Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton… Kate McKinnon
Chuck Schumer… Alex Moffat
Diane Feinstein… Cecily Strong
Tim Kaine… Mikey Day
Donna Brazile… Leslie Jones
Joe Biden… Jason Sudeikis
Bernie Sanders… Larry David
[Starts with a message video]
Male voice: And now a message from the democratic national committee.
[Cut to Nancy Pelosi in her set]
Nancy Pelosi: This Tuesday, American went to the poll.
[Cut to Chuck Schumer]
Chuck Schumer: And they told president Trump, “We don’t like what you’re doing at all, sir.”
[Cut to Diane Feinstein]
Diane Feinstein: And now, one thing is clear. We’re back, baby.
[Cut to Nancy Pelosi]
Nancy Pelosi: The dems are back.
[Cut to Tim Kaine]
Tim Kaine: [in foreign language.] We’re back!
[Cut to Chuck Schumer and Diane Feinstein]
Chuck Schumer and Diane Feinstein: You love us again.
Chuck Schumer: And we haven’t felt this confident since the day before Trump won.
[Cut to Nancy Pelosi]
Nancy Pelosi: You love our fresh new ideas delivered by fresh new faces like me, Nancy Pelosi.
[Cut to Diane Feinstein]
Diane Feinstein: And me, Diane Feinstein.
[Cut to Chuck Schumer]
Chuck Schumer: And me, Chuck Schumer.
[Cut to Tim Kaine]
Tim Kaine: [in foreign language] I’m Tim Kaine.
[Cut to Donna Brazile]
Donna Brazile: And I’m team player, Donna Brazile.
[Cut to Nancy Pelosi]
Nancy Pelosi: And we also have some great new leaders waiting in the wings like hot young thing, Elizabeth Warren. And also, that’s right.
[Cut to Joe Biden]
Joe Biden: It’s Biden Time.
[Cut to Bernie Sanders]
Bernie Sanders: And I’m still around too.
[Cut to Nancy Pelosi and Diane Feinstein]
Diane Feinstein: And together, we are going to end the spirit of divisiveness in this country by focusing on how we won the governor’s faces in two of the 10 states we care about.
Nancy Pelosi: And we learned our lesson from the election. We can’t just appeal to coastal elites. We need mouth breathers from Wisconsin.
Diane Feinstein: And window lickers from Ohio as well.
Nancy Pelosi: And we know what Americans really care about is jobs.
Diane Feinstein: Jobs, like smuggling immigrants across the border.
Nancy Pelosi: And converting confederate monuments into statues of prominent lesbian poets.
[Cut to Bernie Sanders]
Bernie Sanders: And we’re going to lace into people if they don’t say what’s politically correct. Like these comics out there who think it’s okay to make jokes about concentration camps. That guy should rot in he..
[Cut to Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer and Diane Feinstein]
Chuck Schumer: The dems are back, and we don’t stop now because we need another path for our country.
Diane Feinstein: Another vision for America.
[Cut to Hillary Clinton]
Hillary Clinton: Another chance for me, Hillary Rodham Clinton. Just one more chance, and maybe more more chance after that. Ha-ha-ha-ha.
[Cut to Donna Brazile]
Donna Brazile: I thought she was dead.
[Cut to Chuck Schumer and Diane Feinstein]
Chuck Schumer: We need bold leadership.
Diane Feinstein: And new blood.
[Cut to ‘Not Hillary’. She is Hillary Clinton wearing a fake mustache.]
Not Hillary: I think the Hillary idea could still work.
[Cut to Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, Diane Feinstein and Tim Kaine]
Chuck Schumer: This is our time.
Diane Feinstein: Our time.
Tim Kaine: Yo soy, Tim Kaine.
Nancy Pelosi: And just wait till Bernie transfers his millennial voters over to new leader.
[Cut to Bernie Sanders]
Bernie Sanders: No. If you like it, you should have put a ring on it. Pass!
[Cut to Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, Diane Feinstein and Tim Kaine]
Diane Feinstein: So, watch out, America.
[Cut to Hillary Clinton]
Hillary Clinton: Because the dems are back.
[Cut to Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, Diane Feinstein and Tim Kaine]
Diane Feinstein: We’re back.
[Cut to Bernie Sanders]
Bernie Sanders: We’re back, baby.
[Cut to Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, Diane Feinstein and Tim Kaine]
Tim Kaine: Wi ado, senor, Trump.
All: Because the dems are back.
[Donna Brazile walks in]
Donna Brazile: I will destroy all of this.
Male voice: This ad was paid for by Mark Cuban for republican president.