Shawn… Andrew Dismukes
Elizabeth… Heidi Gardner
Mom… Aidy Bryant
Dad… Beck Bennet
Doctor… Anya Taylor-Joy
Policeman… Alex Moffat
Mom: Okay now, smile. Oh my gosh, you two are so cute. And I got it. Alright. Now I want to do long ways.
Elizabeth: Mom, come on. We’re going to be late.
Mom: Elizabeth, calm down please. I just want one more.
Dad: Oh wait, I got an idea. I’ll be right back.
Mom: Chris, where are you going?
Dad: I got an idea for the picture. It’s going to be great. Hold on.
Elizabeth: Sorry, Shawn, my parents are being so lame.
Shawn: It’s okay, babe. We got time. Mrs. Sanders, take as many as you want.
Mom: Shawn, I knew I liked you. Alright now, scootch together and smile. One… two…
Elizabeth: Oh my god, dad!
Dad: What? I saw it on the internet. It’s funny.
Mom: Chris, I told you that we weren’t doing this.
Dad: Oh come on, it’s funny.
Elizabeth: Dad, how is it funny?
Dad: Oh, you know, it’s like, “Hey, Mr. You better not try anything or I’ll shoot you.” Ha-ha. People are doing it. It’s a thing. It’s like, bang!
Dad: Oh, come on, relax. [Dad shoots himself at his penis]
Doctor: Okay, what do we got?
Policeman: Male, age 48. Blew his [bleep] off taking a photo with his daughter.
Doctor: Their prom picture?
Mom: Chris, we’re right here.
Dad: Did you get it?
Mom: I tried honey, but it’s pretty rough.
Doctor: Is that his–
Mom: Yes. [Mom shows his blown off penis inside a container.]
Dad: Is it alright?
Doctor: Okay, Mr. Sanders. Looks like we will not be able to reattach.
Dad: Okay. You could probably just do it though, right?
Doctor: No, sir. I do not think we can do that.
Dad: You can probably reattach it though, right?
Doctor: No, sir. I don’t think that’s possible.
Dad: But you can just do it though, right?
Doctor: No sir, we can’t.
Dad: Oh god.
Elizabeth: Is my dad going to be okay?
Doctor: I’ll do what I can.
Mom: My god, Chris. How could you be so stupid.
Dad: I wanted to take a funny picture.
Mom: What is funny about holding a gun around kids?
Dad: Cause I don’t want them to have sex.
Mom: They’ve been dating for three years. They’ve had sex.
Elizabeth: Yes, dad. We’ve done it a lot.
Elizabeth: Well, you know when we went to Jamaica and you didn’t see us the entire trip?
Elizabeth: Well, then.
Shawn: Yeah. And do you remember all those times that you wake up and I’m in the kitchen shirtless drinking a gatorade?
Shawn: Well, those times too.
Dad: Oh, why?
Doctor: Okay, Mr. Sanders. we’re going into operation. So, we’re going to have to put you under, alright?
Dad: Wait! Wait! Lizzy, I’m sorry I ruined your prom by blowing my [bleep] off with my gun.
Elizabeth: It’s okay, dad.
Dad: And Laura, I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you and so I blew my little [bleep] off with my big old gun.
Mom: It’s fine, Chris.
Dad: And Shawn, you’re like a son to me. You take good care of my daughter.
Shawn: Thanks Mr. Sanders.
Dad: But tonight out of respect of me, please don’t have sex with each other.
Shawn: Okay. We will, but yeah.
Dad: No, but just tonight, don’t.
Shawn: Yes. We’re going to. But okay.
Dad: Look, just tonight, out of respect for my condition. Please don’t.
Shawn: Yes, sir. We will though. But yeah.
Dad: No. For me, just tonight, don’t.
Elizabeth: You got it, dad. We are, but yeah.
Dad: I’m saying don’t do it.
Elizabeth: You got it.
Shawn: Yeah, we are though.
Dad: I blew my [bleep] off tonight. Please don’t have sex with each other.