Eric… Alex Moffat
Donald Trump Jr. … Mikey Day[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]
Colin Jost: This week, the senate released over 2,000 pages of testimony regarding a 2016 meeting at Trump Tower with a Russian lawyer, here to comment are first sons Eric and Donald Trump Jr.[Eric and Donald Trump Jr. slide in] [cheers and applause]
Donald Trump Jr.: Yes. Colin, thanks for having us. Eric, what do you say when you’re a guest at someone’s place?
Eric: I’m sorry. I missed the toilet.
Donald Trump Jr.: No. No, bud.
Colin Jost: That’s a great start. Now, Don Jr., many in the media are speculating their calls made to a blocked number before and after your Trump Tower meeting were actually calls you made to your father.
Donald Trump Jr.: You know, this may sound crazy, Colin, [Eric is copying every movement Donald Trump Jr. is doing] but the dishonest media is being dishonest.
Eric: Ha-ha-ha-ha.[Donald Trump Jr. turns to Eric and gives his hand for high-five. But Eric raises his hand and turns away trying to copy what Donald Trump Jr. is doing.]
Donald Trump Jr.: Eric, it’s a high-five, bud.[Eric kisses Donald Trump Jr.’s palm]
Alright, baby steps, buddy. Colin, as I’ve repeatedly said, I never spoke with my father about that harmless little meeting.
Colin Jost: Okay. So, you don’t remember whose blocked number that was?
Donald Trump Jr.: No.
Eric: I do. You said, “Siri, call dad.”
Donald Trump Jr.: No. I did not, Eric. How could you possibly even remember that?
Eric: Coz I have pornographic memory.
Donald Trump Jr.: Bud, it’s photographic memory. Okay?
Colin Jost: Let’s just get back to the meeting for a second. Now, some democrats are calling on the judiciary committee to subpoena your phone record.
Donald Trump Jr.: Yeah. And they need to give it up because there is no collusion here. You know, Colin, I’m reminded of some words of wisdom my father gave us as boys. He sat us down, he pointed to a framed picture of the designs for Trump Tower and said–
Eric: Look at all the hidden swastikas.
Donald Trump Jr.: No. Eric, you wanna play with your play dough, buddy?
Donald Trump Jr.: Play dough. there you go. He’s really into play dough lately. The bottomline– [Eric is just smiling and staring at the play dough] Bud, the whole thing. You don’t know how it works? [teaching Eric how to play with it] Look, you put some play dough in here, right? Now, push the lever down. Come on. Push it down. Look at that. It makes noodles. [Eric is amazed] Yeah. That’s what it does, buddy. Keep cooking. I’m hungry, chef Eric. [Eric acts like he’s playing with his mustache.] He did a chef. Proud of you. The bottom line Colin, is that this is just another desperate attempt by the liberals to undermine all the great work my father is doing in the white house. [Eric eats the dough] Eric! Did you just eat play dough, bud?
Eric: No. [There is play dough all over his mouth.]
Donald Trump Jr.: Do not eat play dough. it’s bad for you, buddy. [Donald Trump Jr. gives his hand to Eric’s mouth] Spit it out. Let’s go. Spit it out. There you go.
Colin Jost: Well, thanks for stopping by.
Donald Trump Jr.: Yeah. I feel like it was a success. Thank you.
Colin Jost: Yeah. This was great.
Donald Trump Jr.: We better get going. We have a big day tomorrow. I’m having lunch with some new clients from Indonesia.
Eric: I’m going to see “Paw Patrol” on ice.
Colin Jost: Eric and Donald Trump Jr., everyone.