Dad – SNL

Dad… Woody Harrelson

Scotty … Kyle Mooney

Colby … Chris Redd

[Starts with a boy looking at his test marks. He can hear his dad coming to his room speaking on the phone.]

Dad: Well, have you looked at the contract?

[Dad enters the room]

Charlie, look. We sell computers. You’re my business partner at our computer company. Okay? So, let’s get the deal done. Okay?

Son: Hey, dad. Can I talk to you?

Dad: Of course, son. Is there a problem?

Scotty: You see—

[Phone ringing]

Dad: Hold that thought. Charlie? No, no, no. That’s not gonna work. We’re in the computer business after all. Okay, so call me back. And Charlie, you’re one hell of a partner.

[Cut to dad]

You were saying, son?

[Cut to Scotty]

Scotty: Well, my friend failed the math test. And I guess I’m just wondering what you’d say to him if he were you son.

[Cut to dad]

Dad: Well, I know he wouldn’t be playing video games for the next few years.

[Cut to Scotty]

Scotty: Dad, I’ve got to tell you something. So I—

[Phone ringing]

Dad: Just one second, Kiddo. Talk to me. Wait, who is this? Oh, Charlie.

[Everything gets dark except Scotty] [Scotty starts rapping]

Scotty: Dad he’s like a hero to me

always has been and always will be

I worship the ground that he walks on

just wish he would trash that phone that he talks on

Dad, your’e obsessed with work

don’t you know your obsession hurts

look at what this thing did to you

is this the only way that I to get through to you

Dad, so busy all the time

b-b-busy all the time

dad, so busy all the time

I-I-I wanna hang with you

ever since the day dad got the phone 

I got to say I’ve felt so alone

hello dad, don’t you know that you’re needed

“we’re sorry the connection with your dad cannot be completed”

also I’m not popular and girls don’t like me

it all fells very bad

now here’s Colby rapping about dad

ladies and gentlemen Colby

Colby: D-A-D-D-Y that’s the guy

always have a shoulder for you to cry

catching the ball catching the fish

catching time with pops is a beautiful wish

since back in the day dads have been killing it

barbeque boss with the burgers straight grillin it

don’t forget the OG dad showing love

our heavenly father lord up above amen

Scotty: No, it’s not supposed to be a religious thing. It’s about my dad.

Colby: Oh, sure.

Scotty: Do it like we talked about.

Colby: All right.

Scotty: All right, let’s do the dancing we practiced.

One, two, three, get loose now!

[Scotty and Colby are dancing]

B-b-busy all the time

I-I-I wanna hang with you dad

[Cut to Dad]

Dad: We’re dong here. Right, son?

[Cut to Scotty]

Scotty: No, dad. I think I’m done. I failed the math test.

Dad: Let me call you back. [Cut to Dad] Scotty, why didn’t you tell me?

[Cut to Scotty]

Scotty: I tried to. But I think your line was busy.

[Cut to Dad]

Dad: I’ve been ignoring my own son.

[Dad starts rapping]

What have I become

it all began when the —

[phone ringing] [Dad starts talking on the phone]

“Charlie, talk to me. Yeah. No, no, no. I’m just doing a rap for my son Scotty. Yeah, it’s to a funky beat. Really? Oh, hell, I can get there right away. Let me just do my last line for the rap. Yeah.”

And that’s why I’m your dad

[Dad starts talking on the phone]

Yeah. Charlie. Can I come?

Scotty: Dad! Can I come?

Dad: Sorry son. Not this time. Colby!

[Colby joins dad]

Colby: Praise the lord. We’re going to have some fun.

Scotty: Dad.

[Dial tone] [Cheers and applause]

Sandler Family Reunion | Season 44 Episode 19

Waiter… Chris Redd

Adam Sandler

Ring… Kyle Mooney

Mac… Mikey Day

Shawn Mendez

Ron Bacon… Kenan Thompson

Janet Sandler Bacon… Aidy Bryant

Pete Davidson

Bobby… Melissa Villaseñor

Chubbs… Leslie Jones

Beck Bennett

Mom… Kristen Wiig

Dad… Jimmy Fallon

[Starts with Waiter serving beer to Adam]

Waiter: Here’s your Heineken, Mr. Sandler.

Adam Sandler: Cool.

Waiter: [In Billi Madison voice] So cold! Do you want to drink tiny? Like Billy Madison.

Adam Sandler: I got that, that’s very funny.

Waiter: If you don’t mind me asking, how do you come up with all your characters and stuff?

Adam Sandler: I don’t know, I think they just kind of come to me.

Waiter: That’s kind of a lame answer, all right. Enjoy your reunion.

Adam Sandler: Yeah, there’s lots of Sandlers here, it’s a sandstorm.

Waiter: All right.

[Waiter leaves] [Ring and Mac joins Adam]

Ring: Hello, Mr. Hollywood big shot.

Adam Sandler: It’s cousin Ring, cousin Mac, good to see you.

[Cut to Ring and Mac]

Ring: Yes sir. Habito-poo-poo!

Mac: Habito-pee-poo!

[Cut to Adam]

Adam Sandler: Habito-yahoo!

[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]

Mac: Adam, I was so excited when I heard you were coming, I was like, “Habito-woo-hoo!”

Adam Sandler: I don’ know. It’s been forever. How have you guys been?

[Cut to Ring and Mac]

Ring: Trying to get my real estate license now. Who knows, we shall see-hoo!

[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]

Adam Sandler: Great! Good luck.

Mac: As for me, [Cut to Ring and Mac] I got a– got-a-divorce. Very messy.

Ring: She was screwing his best friend.

Mac: Ha-ha. Shut up!

Ring: You shut up!

[Cut to Adam]

Adam Sandler: Shut up! Come on! There’s kids here. Oh, my god, is that my nephew Shawn? He’s still at the kids’ table.

[Shawn is sitting at the kid’s table with two other kids]

Shawn: What’s wrong? Want some McDonald’s? Will somebody get this kid a happy meal?

[Cut to Pete with a mic announcing]

Pete: Excuse me. May I have everyone’s attention, please. Hello, Sandlers.

[Cut to everybody]

Everybody: Habito-wee-whoo!

Pete: I just wanted to say, big hand for Ron Bacon and Janet Sandler Bacon for planning this whole thing.

[Cut to Janet and Ron]

Janet Sandler Bacon: Our pleasure. A-habida-dibada-doo!

Ron Bacon: Yes, yes. You know, I’m still not great at this, you all are doing an little invisible Clarinet thing. Is that what it is? It doesn’t matter. Slibida-bib-bap!

[Cut to Pete]

Pete: We’re so happy to have cousin Adam this year. Watch what you say about him because you might end up in one of his movies.

[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]

Adam Sandler: What? I don’t use your guys for material.

[Cut to Bobby]

Bobby: I don’t know about that, Adam. Because now I saw a movie where you picked someone who looked just like me. I seen that on the big ‘ol screen and said, “Hey, that’s me up there”.

[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]

Adam Sandler: No, I promise you, Bobby, Bouchet is not based on you.

[Cut to Bobby]

Bobby: I know that, dear, I was talking about the Big Daddy movie.

[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]

Adam Sandler: Not that either. I can promise you.

[Cut to Chubbs]

Chubbs: I know Happy Gilmore, the Chubbs was based on me. How do I know this? A, my first name is Chubbs. B, I have a fake hand. And C, I’m a golf instructor. It’s all in the hips. You stole that from me.

[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]

Adam Sandler: All right, maybe a borrowed some stuff from you guys. I swear to you, I didn’t do that a lot.

[Cut to Pete]

Pete: Yes, sure you didn’t. Everybody’s enjoying the party.

[Beck joins Pete]

Beck Bennett: Hey, Excuse me. Are we going to do the karaoke now?

Pete: Oh, no! The Karaoke is canceled.

Beck Bennett: Oh, okay. Cool. Once again, something that could have been brought to my attention yesterday.

[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]

Adam Sandler: I’m going to go say hi to my mother, wish me luck. [Adam walks to his mom] Hi ma, great to see you. What do you think of the reunion? This is a whole family–

Mom: They’re all going to laugh at you.

Adam Sandler: They’re not laughing, they love me.

Mom: No!

Adam Sandler: Come on, ma, be nice.

Mom: They’re all going to laugh at you.

Adam Sandler: No!

Mom: No!

Adam Sandler: Ma, stop.

Mom: No

Adam Sandler: Shut up!

Dad: Why don’t you shut up.

[Dad comes in]

Adam Sandler: Papa. How are you doing?

Dad: [Speaking things that’s not understandable, but Adam Sandler is understand]

Adam Sandler: Oh!

Dad: That’s right, but the doctor says it’s nothing to worry about.

Adam Sandler: Oh, good.

Dad: How about I sing the Sandler family song. I wrote it 70 years ago.

Adam Sandler: No, nobody wants to hear that. I wouldn’t want to do that. And nobody wants to hear that.

Dad: I just want to. I would be great if I did that.

Put on your yarmulke
Here comes Chanukah
So much funukah
To celebrate Chanukah
Chanukah is the festival of lights

Adam Sandler: I agree with mother. Let’s take a picture. Yo, come on, Colbert. Snap us. [Cut to everybody getting together for a family picture] Everyone get in. Okay. Come on. Stop looking at me. Shawn. Come on, take the picture. Take it. Ready? One, two, three.

Everybody: Habito-wee-whoo!