College Panel

Aidy Bryant

Anya Taylor-Joy

Max… Pete Davidson

Naomi… Ego Nwodim

Elliot… Bowen Yang

Natalie… Heidi Gardner

Chess… Punkie Johnson

[Starts with two ladies  hosting the college panel]

Aidy: Good afternoon, fellow students of NYU’s film studies department and thank you for tuning into live stream of our final guest panel of the year.

Anya: Please join us in welcoming our distinguished artist today. The cast members of HBO’s hit comedy and my favorite show “Roommates in the city”.

[Cut to the cast members of the show]
[cheers and applause]

Aidy: Our fellow students have submitted questions about comedy, your show and social issues. And we cannot wait to hear your answers. Specially from break out heart drop, Max.

Max: Oh. Hey everyone. Hi.

Anya: Max, stop. This is so fun. Okay, the first question is for Max. How do you come up with ideas for your character?

Max: Honestly, I don’t know. I just say what I think will be funny.

[Aidy and Anya laughing in a flirting way]

Aidy: Totally. Okay, so this next question is also for Max. Do you prefer blondes or brunetts?

Max: That’s tough, but blondes.

[Aidy and Anya laughing in a flirting way looking at each other]

Aidy: Okay. And Naomi, as a black woman, could you please explain race?

Naomi: Okay. Wow. That’s a very cool question for me. Well, I’m a comedian, so my priority is just being funny.

Anya: Um. Now back to Max. Frisbees or dogs?

Max: Frisbees or dogs? That’s tough. But I’m going to have to go with frisbees. Because you can toss it into a friend.

Aidy: Aw! And for Elliot. How has being gay and Chinese prevented you from being happy?

Elliot: Do you want to rephrase that?

Anya: Interesting. Okay, for everyone else, there’s a question submitted by Fran G. “I’ve never seen the show but I can see that two of you are gay, two of you are black, one of you is Asian and some of you are girls.” Elliot, let’s start with you.

Elliot: That was not a question.

Natalie: I just want to say I like dogs more than frisbees.

Anya: We’ll get to you. Max, what’s it like to work with celebrities?

Max: That’s tough. I mean, working with celebrities could be weird but ultimately, it’s awesome.

[Aidy and Anya laughing in a flirting way]

Aidy: That sounds fun. And for queer cast members, “What’s it like to do comedy in a world that cavalierly mocks your existence.

Elliot: Okay. Are there questions that are fun or about the show or less devastating?

Anya: Oh, yes, sure. What’s the typical page to stage process?

Chess: Okay. Well, that’s a great question. So, normally, we start pitching ideas. And here’s a funny story. One time–

Aidy: [interrupting] Oh, that’s great. And here’s a follow up for Max, it is so fun. Is it so fun having a hot and famous wife?

Max: Yes. It’s so fun. She’s so hot.

Aidy: Amazing. And back to Natalie. For a follow up. Here’s an extremely sad quote of your’s that I’ve taken out of context. “I hate myself and I have major body issues.” My question for you is is that bad for you?

Natalie: Yeah, it is bad.

Anya: Awesome. And Naomi, what advice do you have for survivors of terrorist attacks when it comes to breaking into the comedy community?

Naomi: Why is that my question? I mean, I guess I would say– You know. No. Bail. Pass. Not doing it. No.

Aidy: how about you, Natalie?

Natalie: Pass.

Anya: Max, do you like soda?

Max: Yeah, it tastes so good.

Aidy: And Natalie, why didn’t you go to standing rock?

Natalie: Pass.

Anya: Max, what’s your favorite pizza topping?

Max: Oh, cheese.

Aidy: Elliot, you’re a gay homo, yeah?

Elliot: Yep.

Aidy: And Chess, you’re girl gay, so no wear dress?

Chess: Yeah.

Aidy: Max, Playstation

Max: Playstation.

[Aidy and Anya laughing in a flirting way]

Anya: Naomi, if god gave you option to be white, would you take it?

Naomi: Girl, I’m not answering that. No.

Aidy: Okay. Elliot, if Starbucks made an ice tea that made you straight, would you sip it?

Elliot: Okay, I have a question. I’m gay, so I can hit you, right?

Anya: Max, Hannah El says, “If you ever cheat on your wife, please consider me.”

Max: Aw, that’s really awesome.

Aidy: And Natalie, marital rape is still not a crime in all Elliot0 states. What will you as a female comedian do about that?

Natalie: You two are really bad at this.

Anya: Wow! This has been great panel. Unfortunately, that’s all the time we have.

Aidy: Yeah. We’re signing off but we’re dropping all the panelist cell phone numbers in the chat so you can contact them with any lingering questions.

Panelists: Please do not do that.

Max: Awesome, text me. Yeah.

Mr. Robot

Elliot… Pete Davidson

Leslie Jones

Margot Robbie

Mikey Day

[Starts with Mr. Robot intro]

Narrator: Now on USA, Mr. Robot, [Cut to clips from the movie] the award winning techno thrilling series about the paranoid mind of the world’s greatest hacker. He has already hacked the world economy. But now, he faces his greatest challenge yet.

[As Elliot is sitting down using his laptop in a cafe, Leslie approaches him]

Leslie: Hey, man. You know computers?

Elliot: Yeah. Who are you?

Leslie: Oh well, that hurts. Leslie Jones? SNL? You gotta help me find out who hacked my pics. Who got all my nasties!

Elliot: Um…

Narrator: The victim of the summer’s biggest hack turns the tables with the help of TV’s most notorious hacker.

[Cut to Elliot and Leslie in an gaming arcade]

Leslie: I got my laptop right here in my willy bag. You do know Windows 95, right? Cool. That’s the cord. Plug that bad boy in and let it warm up for an hour.

Narrator: It’s a puzzle unlike any he’s faced before.

[Elliot is on his computer and Leslie is playing games]

Leslie: Yo dude, how you doing over there?

Elliot: Still trying to get the lay of the land. So many delta are here. [The desktop has so many shortcut icons]

Narrator: It’s a job for the whole f. society team.

[Cut to Margot speaking to Elliot]

Margot: What the hell, Elliot? Who is she? This is not safe. Why are you helping her?

Leslie: Yo bitch! [Leslie walks in] I do not need this right now. For real.

Margot: Okay. Yea, sorry. Sorry.

Narrator: A dive into the broken mind of an unstable genius, and the hacker she hired to help.

[Cut to Elliot and Leslie]

Leslie: Come on, put my password in. P-A-S-S–

[Elliot puts the password by himself]

Hey, you got it, dude! It was Password. Damn, you is good, dude!
[Cut to Mikey who is Elliot’s conscience]

Mikey: But you could be great if you didn’t let your emotions get the best of you.

Leslie: [to Mikey] Oh, well hello there.

Elliot: You can see Mr. Robot?

Leslie: So, is there a Mrs. Robot.

Elliot: No, he’s a ghost. He’s dead.

Leslie: Pfft! I ain’t afraid of no ghost.

Narrator: With a startling conclusion you won’t believe.

[Elliot meets Leslie at the partk]

Elliot: Leslie, I found your hacker.

[Elliot passes an envelope to Leslie. Leslie opens the envelope and pulls out a photo.]

Leslie: Who is this bitch? Oh, that’s me!

Elliot: It seems you backed up your photos to your online website. I don’t know how you did it. It’s actually really hard to do.

Leslie: Well, I go a photoshoot with M-check magazine that I’m two days late for. So, thank you for this.

Elliot: [thinking] I should probably feel something right now but I dont’.

Leslie: Hold on man! Hold on, hold on man. [Leslie holds Elliot and pulls him to his left.] This just don’t feel balanced. Good god! Alright. Get some vitamins, man! Get some sleep. Y’all millennials don’t take care of yourself.

Narrator: Bi-ba-bu-bu-bi-bop. Mr. Robot