comes over once a week. He lives in the woods, keeps bongos in his truck and is very much a sculptor.[boyfriend walks in]
Richard: Hey, pussycat.
Natasha: Richard baby, how’d you sculpt and go today?
Richard: Hmm, I don’t know. [pulls in a bad sculpture] Do these sharp rusty beauties answer your question?
Natasha: Oh, Richard baby. You’re a genius. I love your mind even more than your body.
Richard: And you know what else she loves? My great adult pig tail [showing his pigtail beard].
Natasha: That’s right, they’re not just for ladies. They’re for Richard too.[cut back to Aidy and Kate]
Kate: You are married to that golf playing doctor for way too long. You want to attract the right kind of man.
Aidy: When I put my gray hair way up high, I immediately got an amazing boyfriend.
Kate: Me too. The same one.[Richard walks in]
Aidy: Yeah, we’re all dating Richard. He’s like if a guy was magic and we’ll love him forever.
Kate: Nine years ago, we met at a white Buddhist temple for swingers.
Aidy: Yeah, and he’s a freak for these gray adult pigtails.
Richard: What can I say? Can’t ride a bike with no handle bars.
All: [blushing] Come on, Richard![Asian girl walks in]
Asian girl: Are we talking about piggy ties?[cheers and applause]
Look what I made. It’s an extremely sharp metal guitar.
Kate: You know what we should do. Let’s blow the metal roof off this place. Hit it.[asian girl playing guitar]
All: [singing] The seasons, they go round and round
and the painted moldings, they go up and down
Male voice: Grey adult pigtails. Find them at any natural health booster?