Devin Walker[Starts with Michael Che in his set]
Michael Che: Season 48 is underway and things are going well. Here to talk about how he’s adjusting is our new cast member, Devin Walker.[Devon Walker slides in] [cheers and applause]
Devon Walker: Thank you for having me, Che.
Michael Che: Anytime, man. So how’s this whole experience been for you, man? You diggin New York?
Devon Walker: Not really. If I’m being honest, I think New York’s a little overrated.
Michael Che: Wow. Where are you from?
Devon Walker: I’m from Texas.
Michael Che: Oh, Texas.[cheers]
Devon Walker: What? You know, I mean, honestly, don’t do that. Don’t do that. I hate how New Yorkers talk about where I’m from. All right? Every single time I tell the New Yorker I’m from Texas, they apologize to me like I fought in a war. Every single time, they’re like, “Oh my god, I’m so sorry that happened to you.” They’ll say stuff like that. And it’s like Texas isn’t a perfect place. But every single time I step outside of my apartment in New York, I see the worst thing I’ve ever seen in my life. And that’s a normal thing to see. All right? Like, one time I saw a kid get into a fistfight with a bird. And the bird was winning. I told my homies from the neighborhood what I saw him, he goes, “Oh, that’s just Mike.” That’s what he said. And I know if he was talking about the kid or the bird. If you saw that in Texas, they’d shut Texas down forever, alright? Nobody would go to school or anything. They just hang out at home until the vibes got right again.
Michael Che: Well, you just got here. I’m sure you’ll start to fit in.
Devon Walker: Alright, speaking of fitting in, can I ask the audience a question real quick?
Michael Che: Okay.
Devon Walker: Hey, guys. Y’all think I look like a catcaller?
Devon Walker: I don’t think I look like one, but ever since I moved here, every time I see a dude who’s doing a cat call, we have on the exact same outfit. Sometimes I pass woman on the street and I see them look at me and they go like that. They try to dodge me real quick. And I know why it happens. All right? I’m a large man. Large men be responsible for a lot of bad things historically. But I’ve been trying to figure out how to communicate to these women that I’m not going to do anything weird. So anytime one tries to avoid me, I’ve just been whispering like “Ay, baby girl. Don’t worry about it. I’m regular.”
Michael Che: Why are you whispering?
Devon Walker: I don’t know, man. My body’s big. I’m trying to make my voice little, okay? It’s hard out here.
Michael Che: You might be overthinking it, Devin.
Devon Walker: I don’t think I am. Alright. Look, watch this. Watch this. Hey, real quick. Were my straight boys at? Yeah, morale is real low right now. If I would have asked that question in 1996, the building would have exploded. 30 Rock would just be gone because the hetero boys brought it down. we get a lot of bad press right now. We get a lot of bad press. I think we can change it. I think we got to do a culture shift. I think that’s what we need. I think all of us need to try to be a little bit more gay.
Michael Che: Say what now?
Devon Walker: I said what I said, Michael, all right? Our culture is bad. We need to shift. Every single year 37 of my homies invite me to be in a fantasy football league. And I don’t think the straight communities knows that we don’t have to do that. I just want my brothers to be free. Next time one of my homies asked me if I’m drafting Tom Brady, I swear I’ll be like, “Nah, dog, I’m trying to kiss you on the lips actually.”
Michael Che: Devon Walker, everybody.
Devon Walker: I’m gonna kiss Michael Che.
Michael Che: For Weekend Update, I’m Michael Che.
Colin Jost: I’m Colin Jost. Goodnight.