Tag: David Pumpkins

David Pumpkins Returns

Ego Nwodim

Andrew Dismukes

Jack Harlow

David Pumpkins… Tom Hanks

The skeletons… Bobby Moynihan, Mikey Day

[Starts with people waiting outside a door]

Ego: Finally, I can’t believe we had to wait an hour and a half for a stupid ride.

Andrew: I can. Cellblock 666 is supposed to be the scariest ride in Fright Nights history.

Jack: Yeah. There’s all these TikToks people passing out and puking and stuff. If I pass out, don’t help me. Film it. And post it. Please.

[the door opens]

Kenan: Hello and hell-come to Cellblock 666 right this way.

[they walk in and take seats]

Ego: Oh my god. I’m already scared.

Kenan: You are about to embark on a terrifying tour of this petrifying prison, where each sale holds iconic frights from the silver scream. Let the tour begin. We are approaching our first stop. Time to meet the sin mates. Ha-ha-ha. Open Cell 600.

[The cell door opens. Jason just killed a nurse by stabbing. The door closes.]

Jack: Yo, Michael Morris just made me lowkey jump. This ride is awesome.

Kenan: Only time will hell. The next cell is upon us. Open cell 661

[The cell door opens. There’s Annabelle.]

Annabelle: My name is Annabelle. Can you play with me?

[Annabelle starts running towards the door. The door closes.]

Ego: No. I hate Annabelle. I can’t wait that little bitch.

Jack: I really might pass out for real. Have you phones ready.

Kenan: You’ll never be ready for the horror that you’ll find in cell 662.

[The cell door opens. There’s David Pumpkins and the two skeletons.]

[cheers and applause]

David Pumpkins: I am David Pumpkins. And I’m going to scare you stupid.

[Music stars playing. David Pumpkins and the skeletons start dancing.]

Any questions?

[The door closes]

Kenan: Are you shaking in your boots?

Andrew: No. I’ve seen like every horror movie ever and none of them had David pumpkins in it.

Jack: True, but I was kind of feeling David pumpkins though. Nice change of pace.

Kenan: Silence. A new terror awaits. Open cell 663.

[The cell door opens. There’s Pennywise]

Pennywise: New balloon too. Aha-ha-ha-ha.

[The door closes]

Andrew: Yeah, see? Pennywise make sense because he was in a horror movie.

Ego: Babe, it’s just a ride.

Andrew: I just want it to be consistent.

Kenan: Shh. The next segment is dying to meet you. Open cell 664.

[The cell door opens. There’s again, David Pumpkins and the two skeletons.]

David Pumpkins: Miss me?

Andrew: No, who are you?

David Pumpkins: I’m David Pumpkins, man.

Andrew: Right. David pumpkins from?

David Pumpkins: Before.

Andrew: We know.

Ego: I think he just wants to know what your deal is. Like, Annabelle is a possessed doll. David Pumpkins is?

David Pumpkins: Taking it one day at a time.

Andrew: And the skeletons are?

The skeletons: Next to him.

David Pumpkins: Now, watch this.

[Music stars playing. David Pumpkins and the skeletons start dancing.]

What’s my name?

The skeletons: David S Pumpkins.

David Pumpkins: And where am I from?

The skeletons: Ibiza.

[The door closes]

Andrew: Si, mucho. He’s from Spain? He doesn’t even have an accent.

Jack: Yo, he said it was from there. It doesn’t mean he grew up there. Let him write his own story.

Andrew: Stop taking David Pumpkin’s side, dude.

Ego: David S Pumpkins, babe.

Kenan: Shh. Our next up is dead ahead. Open cell 665.

[The cell opens. There’s Freddy.]

Freddy: The star of your nightmares is indeed David Pumpkins.

[David Pumpkins and the skeletons walk in dancing]

[The door closes]

Jack: Yo, I didn’t see David Pumpkins coming, man. That was fire.

Andrew: Why are you so on board with David Pumpkins?

Ego: Babe, just ignore him.

Andrew: I can’t. He’s most of this ride. Sir, why is there so much David pumpkins in this?

Kenan: Hey Look man, we spend a lot of money on Pennywise and Freddy Kruger, okay? There wasn’t a lot of money room left in the budget. Now set it up. We hear the infamous cell 666.

[The cell door opens. There are the skeletons but not David Pumpkins.]

Andrew: Okay, why is it just you guys now?

The skeletons: Don’t worry about it.

[Music starts playing. The skeletons are dancing.]

Happy Halloween from us.

[David Pumpkin is standing behind the three of them]

David Pumpkin: And me.

Andrew: Oh my god.

Haunted Elevator (ft. David S. Pumpkins)

Kate McKinnon

Beck Bennett

Mark… Kenan Thompson

David Pumpkins… Tom Hanks

[Starts with 100 Floors of Frights intro]

Announcer: Welcome to 100 Floors of Frights. Enter at your own risk.

[Cut to Kate and Beck getting inside the elevator. Mark is standing inside the elevator.]

Kate: Do you things jump right at you at this ride?

Beck: Yeah, babe. It’s a scary ride.

Mark: Good evening. I am your elevator operator Mark. Now please, hold on as this ride goes boom, in the night.

Kate: Oh! Don’t make fun of me if I scream, okay?

Beck: It’s a 100 Floors of Frights babe, I’ll probably be screaming too.

Mark: And now, hold on for dear death. Ha-ha-ha-ha.

[The elevator door opens. There’s a woman wearing a wedding dress, holding flowers in one hand and a rope in the other.]

The women: Winafred Rogers got cold feet, and hung herself in a honeymoon suite

[the elevator door closes]

Kate: Oh, my god!

Beck: You totally dropped.

Kate: So did you.

Mark: Floor 20. Hall of our five scar restaurant.

[The elevator door opens. There’s a waiter with a big plate in his hands and the meal is covered.]

Waiter: Today’s special, your head. [When he opens the cover, it’s Kate’s head.]

[The elevator door closes]

Kate: Ah! That was my head! Is that why they take your picture when you enter the park?

Mark: I’m not telling. 49th floor.

Beck: Here we go. Here we go.

[The elevator door opens. There is David Pumpkins with two other people. He is wearing a suit that hast pumpkins printed on it. The other two are wearing skeleton skin costume.]

David Pumpkins: How’s it hanging? I’m David Pumpkins. And I’m gonna scare the hell out of you.

[music playing]

[David Pumpkins and the two skeletons start dancing]

Any questions?

[The elevator door closes]

[Kate and Beck say nothing. They are confused.]

Mark: Scared to speechless?

Beck: Oh, no. No. I’m just trying to wrap my head around, David Pumpkins? I mean, are we supposed to know who that is?

Kate: Yeah. It was just a guy in a pumpkin suit with two B-boy skeletons. I don’t get how that’s scary.

Mark: Well, you don’t get frights. You fear them. 26th floor.

[The elevator door opens. There’s a lady ghost wearing white pajamas and has black hair covering all her face.]

Lady: Can I sleep in your bed tonight? [screaming]

[The elevator door closes]

Kate: Yeah. I get why she is here.

Beck: Yeah. Creepy girl from ‘The Ring’. But David Pumpkins? I mean, is he from something?

Kate: Yeah. Like, is he from a local commercial?

Mark: Well, the scariest thing to the mind is the unknown.

[The elevator door opens. There’s David Pumpkins and his dancers again.]

David Pumpkins: I’m David Pumpkins.

Beck: I know. But like, who are you?

David Pumpkins: I’m David Pumpkins, man!

Kate: Okay. Yeah, yeah, and David Pumpkins is?

David Pumpkins: Is own thang!

Beck: And the skeletons are?

Skeletons: Part of it!

Kate: Why are you a part of this ride?

David Pumpkins: To do this.

[music playing]

[David Pumpkins and the skeletons start dancing]

What’s my name?

Skeletons: David S. Pumpkins.

David Pumpkins: Any questions?

[The elevator door closes]

Beck: Yes! Several! I mean, he has a middle initial now? I am so in the weave for David Pumpkins.

Kate: Babe, don’t let David Pumpkins ruin your night.

Mark: David S. Pumpkins! Floor 99.

[The elevator door opens]

[There is a woman wearing straitjacket with a huge chainsaw. She turns on the chainsaw.]

Woman: [screaming] Ah! I’m crazy… for… David Pumpkins.

[music playing]

[Crazy woman starts dancing.  David Pumpkins and the two skeletons join her.]

[The elevator door closes]

Kate: How much David Pumpkins is in this?

Mark: Um, 73 out of 100 floors.

Beck: Why did you go all in on David Pumpkins?

Mark: Ay, look! It’s 100 floors of frights. They’re not all going to be winners. Floor 100.

[The elevator door opens. There are two skeletons of David Pumpkins.]

Kate: Okay. So now it’s just the skeletons?

Skeletons: Ready or now? Here we dance.

[music playing]

[The skeletons start dancing]

Happy Halloween!

[Cut to Kate and Beck looking at the skeletons with attention. David Pumpkins is sitting just behind him.]

David Pumpkins: [by surprise] Any questions?

[Kate and Beck are scared to death.]