Parents Call | Season 44 Episode 12

Randy… Mikey Day

Chris Redd

Laurie… Melissa Villaseñor

Dad… Beck Bennett

Mom… Halsey

[Starts with Randy and his clients Chris and Laurie. Randy is explaining the office structure to his clients]

Randy: So, here is your office space layout. You’ll see, we kept these structural columns here. We thought it added some interest to he space, kept it from looking like a cookie cutter office building.

[Cut to Chris and Laurie]

Chris: All with the new. I like that.

Laurie: This is the common space.

Randy: Yeah. [Cut to Randy, Chris and Laurie] [ Randy’s phone starts vibrating] It’s– so sorry. Why are my parents calling?

Chris: Oh, you can go ahead and take that.

Randy: I am so sorry. Hello?

[Cut to split screen. Randy at the left, mom and dad at the right.]

Dad: Oh, hey Randy. How are you?

Mom: Hi, honey. How’s everything?

Randy: Mom, you guys are both there. What’s going on?

Dad: Oh, nothing. We just wanted to know if you liked that new grill we got you. We have the same one and we love it.

Randy: Cool. I’m actually at work right now.

Dad: Oh, you’re at work?

Mom: He’s at work–

Dad: Oh, don’t tell him about it.

Mom: It’s okay. Don’t tell him.

Dad: Yes, we won’t tell him.

Randy: Tell me what? You guys have something important to tell me?

Dad: Oh, no, no, we’ll tell you later. You’re at work.

Mom: Sorry, you’re at work.

Randy: No, no, guys. What is it?

Dad: Oh, it’s nothing at all. I shattered all the bones in my leg. Love you. [Dad hangs up the phone] [Cut to Randy, Chris and Laurie]

Randy: Hello?

Chris: Is everything okay.

Randy: Do you guys mind if I call them back. I think my dad, like, broke his leg or something.

Laurie: Oh, of course.

Randy: Yeah. I’m so sorry.

[Randy calls his parents back] [Cut to split screen. Randy at the left, mom and dad at the right.]

Mom: Hello.

Randy: Hey, mom.

Dad: Oh, Randy! This is a surprise. Did you get out of work early.

Randy: No, you just said your legs were shattered?

Dad: Oh, come on buddy? It’s nothing. I was hot doggin’ at the club, rolled the golf cart and it pancaked my legs. Broke all the bones.

Mom: Pancaked them.

Dad: Yeah, but it’s not that big of a deal at all. I’m fine. We shouldn’t have called at all. God, you’re starting to piss me off.

Mom: Get back.

Randy: Dad, are you okay?

Dad: How should I know? I refused medical care at the scene. When your mother had to go last week, they charged us 5 grand for an IV.

Mom: Highway robbery.

Randy: Wait, what happened to mom?

Mom: Nothing. So you never told us. How’s that new grill?

Randy: I don’t care about the stupid grill, mom.

Dad: Oh, stupid. Oh, we’re sorry. The grill we bought you is such a dumb ass. And you know, your mother didn’t want me to tell you, but she got shot. [Dad hangs up the phone] [Cut to Randy, Chris and Laurie]

Randy: What? Oh, my god. I’m so sorry. I think my mom got shot. If you guys want to reschedule?

Chris: No, no, no. Call them back.

Laurie: And you can put them on speaker?

Chris: Yeah, I feel like we are a part of this now.

Randy: Yeah.

[Cut to Mom and Dad. Mom’s both hands are plastered. The phone rings] [Cut to split screen. Randy at the left, mom and dad at the right.]

Dad: Hello?

Randy: Dad?

Dad: Oh, Randy! You’re home.

Randy: No. I’m still at work. Mom, were you shot?

[Cut to Mom and Dad]

Mom: Yes, Randy. Don’t make it a big deal. I was on a jog in the woods and I ran through a shooting range. Took five bullets to my thigh. Now, I see on Facebook you are seeing someone?

[Cut to Randy, Chris and Laurie]

Randy: Mom. Stop changing the subject.

Dad: Oh, right. Okay. [Cut to Mom and Dad] How dare your mother take an interest in her son’s love life?

Mom: She’s beautiful.

Dad: Yeah. She’s almost as silly as that little idiot grill.

[Cut to Randy]

Randy: Okay, guys, should I fly out?

[Cut to Mom and Dad]

Mom: No, no. We do not need an extra set of hands around the house.

Dad: Yes, we have mine even though you mother’s are completely ruined.

[Cut to Randy]

Randy: Wait, did you say mom’s hands are ruined?

[Cut to Mom and Dad]

Dad: Yes, Randy. She ruined her hands in the fall.

[Cut to Randy, Chris and Laurie]

Chris: Ask her what fall.

Randy: I’m going to.

Chris: Okay.

Randy: What fall?

[Cut to Mom and Dad]

Mom: My fall, through the hole.

[Cut to Randy, Chris and Laurie]

Randy: Okay, what hole?

[Cut to Mom and Dad]

Dad: Randy! The hole in the middle of our house. She fell through it. She braced her fall with her hands and they snapped right off.

Mom: And then they snapped them back.

Dad: What is it you don’t understand? I can’t do it with him.

Mom: He’s pissing me off.

Dad: He’s pissing me off. [Dad stands up with his crutches and starts walking behind] [Cut to Randy, Chris, and Laurie]

Laurie: Hi, sir. This is Laurie. Your son’s client. Why is there a hole in your house?

[Cut to Mom and Dad]

Dad: Well, because Laurie, we were installing an elevator because of all the leg mishaps recently.

[Cut to Randy]

Randy: So, why is there not an elevator where the hole is?

[Cut to Mom and Dad. They are annoyed.]

Dad: Think, Randy. Because we changed our mind! All right?

Mom: God, this kid!

Dad: I can handle myself on the stairs just fine. [Door bell rings] I’ll get it.

Mom: You get it.

Dad: [Dad falls off the stiars] Oh, no! My legs! My face! My body is completely pan-caked!

[Cut to Randy]

Randy: Um, okay, you guys. I am going to fly out there first thing tomorrow morning.

[Cut to Mom]

Mom: Oh, good. You can meet Roger. He’s living with us now.

[Cut to Randy]

Randy: Okay, Roger? Who is Roger?

[Cut to Mom]

Mom: Oh, Roger is your identical twin brother we gave up for adoption at birth. Love you. [Mom hangs up the phone]

Another Brothers | Season 44 Episode 11

Mrs. Johnson… Melissa Villaseñor

Mr. Johnson… Mikey Day

Mom… Cecily Strong

Dad… James McAvoy

Aidy Bryant

Kenan Thompson

Jared… Beck Bennett

Spencer… Kyle Mooney

[Starts with a Super Bowl announcer’s sound coming out of a house]

Mrs. Johnson: Listen Dave. [Cut to six adults sitting inside the house watching Super Bowl] Thank you so much for inviting us to your Super Bowl party.

Mr. Johnson: Yeah. And seriously, these potato skins are insane.

Mom: OH, please.

Dad: We love having you.

[Cut to Aidy and Kenan]

Aidy Bryant: Oh, well. I’m just here to keep his eyes off those cheerleaders.

Kenan Thompson: Hey, no promises.

[Cut to everybody laughing] [Spencer and Jared are fighting upstairs]

Spencer: Get off me!

Jared: Get off me!

Mr. Johnson: What was that noise?

Mom: Oh-oh. That’s our boys, [Cut to Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, Dad and Mom] acting up ever since I got remarried.

Dad: Hey, you guys, ya’ll want to meet ‘em?

[Cut to Mr. and Mrs. Johnson]

Mrs. Johnson: Sure.

Dad: Hey, boys, [Cut to everybody] come out down here and make the Johnson’s.

[Jared and Spencer come downstairs fighting]

Spencer: Get off me!

Jared: Get off me!

[Cut to Spencer and Jared]

Spencer: Stop hitting my nuts!

Jared: I’m not hitting your nuts!

Spencer: Get of my nuts!

[Dad sprays Jared and Spencer with water spray]

Jared and Spencer: Ah! Ah! Ah!

[Dad uses leaf blower on Jared and Spencer]

Dad: Boys. Now, come on. What’s gotten into you?

[Cut to Jared and Spencer]

Jared and Spencer: Sorry, sir.

[Cut to Dad, Jared and Spencer]

Dad: Am I going to have to tell you again? Am I going to have to turn this hose on you and blow you again? Or ya’ll goin’ be good boys?

[Cut to Jared and Spencer]

Jared and Spencer: We’ll be good boys, sir.

[Cut to Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, and Mom]

Mrs. Johnson: You keep a leaf blower in the house?

[Cut to Dad]

Dad: Well yes. Otherwise they’d be all wet.

[Cut to Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, and Mom]

Mom: Okay, boys, now come say hello to the Johnson’s.

[Cut to Jared and Spencer]

Jared: Hi Mr. and Mrs. Johnson. My name’s Jared. I play basketball.

Spencer: I’m Spencer. I’m younger than him, but I made all stars.

Jared: No, you didn’t

Spencer: Yes, I did. Coach told me.

Jared: You’re a liar!

[Spencer and Jared starts to fight again]

Spencer: Get off me!

Jared: Get off me!

[Cut to Dad, Jared and Spencer] [Dad sprays Jared and Spencer with water spray]

Jared and Spencer: Ah! Ah! Ah!

[Dad uses leaf blower on Jared and Spencer]

Dad: Boys, now, this behavior is unacceptable.

[Cut to Jared and Spencer]

Jared and Spencer: Yes, sir, we’re sorry, sir.

[Cut to Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, and Mom]

Mom: Spencer, come show the Johnson’s a campbell’s what you’ve been working on?

Mr. Johnson: Actually, we kind of want to go now.

Mrs. Johnson: Did you two know about this?

[Cut to Kenan and Aidy]

Aidy Bryant: Yeah, I think we blocked it out.

Kenan Thompson: Yeah. Yeah, we definitely chose to forget.

[Cut to Jared and Spencer]

Spencer: Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, this is my touchdown dance. [Spencer starts to dance]

Jared: What? That’s my touchdown dance. [Jared starts to dance with Spencer]

Spencer: You’re not even doing it right!

Jared: I’m doing it perfect!

Spencer: Oh yeah? Explain this. Ow! Mr. and Mrs. Johnson this is the dance. Right?

[Cut to Mr. and Mrs. Johnson]

Jared: Mr. and Mrs. Johnson is this a dance?

[Cut to Jared and Spencer dancing]

Spencer: Which one of the touchdown dancers Mr. and Mrs Johnson?

Jared: Is this the dance Mr. and Mrs. Johnson?

Spencer: That’s not the dance. [Spencer carries a chair and hits Jared with it]

Jared: You’re dead! [Jared grabs Spencer’s shirt and throws him into TV breaking the TV] Live from the Super Bowl, it’s my brother! He broke the TV. [Jared jumps over Spencer] [Dad sprays Jared and Spencer with water spray] [Dad uses leaf blower on Jared and Spencer]

Dad: Well, that’s the last time, dammit. Ya’ll are embarrassing us in front of our company.

Jared: Sorry sir. He started it.

Spencer: He’s stupid!

[Cut to Jared and Spencer]

Jared:  Oh, I’m stupid? Well, they tried to abandon you. Dad, tell him.

Spencer: Wait, what?

[Cut to Dad]

Dad: Oh, god.

Spencer: He’s stupid!

Jared: Go on, dad. Tell him what happened.

Spencer: Dad—what’s he talking about?

[Cut to Dad, Jared and Spencer]

Dad: Well—you know Spence—you know how you were an accident?

Spencer: Yeah.

Dad: And your mama and your first daddy weren’t planning on having a second?

Spencer: Mm-hmm.

[Cut to Mr. and Mrs. Johnson]

Mr. Johnson: Why do you talk to him this way?

[Cut to Dad]

Dad: Well, Spence, after you were born, she put you up for adoption, but the family that adopted you, they brought you back.

[Cut to Jared and Spencer]

Spencer: So – so there was – there was nobody that wanted me?

[Cut to Mom]

Mom: No. But you were meant to come back to us, sweetie. And every day since has been the best day of our lives.

[Cut to Dad]

Dad: That’s right, son. Now, why don’t you give each other ten apology kisses.

[Cut to Jared and Spencer]

Spencer and Jared: Aw, yes, sir.

[Cut to Mr. and Mrs. Johnson]

Mr. Johnson: But why, though?

[Cut to Jared and Spencer kissing nine times]

Mom: Hey. [Cut to Mom] That was only nine.

[Cut to Jared and Spencer kissing one more time]

Spencer and Jared: Aw. Good night Mr. and Mrs. Johnson.

[Cut to everyone. Spencer and Jared are running upstairs]

Spencer: Go!

Mom: Well, sorry you guys. I think the TV might be broken.

[Cut to Aidy and Kenan]

Aidy Bryant: Yeah, your son’s head went through it.

[Cut to everyone]

Dad: Hey, ya’ll want to go upstairs and watch with the boys?

Everybody: No.

[Dad runs upstairs]