Bridesmaid Cult Documentary

Dr. Greg Lawrence… James Austin Johnson

Riley Dibiase Lowell… Heidi Gardner

Brittany Reynolds… Ego Nwodim

Naomi Daniels… Quinta Brunson

Josh Chan-Moy… Bowen Yang

Riley Dibiase… Sarah Sherman

Vanessa Cutchin… Punkie Johnson

Michelle… Molly Kearney

Riley Dibiase Lowell: It all started with a box on my doorstep.

Brittany Reynolds: And a note with a question.

Naomi Daniels: I just got this feeling that it wasn’t the kind of question you could say no to.

Riley Dibiase: Will you…

Vanessa Cutchin: Be my…

Riley Dibiase Lowell: Bridesmaid.

Male voice: From the people who brought you ‘Keep Sweet’, ‘Wild Wild Country’ and ‘the Nexium Documentary,’ comes a harrowing new cult story ‘I was a bridesmaid.’

Dr. Greg Lawrence: Each year more than 6 million women fall into this type of cut. They prey on vulnerable groups like college roommates and sisters in law.

Riley Dibiase Lowell: They sell you on the big day. I thought it was a one day commitment. But for 18 months, I was fully sucked in.

Brittany Reynolds: I mean, there was an email chain a group text, DMS, a whole last conversation in the comments on Venmo.

Naomi Daniels: That sent a 200 question poll about customized shirts. We ended up going with bride tribe.

Dr. Greg Lawrence: These cults also target another vulnerable group. -Outgoing gay men.

Josh Chan-Moy: I’ve been a bridesmaid at nine weddings this year. Whenever a girl starts calling me sis, I know I’m in trouble.

Dr. Greg Lawrence: The Bachelorette Party is the first major ritual. Almost always in Nashville.

Riley Dibiase: I tried to say I couldn’t afford to go because my student loans. The maid of honor texted back “No worries” with the sparkle emoji. I knew what that meant. I sold my car to make it happen.

Naomi Daniels: At first, I thought that the bride was in charge. But it was the woman under her, the maid of honor, Michelle.

Vanessa Cutchin: Michelle was a sociopath.

Michelle: Attention. First, we’re going to be getting up at 6am for a sunrise pole dancing fitness class. Then we’re going to be renting a nine person party bike. We’re going to be drinking, drinking, drinking.

Brittany Reynolds: You know what? I’m actually not feeling that good. So I might meet you guys later.

Chloe: That’s okay. [smiles at Brittany Reynolds, but then looks at Michelle looking disappointed]

Michelle: Hey, Brittany, can we talk for a sec?

[Michelle is having serious discussion with Brittany Reynolds]

Josh Chan-Moy: I don’t have many memories from the bachelorette trip. Because I was drugged by myself. I had no choice. These women were terrorizing every gay bar in town.

Dr. Greg Lawrence: As with all cults, there is a financial element.

Naomi Daniels: I spent $300 on a bridesmaid’s dress, the bride store I find other times to wear it. Like, where am I going that calls for a floor length light blue chiffon gown with a modest neckline? Nowhere.

Riley Dibiase: Then the bridal shower, more money, more gifts. There was all this penis stuff, sashes straws. Everyone acted like it was hilarious. I didn’t understand.

Dr. Greg Lawrence: The penis stuff is it’s very funny. I will say that.

Riley Dibiase Lowell: And finally it was time for the big day.

Riley Dibiase: I was separated from my boyfriend and given a new partner. The groom’s cousin Donny who was inexplicably 61.

Josh Chan-Moy: Final ritual was the most demeaning. We had to write and perform original lyrics to Fresh Prince of Bel Air.


Naomi Daniels: And then, all of a sudden it was over. But I just got engaged. Don’t worry, I’m going to be such a chill bride.

Inventor Documentary

Taylor Gosh… Selena Gomez

[Starts with show intro]

Male voice: We now return to American inventors.

[Cut to Taylor Gosh]

Taylor Gosh: The automobile, paper cup, dancing, computer. These were all invented. But who did that and what is their story? We begin with Archie Gizmo, the brilliant inventor of the whoopee cushion.

Archie Gizmo: Well, back in the early 60s. I was just a struggling gag and dinner. And all I had was an early prototype of the cushion? I knew it would be funny to have your boss sit down and a noise come from his butt. But I just couldn’t figure out what noise. No. I couldn’t crack. But then I met her.

[Cut to Aidy dancing]

Miss Dina Beans. I saw her from afar. Her energy was magnetic. Her eyes are endless. And every time she sat down, gas.

[cut to video clips where Aidy farts when she sits]

Taylor Gosh: It was that night he realized the funniest noise that could come out of a butt was a fart.

News anchor: Watch out substitute teachers, don’t sit down. They’re calling it the whoopee cushion and they’re flying off the shelves.

Taylor Gosh: He had a bonafide hits and it didn’t stop there. Dena Beans became his news.

Archie Gizmo: I fell in love with Dina. And she was behind every good idea I ever had. Because you see, she wasn’t just a chronic gas passer. She was also the most viciously, unlucky woman I had ever met.

[Cut to Dina Beans in her kitchen]

Dina Beans: Oh, yum, peanuts?

[whe she opens the bottle, snakes come out of it]

Oh, snakes?

Archie Gizmo: I mean, what the hell could have been going on at the peanut factory for a sealed can to be full of four multicolored, alive, poisonous snakes?

News anchor: Watch out in peanut fans. Maybe it’s time to switch to pecans.

Taylor Gosh: Archie diligently recorded home footage of Dina’s every move. Here, Dina is struck by lightning while shaking someone’s hand.

[cut to a video where Dina is struck by lightning while shaking someone’s hand]

Dina Beans: Hi, Mr. Nice to meet you. [gets struck by lightning]

Archie Gizmo: Boom. That was the hand buzzer. Very next day, hand to God, her eyeballs popped out of her sockets.

[cut to a video of Dina’s eye balls popping out of her head while sneezing]

Dina Beans: Oh, my eyes fell out.

Archie Gizmo: Boom. Googly eyed slinging glasses.

[Dina Beans puts her eye balls back]

Dina Beans: That’s better.

Archie Gizmo: Then lightning got the woman again. This time while taking a piece of gum from a guy.

[cut to a video where Dina is struck by lightning while taking a gum from a guy]

Dina Beans: Tutti Frutti, my favorite– [gets struck by lightning]

Commercial: Electric gum, the gum that bites back.

Taylor Gosh: How this woman did not die between two lightning strikes and a snake attack is between her and God. But Archie’s hit pranks just kept coming.

Archie Gizmo: Dina got struck by lightning almost weekly. While clicking a pin.

Commercial: Electric Shocker, the pen that gives an electric shock.

Archie Gizmo: Sitting down.

Commercial: Electric whoopee cushion.

Archie Gizmo: She was God’s perfect fool.

Taylor Gosh: Archie became the most famous gag inventor in the world. And it was all thanks to Dina Beans.

Archie Gizmo: We had everything. Money, a house in the hills, late nights with celebrities, the parties and illicit drugs were fun. But none of that mattered to me because Dina was the prize and the greatest gag she ever goofed was marrying a guy like me. I love you Dina Beans.

Dina Beans: Oh, and I love you Archie Gizmo.

Archie Gizmo: Sharke on it? [gives his hand to shake, but he has a shocker in his hand. When she shakes her hand, she gets electric shock]