Dating Show

Michelle… Cecily Strong

Dustin… Beck Bennett

Jared… Kyle Mooney

Frank… Mikey Day

Ryan Mack… John Cena

[Starts with MTV show schedule]

Male voice: You’re watching MTV. At six, it’s ‘Teen Mom’. At seven, it’s ‘Teen Wolf’. And at eight, it’s ‘Teen Wolf Mom’. But first, it’s time for all new, ‘Hook a Hunk’.

[Cut to the Hook a Hunk stage. There is a lady and three guys on the stage.]

Female voice: Tonight, things are heating up. We got one lucky girl.

[Cut to Michelle]

Michelle: I’m Michelle. I’m 22. and when it comes to love, I’ma all about it.

Female voice: Who gets to hook one of three hot hunks.

[Cut to the hunks]

Dustin: I’m Dustin. I have two cats and I think you’re purr-fect.

Jared: I’m Jared. I love hotdogs. And if you are, I’d relish you.

Frank: I’m Frank. I’m a magician. And if you give me a chance, I think my penis could do the trick.

Female voice: Who will she choose? Let’s find out now on Hook a Hunk. With your host Ryan Mack.

[Ryan Mack walks in]

Ryan Mack: Hey, everyone. Welcome to the show. Let’s get started.

Michelle: Oh, my god. You’re– you’re the host?

Ryan Mack: Yeah, I’m Ryan.

Michelle: Oh, I’m– I’m Michelle. I’m the contestant.

Ryan Mack: I know it. I know coz I’m–

Michelle: You’re the host. Of course. I’m– That was stupid.

Ryan Mack: No. No, it was cool. You wanna play the game?

Michelle: Yeah. I’m sorry. I’m just– I’m nervous.

Ryan Mack: You’re gonna do great. Just be yourself and relax.

Michelle: [flirting] Yeah, easy for you to say. You run this whole place.

Ryan Mack: Shut up.

Michelle: You shut up.

[Cut to the hunks]

Jared: Ha-ha. Ready whenever you are, Ryan.

Dustin: Yeah, this hunk is ready to get hooked.

Frank: Forget these bozos, Michelle. I know you’re going to hook me.

[Cut to Michelle and Ryan Mack. Michelle is feeling Ryan Mack’s biceps.]

Michelle: My god, your arms are so big.

Ryan Mack: Too big?

Michelle: No, no, no. Like, I bet you could pick me up so easily.

Ryan Mack: You want me to try?

Michelle: Right now? You are so crazy, Ryan. Um, but… what are you doing tonight?

Ryan Mack: Well, I just have this thing to do for an hour. Then I’m free. You wanna grab some food?

Michelle: Yeah. Sure. What kind of food do you like?

[Cut to the hunks]

Jared: Well, for me, my favorite food is strawberries because I’m sweet and, yeah, I like to jam.

Dustin: And I like toast because I want to toast to you, Michelle, and the rest of our lives together.

[Cut to Michelle and Ryan Mack. Michelle is holding Ryan Mack’s hand.]

Michelle: Babe, it’s okay, you can tell me what it is.

Ryan Mack: Well, I had a younger brother but he died.

Michelle: Oh, no. I’m so sorry.

Ryan Mack: His last words were ‘Find the right girl.”

Michelle: We should visit his grave. Oh my god, I’m sorry. That was so forward of me.

Ryan Mack: No, it’s not. You’re a family now.

[Cut to the hunks]

Dustin: And if I was on a desert island, the two things I would bring are my guitar and you, Michelle.

[Cut to Michelle and Ryan Mack. Michelle is leaning her head on Ryan Mack’s shoulder.]

Ryan Mack: I feel like we’re the only two people alive.

Michelle: Hey, how did you get that scar?

Ryan Mack: I don’t want to tell you. I would just scare you away.

Michelle: Look at me. Nothing is scaring me away.

[Michelle and Ryan Mack start kissing] [Cut to the hunks]

Jared: [looking around confused] And for me, if I was on a desert island, I would bring you, Michelle, and one dozen roses.

Dustin: That’s a really good answer.

Jared: No, it wasn’t. They’re not even listening. I feel so stupid.

Dustin: Hey, you’re not stupid. You’re smart.

Jared: Thanks.

Dustin: Yeah. I mean, that thing you said before about the strawberries, that was awesome.

[Jared hits Dustin in a playful way]

Jared: You’re just saying that.

Dustin: [staring at Jared] I’m not

[Dustin and Jared start kissing]

Female voice: This is been another episode of ‘Hook a hunk’. Until next time, stay horny.

Frank: Um, so, should I just go or…?

Stranger Things

Ross Duffer… Mikey Day

Matt Duffer… Alex Moffat

Mike… Kyle Mooney

Dustin… Lin-Manuel Miranda

Lucas… Sasheer Zamata

Mom… Leslie Jones

Dad… Kenan Thompson

Will’s mom… Melissa Villaseńor

Eleven… Kate McKinnon

Jim Hopper… Beck Bennett

[Starts with Netflix: Behind The Scenes intro] [Cut to Ross Duffer and Matt Duffer in their set]

Ross Duffer: Hi, we’re the Duffer brothers. Our show ‘Stranger Things’ was the show of the summer.

Matt Duffer: In next season, we’re solving some of the first season’s biggest mysteries.

Ross Duffer: Like, where is the upside down?

Matt Duffer: Is Barb coming back?

Ross Duffer: And where is that black kid’s family?

Matt Duffer: Yeah.

Ross Duffer: Yeah.

Matt Duffer: It was a little overside on our part.

Ross Duffer: Oops.

Matt Duffer: So to knit this one into the bug before the blogs come after us…

Ross Duffer: Here is a sneak peak at Stranger Things season two.

Matt Duffer: Whooo!

[Cut to Stranger Things video bumper] [Cut to Mike, Dustin and Lucas on their bikes.]

Mike: Come on guys, this is the way to the upside down.

Dustin: Are you sure about this?

Mike: I don’t know. We gotta find Will.

Lucas: Yeah, Dustin, you’re such a baby.

Dustin: I’m not a baby. I’m just scared the monsters are gonna eat us.

Lucas: Whatever, I’m not scared of anything.

Woman’s voice: Lucas!

Lucas: Oh no. Oh god! It’s my parents.

[Lucas’s mom and Lucas’s dad walk in]

Lucas’s mom: Lucas! Where the hell have you been? We haven’t seen you in days.

Lucas’s dad: What makes you think you can be out this late? Kids in this town are getting snatched up by kidnappers.

[cut to Mike and Dustin]

Dustin: But it’s not kidnappers.

Mike: Yeah, it’s the demigorgan.

[Cut to Lucas’s mom and Lucas’s dad]

Lucas’s dad: A demi what?

Mike: It’s a monster and we’re looking for it.

[Cut to Lucas’s mom and Lucas’s dad]

Lucas’s mom: Lucas, I told you not to hang out with these little white kids.

Lucas: But we have to find the upside down.

Lucas’s dad: The what?

Lucas: It’s like the normal world but it’s scarier. And there’s danger at every turn.

Lucas’s mom: Baby, people who look like us already live in the upside down.

Lucas’s dad: Let me put it to you this way Lucas. You don’t have to go looking for scary stuff. It’s gonna find you.

Lucas: But Will’s in the upside down.

Lucas’s mom: Boy, I will beat your upside down.

Lucas: Okay. Yep, good point. Um, sorry guys. I’ve gotta go.

[Cut to Mike and Dustin]

Dustin: But Lucas?

Lucas’s mom: But nothing. You need to go home too. There needs to be a grown up with y’all.

Dustin: There is an adult, Will’s mom.

[Cut to Will’s mom, Mike and Dustin. Will’s mom is shaking and crying]

Will’s mom: [sobbing] It’s just that I– I wish I could– the lights. Oh, I don’t even know where I’m even supposed to start.

[Cut to Lucas’s mom and Lucas’s dad looking worried]

Lucas’s dad: Oh, na, this lady has lost her damn mind. Come on here Lucas. We’re taking you home.

[as Lucas’s dad is trying to hold Lucas, his hand is stopped] [weird sound]

What happened?

[Cut to Eleven standing beside Mike and Dustin]

Mike and Dustin: Eleven!

[Cut to Lucas, Lucas’s mom and Lucas’s dad]

Lucas’s mom: Man, who is this little creepy wood dude.

Lucas: Mom, she’s a girl. She has special powers and her name is Eleven.

[Cut to Eleven. Her nose is bleeding.] [Cut to Lucas’s mom and Lucas’s dad]

Lucas’s mom: Okay Eleven, I’m going to count to three and if you don’t let my husband go, I’m gonna take these five fingers across your scary ass. One… two…

[Eleven lets Lucas’s dad go.]

Mike: What happened? Did you lose your power?

Eleven: No, she really scared me.

[Jim Hopper walks in his police dress]

Jim: Oh, there you guys are.

[Cut to Lucas, Lucas’s mom and Lucas’s dad. They are scared of Jim.]

Lucas’s dad: [shouting] Oh! Monster!

Lucas: Mom, dad, you don’t have to be scared. This is the police chief.

Lucas’s dad: We know.

[Cut to Dustin]

Dustin: It’s okay. He’s on our side.

[Cut to Jim and Eleven]

Jim: Yeah, these are some of my [looking at Eleven] closest friends.

[Cut to Lucas’s mom and Lucas’s dad]

Lucas’s dad: I don’t like the way that sounds.

[Cut to Jim and Eleven]

Jim: Anyway, I’m glad I found you. El, here’s your frozen eggos.

[Eleven eats eggos wildly] [Cut to Lucas, Lucas’s mom and Lucas’s dad]

Lucas’s dad: Okay, let’s go. These white people crazy.

[Lucas, Lucas’s mom and Lucas’s dad leave] [Cut to Stranger Things video bumper]