Robert De Niro
Tracy Morgan[Starts with SNL monologue intro] [Cut to SNL stage] [Band is playing music]
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Tina Fey.[Tina Fey walks in and to the stage] [cheers and applause]
Tina Fey: Thank you, guys. It is so great to be hosting the season finale of Saturday Night Live. We’ve had a lovely time here this week. In fact, I realized it’s been 20 years since I started working here. [cheers and applause] Yeah. And I got here on Monday. And people in the crew came up to me in the studio and said, “Welcome home.” And it just made me feel so bad that I didn’t remember their names.
Also, kind of exciting, yesterday was my birthday. [cheers and applause] Yeah. I turned 60. No. Not really. I just say that so that people will be like, “Wow! You look amazing.” And since it is my birthday this week, they said that I could do anything I wanted for my monologue, so I would like to take some questions from the audience. So, does anybody have a question? Yes, you sir.
Jerry Seinfeld: Yes, hi. I have a question. [cheers and applause] Do you think the show has too many celebrity cameos these days? Because I’m worried the cast isn’t getting a chance to grow.
Tina Fey: Um, yeah. I agree. Actually, I think it kind of hurts the show a little bit. Thank you. Um, yes, you sir.
Beck Bennett: Um, yes–
Tina Fey: [interrupting] No, sir, I’m pointing at the man behind you.[Beck Bennett walks away. Benedict Cumberbatch is behind him.] [cheers and applause]
Benedict Cumberbatch: Yeah. Is Kenan Thompson gonna be on the show tonight?
Tina Fey: Um, yeah. Kenan will definitely be on the show tonight.
Benedict Cumberbatch: He’s great. But have you ever thought about replacing Kenan with a slightly more famous person? It could be fun.
Tina Fey: Ah! I don’t think that’s been suggested. But I’ll pass it along. Thank you. Yes, anyone else? Uh, yes! Right over there, sir.
Chris Rock: Ah! Never mind. [cheers and applause] He already asked my question. [pointing at Benedict Cumberbatch]
Tina Fey: Oh! Yes, you, sir.
Robert De Niro: Yeah, I just wanted to ask [cheers and applause] with all of the make up, I mean, could you tell that I was Robert Mueller?
Tina Fey: Yes, Mr. De Niro, we knew that was you. Yeah.
Rovert De Niro: Okay. Okay. That’s a relief because this could be, you know, a big break for me.
Tina Fey: Yes. Oh! Yes, hey. it’s Fred Armisen. Okay.[cheers and applause]
Fred Armisen: Hi, Tina. I have question. Do you think it’s weird that so many former cast members hang around the show all the time?
Tina Fey: Oh, yeah. It just seem to be a lot of us. But I don’t know. Does it seem weird to you?
Fred Armisen: No. I think it’s great!
Tina Fey: Yeah, but doesn’t a part of you feel like, “Oh, when we come back we take up time that should go to new people on the show?”
Fred Armisen: You know what? That’s a good point. I guess we shouldn’t take up all that time that the new people could be using. You look great, by the way.
Tina Fey: Oh, thanks. You look great too.
Fred Armisen: Thank you. I’m on this whole new program. I’m walking a lot. And I’m trying to do more of regular sleep schedule. I’m drinking a lot of juice.
Tina Fey: Sounds really healthy, Fred.
Fred Armisen: It’s so important. Next time you’re in LA, I’m gonna take you to my juice guy. He’s Brazilian. He only speaks Portuguese. He does this thing where he puts a lot of the pulp in the juices so you get more of the fiber. Otherwise, you know, you’re just getting the sugar and the water. And that’s not enough. The fiber is what your body really wants. Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh, yeah. The new people. They should get more camera time. Yeah.
Tina Fey: Yeah. Oh, yes. Over here.
Anne Hathaway: Hi. [cheers and applause] So, that was actually Robert De Niro?
Tina Fey: Um, yes. Yes, it was.
Anne Hathaway: [gesturing her mind blown] Wow!
Tina Fey: Yes! Another guest, over here.
Jerry Seinfeld: Hi, yeah. Me again. How come you haven’t asked me to play anyone from the news? I literally live down the street.
Tina Fey: Yeah. That’s a great question. I don’t know why they haven’t asked you to play someone from the news. I’m not in charge of that.
Jerry Seinfeld: I mean, what about Steve Mnuchin? People say I look a little bit like him.
Tina Fey: Do you want to play Steve Mnuchin?
Jerry Seinfeld: I don’t know who he is, but if I look like him, you know? Give me something to do.
Tina Fey: Okay. Well, there’s a sign up sheet in the hall. Anybody else? Oh, yeah.
Donald Glover: Yeah. Hey. [cheers and applause] I was here a couple of weeks ago and I forgot my hat. I think I left it in the host dressing room.
Tina Fey: Oh, yeah. I think I saw that. I’ll try to get that back to you.
Donald Glover: Okay, cool. But just so you know, I have this system in place. So I’ll be able to tell if you wore it or not. So…
Tina Fey: Okay. Well, if there are no other questions, then I guess we are done.[Tracy Morgan walks on stage] [cheers and applause]
Tracy Morgan: No, we are not, Tina. Well, if you thought I was gonna forget to surprise you on your birthday, you are crazy. On behalf of everyone here and everyone watching at home, or at a bus station, happy birthday Tina Fey.
Tina Fey: Aw, thank you Tracy. My birthday was actually yesterday though.
Tracy Morgan: No surprise, girl. If your man isn’t making you feel special today, I will. If your man isn’t giving you what you need today, I will.
Tina Fey: Okay, Tracy. You’re friends with my husband, Jeff. You worked together for a long time.
Tracy Morgan: Nah! When it’s birthday, all bets are off. You’re 60, baby. That’s gross, but I love you.
Tina Fey: I love you too, Tracy. We have a great show for you tonight. Tracy, you know who’s here?
Tracy Morgan: Who?
Tina Fey: Nicki Minaj is here.[cheers and applause]
Tracy Morgan: Nicki Minaj is here?
Tina Fey: Yeah.
Tracy Morgan: Yeah, I’mma get that pregnant.
Tina Fey: Alright. Stick around, we’ll be right back.