Mens Cosmetics

[Starts with video clips of a man working out]

Male voice: You’re a man and you’ve got skin, lots of it. Make it work for you with a line of revolutionary skin ammo from Man Stain. Formulated just for the guys, Man Stain helps you look your best.

Dan Levy: I’m sorry. What is Man Stain?

Male voice: It levels up your mug for peak appearance performance.

Dan Levy: So, it’s make up?

Male voice: Nah, dude. Make up’s for girls. Man Stain’s just for the guys. [Alex opens what looks like a can of soda. Then he pours some of it on his hand and starts applying it on his face.] Annihilate redness, vanquish vine lines and [bleep] block impurities. With Man Stain double IPA tinted dude fluid.

Dan Levy: Okay. You’re using very violent language to describe it but yes, see? It’s base. It has a tint.

Male voice: Wanna look like you just came from a real nut busting workout at the gym?Then you need Man Stain’s x-ertion nice and rust booster.

[Alex is wearing a make up using what looks like a brush on a tip of a gun.]

Dan Levy: Okay. That is blush in a gun. Is that what you want it to be?

Male voice: You’re down but you’re not out, you big ass [bleep].

Dan Levy: It’s okay to want to look nice.

Male voice: So, sag up and try the whole damn line. Man Stain Manscara for maximum alertness. Mouth grease for a glossy manly pout. And meat lover’s guyshadow eye dirt pizza compact.

Dan Levy: Sells like pepperoni but it is still makeup.

Male voice: You’re a man, god dammit. You might as well look like one. And if you got a problem with that, you can go straight to hell.

Dan Levy: You guys look good.

Male voice: Man Stain, from the makers of Nutrisystem for men. It’s not a diet, coz that’s what girls do.

Dan Levy: And is this beauty blender a football?

Male voice: Hell, yeah.

Dan Levy: Why?