The View: Jenny McCarthy on Vaccines – SNL | Season 44 Episode 8

Whoopi Goldberg… Leslie Jones

Abby Huntsman… Cecily Strong

Joy Behar… Kate McKinnon

Ana Navarro… Melissa Villaseñor

Megan McCain… Aidy Bryant

Jenny McCarthy… Emma Stone

[Starts with The View intro]

Narrator: You’re watching The View. Let’s get ready to rumble.

[Cut to everybody in The View set]

Whoopi Goldberg: Hello, hello, hello. This is The View. [Cut to Whoopi] I’m Whoopi Goldberg and I’m as surprised as you that this show is a fit for me. Later we’ll be talking toes, why so nasty? But up first, today’s hot topics, President Trump tweeted that he is considering dumping illegal immigrants into sanctuary cities. Are these the type of policies we can look forward to now that Kirstjen Nielsen is out? [Cut to Whoopi and Abby] Abby Huntsman, we’ll start with you.

Abby Huntsman: [Cut to Abby] You want to start with me? Okay. Homeland Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen will always be known as the lady who puts kids in cages. And as a human mother, I don’t like that. But as a conservative daughter, I got to ask, why are we ignoring the weird ‘J’ in Kirstjen’s name? And what else is she hiding? Oops! Did I talk too long, Whoopi?

[Cut to Whoopi and Abby]

Whoopi Goldberg: You did good. You did good, baby.

[Cut to Joy]

Joy Behar: Okay. Is it my turn? Oh, yeah. Hot tick alert. I don’t like Trump. Trump, Trump, what a chump. Trump, Trump, what a dump. Okay, look, it’s my 2000th show. At this point I get paid by the word.

[Cut to Ana]

Ana Navarro: Mr. Trump, what are you doing to families at the border? It is shameful. It is nasty. It is broccoli in the microwave. I don’t like it. I don’t want to see it because it is shameful. It is nasty. It is—oh, no. I got stuck in a loop. Sorry.

[Cut to Megan]

Megan McCain: Can I just say something as the princess of Arizona? There is a crisis at the border, and the border is right up in my Arizona, which was founded on sunburnt women selling turquoise jewelry, not rando Mexicans. And that’s not racist because my make up artist is gay.

[Cut to Joy]

Joy Behar: Okay. Okay. This is the problem, you’re demonizing entire countries full of nice people.

[Cut to Joy and Megan]

Megan McCain: Okay, I did not say that.

Joy Behar: Well, can you let me finish?

Megan McCain: Well, can you let me talk?

Joy Behar: Well, can you let me finish?

[Cut to Megan]

Megan McCain: Can you let me talk because it’s actually your job to listen to me.

[Cut to Joy. She is angry. The lights are focused on her][Dramatic music plays] [Cut to Megal peeking at her] [Cut to Abby looking at them with a pack of popcorn] [Cut to Ana taking a video of them with her cell phone] [Cut to Whoopi water spraying them]

Whoopi Goldberg: Okay, okay. Okay, stop it. [Cut to everybody] We not going to do this. This is the ‘The View’. We are five best friends with nothing in common.

Abby Huntsman: Okay. We need to reset. Everybody close your eyes. Now open them. Paul Rudd is 50. What?

[Cut to Joy]

Joy Behar: If Paul Rudd’s 50, I’m dead.

[Cut to Ana]

Ana Navarro: Paul Rudd looks so young because he’s a good person. This is Paul Rudd at 50. [Cut to a picture of Paul Rudd] [Cut to Ana] And this is Steven Miller as a baby. [cut to picture of a baby body with Steven Miller’s face] [Cut to Ana] He will eat you from the inside.

[Cut to everybody]

Everybody: Absolutely.

[Cut to Whoopi]

Whoopi Goldberg: Our guest today is the vixen of anti-vax. Please welcome former ‘View’ co-host Jenny McCarthy.

[Cut to Jenny entering the stage from a door][Music playing]

Jenny McCarthy: Oh, my god. [Jenny sits on her chair] [Cut to Whoopi]

Whoopi Goldberg: Welcome back, Jenny.

[Cut to Jenny]

Jenny McCarthy: Oh, it’s good to be back, Whoop. Do you still do that thing where you kick each other under the table?

[Cut to Joy and Jenny]

Joy Behar: No.

Jenny McCarthy: Ow. [Looks at Joy] [Cut to Megan]

Megan McCain: So, Jenny, you’ve been at the forefront of the anti-vaccination movement for years. But what was the tea on the mast singer? Did you know that the pineapple was Tommy Chong?

[Cut to Jenny]

Jenny McCarthy: No. I actually thought it was Barack Obama.

[Cut to Ana and Megan]

Ana Navarro: Okay. Back to the anti-vax thing.

Jenny McCarthy: Yes. [Cut to Jenny] I don’t believe in vaccinations. My doctor is Google. My science is twitter, and my religion is Donny Wahlberg.

[Cut to Ana and Megan]

Megan McCain: Amen, sister.

Jenny McCarthy: I mean [Cut to Jenny] these vaccinations are so unnecessary like the polio vaccine. How many people do you know with polio?

[Cut to Joy and Jenny]

Joy Behar: None, because we get vaccinated.

Jenny McCarthy: And that’s your opinion.

[Cut to Ana]

Ana Navarro: But what about the measles outbreak? I mean you have to vaccinate your kids.

[Cut to Jenny]

Jenny McCarthy: Well, I think reddit would disagree, and that’s why I’m organizing a rally against measles with all the people who aren’t vaccinated, hundreds of us in a big group, marching down the center of the city.

[Cut to Whoopi acting concerned]

Whoopi Goldberg: Okay. When exactly is that?

[Cut to Jenny]

Jenny McCarthy: That’s the weekend.

[Cut to Whoopi]

Whoopi Goldberg: I will be out of town.

[Cut to Megan]

Megan McCain: But what the left fails to understand is that vaccinations are a personal liberty issue.

[Cut to Joy]

Joy Behar: Okay. Great, let them go extinct.

[Cut to Megan]

Megan McCain: Can you let me finish?

[Cut to Joy]

Joy Behar: Can you let me talk?

[Cut to Megan]

Megan McCain: Well, can you let me finish?

[Cut to Joy]

Joy Behar: Can I punch you in the face?

[Cut to Whoopi water spraying them]

Whoopi Goldberg: No, no, no. We’ll be back. This is The View. No.

[Ends with an outro]

Dorm Room Posters – SNL | Season 44 Episode 8

Pete Davidson

Percocet… Mikey Day

Black Puma… Kenan Thompson

Jaguar… Ego Nwodim

Krissy Knox… Emma Stone

Mad Dog Dugan… Beck Bennett

Brandy Knox… Emma Stone

[Starts with Pete stressing over his essay in his room. He has few posters on his wall.]

Pete: This is impossible. I can’t write a six page essay about the revolutionary war. But if I don’t pass this class, I’m going to get kicked out of the school. Wish history weren’t so boring.

[Percocet from one of his posters calls Pete out]

Percocet: Yo, wake up, homey.

Pete: What the— Wow, Percocet? How are you talking? You’re a poster.

Percocet: Yah, coz you dreaming brah. [Cut to Percocet] But you also tripping saying no one cares about history. Yo, you know my song, atomic ass. The part that’s like, “Baby, put the ass on me, drop it like a Nagasaki“, that’s a historical reference, brah.

[Cut to Percocet and Pete]

Pete: Whoa, my favorite rapper, like, cares about history.

[Cut to Black Puma and Jaguar talking from the poster]

Black Puma: So do your favorite superheroes.

[Cut to Pete]

Pete: Black Puma and Jaguar. You care about history too?

[Cut to Black Puma and Jaguar]

Jaguar: Oh, yes. History is very important.

Black Puma: As I say in our blockbuster movie, to know the past is to see the future.

[Cut to Pete]

Pete: Are you guys saying that like history actually matters?

[Cut to Pete and Krissy Knox. Krissy Knox is talking from the poster]

Krissy Knox: Hell yeah.

Pete: Oh, Krissy Knox. You’re one of maxim magazines 50 hottest girls from rural areas. You like history as well?

[Cut to Krissy Knox]

Krissy Knox: Yeah.

[Cut to Mad Dog Dugan talking from the poster]

Mad Dog Dugan: And so does WME superstar Mad Dog Dugan. My whole story line for wrestle fest 17 came straight from the Iliad.

[Cut to Pete]

Pete: Wow, so history, like, influences wrestling.

[Cut to Percocet]

Percocet: Um-hmm. And music.

[Cut to Black Puma and Jaguar]

Black Puma: And movies.

[Cut to Krissy Knox]

Krissy Knox: And my long fat garden hose that I’m drinking from like a dumb, silly doggy.

[Cut to Black Puma and Jaguar]

Black Puma: Hey, Krissy, please. Less about your hose and more about history. This boy must pass his class.

[Cut to Pete]

Pete: Yeah, for real. When I read about the American Revolution, I get so bored. How am I supposed to write an essay I care nothing about?

[Cut to Mad Dog Dugan]

Mad Dog Dugan: It’s all in how you look at it, brother. For instance, when my former tag team partner, Peter Party Hardy, betrayed me at super slam nine. That’s exactly what Benedict Arnold did to George Washington.

[Cut to Krissy Knox]

Krissy Knox: Or when I bent down and picked up this wet, squeaky garden hose and drank from it with my dirty, thirsty mouth, that’s math.

[Cut to Percocet, Pete and Krissy Knox]

Percocet: Yo, it’s not math. It’s history.

Krissy Knox: Right. And history is just yesterday’s tomorrow.

Pete: Isn’t that just today?

Krissy Knox: Oh, hell yeah.

[Cut to Black Puma and Jaguar]

Black Puma: Krissy, no more of this.

Jaguar: Brother, let me go over there, slap this foolish girl.

Black Puma: No, no, sister. That is not the way of the Puma. Krissy, do not lead his mind down the porno path. Do you have anything in mind that can help this boy pass his class?

[Cut to Krissy Knox]

Krissy Knox: Look at my dumb old belly button.

[Cut to Percocet, Pete and Krissy Knox]

Pete: Yeah, I like it.

Percocet: Knock that noise off, yo.

[Cut to Black Puma and Jaguar]

Black Puma: Young man, just take that poster down. You will never learn with her around.

[Cut to Pete and Krissy Knox]

Pete: Yeah, you’re right. Sorry, Krissy, but I need to focus on this paper.

[Pete walks to Krissy Knox poster and tears it down. There’s another picture of a girl that looks just like her] [Cut to Mad Dog Dugan]

Mad Dog Dugan: What the hell? You have another poster of this Knox lady?

[Cut to Pete standing in front of that poster]

Pete: Oh no, that’s Brandy Knox. Krissy’s Twin sister. I don’t like her as much. [Pete takes his seat]  Anyway, we got to talk about this essay. Like what am I going to write about?

[Cut to Percocet]

Percocet: All right, so check it, yo. You got to find the reasons why American Revolution happened. You feel me? Yo, you heard my song, Bitch Na featuring Dj Fat Ass, right? It’s like the colonists with Britain. The war was them saying, “Bitch, nah, that ass ain’t worth it”.

[Cut to Pete]

Pete: Oh, I get it because Americans wanted to control their own destiny.

[Cut to Brandy and Pete. Brandy is dancing with a burger on one hand and beer on the other]

Brandy Knox: Hell yeah.

[Cut to Mad Dog Dugan]

Mad Dog Dugan: Perfect. Anyway, that’s your thesis broheim.

[Cut to Pete]

Pete: What’s a thesis?

[Cut to Brandy]

Brandy Knox: Thesis. This is my fat greasy burger. And this is my hugs, stupid beer. Thesis.

[Cut to Black Puma and Jaguar]

Jaguar: Shut up about your stupid burger and your beer. We are close.

Black Puma: Boy, listen to me. That thesis is your opening argument.

[Cut to Brandy and Pete]

Pete: Okay. That’s like one sentence. What’s the rest?

Brandy Knox: What’s more?

[Cut to Mad Dog Dugan]

Mad Dog Dugan: Oh, my god. The rest of the essay is proving your thesis. That’s the body.

[Cut to Brandy]

Brandy Knox: Yeah, my body is going to feel nasty after I scarf that fat, mushy, stinky burger and wash it down with this frosty dumb ass beer.

[Cut to Percocet and Pete]

Percocet: Stop, y’all. This kid’s going to fail.

Pete: Not a chance. My days are getting ’F’s are in the past.

[Cut to everybody]

Percocet: Oh, in the past. Yo, I think you mean those days are history.

[Cut to Pete]

Pete: Well, thanks everyone, now I’m going to wake up and write an A+ history paper.

[Cut to Brandy]

Brandy Knox: Oh yeah!

[Cut to an essay graded F with “See me” written on it]