Brunch

Aidy Bryant

Kate McKinnon

Zac Efron

Cecily Strong

Claire

Chris Hemsworth

[Starts with a group of girls at a restaurant]

Aidy: You guys, I meant to tell you I finally saw Magic Mike.

Kate: Oh my god, Megan, did you love it?

Aidy: Yes! Channing Tatum is the hottest.

[Cut to Vanessa and Cecily]

Vanessa: Excuse me, that is rude to Zac Efron. Have you seen him in the Lucky One?

Cecily: kay, okay. Neither of them hold a candle to Bradley Cooper and, um, anything?

Aidy: True.

[Cut to Claire]

Claire: What about Chris Hemsworth in Thor?

[Cut to everybody]

Aidy: Honestly, totally, totally good call, Claire.

Cecily: Yeah, a hunky Australian in sexy armor? Yes please!

[Cut to Claire]

Claire: Oh, totally. I’d rather see out of the armor. Am I right bitches?

[Cut to everybody laughing] [Cut to Aidy and Kate]

Kate: Oh, my god, you know who else is hot? Paul Rudd in Clueless.

Aidy: Okay, yes. That is classic hot.

[Cut to Claire]

Claire: Yeah, he’s pretty good but he’s no Chris Hemsworth in Thor. That scene where he comes home from battling and has his shirt off. Hmm, yum-yum-yum-yum.

[Cut to Vanessa and Cecily]

Cecily: Wow, you really know a lot about that movie Thor.

[Cut to Claire]

Claire: And that sexy red cape of his always brushing against his big butt. Oh, to be that cape, am I right bitches?

[Cut to everybody. Others don’t want to agree]

Oh! Okay, bathroom time. BRB.

[Claire leaves for bathroom] [Cut to Vanessa and Cecily]

Cecily: Hey guys, crazy question. Is our friend Claire actually Chris Hemsworth?

[Cut to Aidy and Kate]

Aidy: Well, what do you mean?

[Cut to Vanessa and Cecily]

Vanessa: Like, the movie star?

Cecily: Yeah. I mean, I could be wrong and that could just be our friend Claire, but it kind of seems like it’s Chris Hemsworth in disguise.

[Cut to Aidy and Kate]

Kate: But we’ve been friends with Claire for years.

Aidy: Well, wait, have we?

Kate: Actually, coming to think of it, I’ve never met Claire before today.

[Cut to everybody. Claire comes back.]

Claire: I’m back bitches.

The rest: Hi, Claire.

[Cut to Claire]

Claire: Are wt still talking about that hunk Chris Hemsworth?

[Cut to Vanessa and Cecily]

Cecily: Sort of.

Vanessa: You know, I heard he’s making a third Thor movie. It’s like, do we really need three?

[Cut to Claire]

Claire: Ah, yes we do, so shut up. I’d watch Chris in a thousand Thors as long as he has that big hard hammer. Am I right bitches?

[Cut to Aidy and Kate]

Aidy: We don’t really call each other that.

[Cut to Vanessa and Cecily]

Cecily: Hey Claire, can we talk about something?

[Cut to Claire]

Claire: Oh, I know what we can talk about. You know how most Hollywood actors use makeup to define their abs? I heard not Chris Hemsworth. His abs are the real deal.

[Cut to Vanessa and Cecily]

Cecily: I believe that. He is pretty ripped.

[Cut to Claire]

Claire: Uh, pretty? Try ‘very’.

[Cut to Aidy and Kate]

Kate: I heard he lost a lot of weight for that new movie, Dick movie though.

[Cut to Claire]

Claire: Could have fooled me. He still looks huge. He’s bigger than Dang Body John. No wonder Bobby Dick wants to eat him, he looks so freaking delicious.

[Cut to Vanessa and Cecily]

Vanessa: You know who is actually super delicious? Liam Hemsworth.

[Cut to Aidy and Kate]

Aidy: Oh, yeah. He’s definitely the hotter Hemsworth.

[Cut to Claire]

Claire: [coughing] No way! No, Liam is gross. I heard he breast fed till he was four.

[Cut to Vanessa and Cecily]

Vanessa: Where would you have heard that, Claire?

[Cut to everybody]

Claire: Oops, there goes my pesky bladder again. To the bathroom.

[Cut to Vanessa and Cecily]

Cecily: Okay, I’m sure now more than ever that our friend Claire is actually Chris Hemsworth in a dress and a wig.

[Cut to Aidy and Kate]

Kate: Why would Christ Hemsworth do this? He’s a very famous actor.

Aidy: I mean, that would make his insane!

[Cut to Vanessa and Cecily]

Cecily: You’re right. It’s definitely our friend Claire. You know, Claire from college or growing up or something.

[Cut to Aidy and Kate]

Kate: Oh, look, Claire got a text. [read’s Claire’s text] Hah! It’s from Robert Downey Jr.

Aidy: Girls, does Claire know Robert Downey Jr.?

Kate: Ah, here’s a better question. Does Claire exist?

[Cut to everybody. Claire comes back.]

Claire: I’m back bitches. Did you miss me bitches?

[Cut to Aidy and Kate]

Aidy: Okay, Claire. We have a question for you.

Kate: Claire, are you Chris Hemsworth in a wig and dress?

[Cut to everybody] [Claire is laughing, but stops in a moment]

Chris Hemsworth: I am.

[Chris Hemsworth takes his wig off.]

Everyone these days– Okay, I guess I just wanted to see if girls still liked me. Everyone these days keeps talking about Chris Pratt and Ryan Gosling and freaking Liam from the Hunger Games. I just needed to know. Does anyone still find little old C. Hemmy attractive. [Cut to everybody] Am I still a hunk.

Cecily: Of course, Chris.

Vanessa: You’re a hunk.

Kate: You’ll always be a hunk.

Aidy: No, this was bad and you’re weird now.

[The End]