Announcer: It’s Weekend Update with Colin Jost and Michael Che.
Colin Jost: Good evening everyone.
Michael Che: Welcome to Weekend Update. I’m Michael Che.
Colin Jost: I’m Colin Jost.
Well, it was shaping up to be a good week for Joe Biden. He got Brittney Griner back. He kept marriage gay. And he’s only got he’s only got 14 More sleeps until Santa. But then just when he thought he had it all under control, Kiersten Sinema said “Hold my wig.”
Arizona senator Kyrsten Sinema seen here realizing that someone is actually waving to the person behind her, announced that she’s leaving the Democratic Party and is registering as an independent. Explained Sinema, “Pay attention to me.”
WNBA star Brittney Griner was freed from prison in exchange for Russian arms dealer Victor Boot. It’s actually a great trade because Boot was only averaging five points and two rebounds a game.
Michael Che: Raphael Warnock defeated Herschel Walker in Georgia Senate run off race. But I don’t think this is the last you’ll hear from Herschel Walker. I mean, unless he’s your biological father. With Raphael Warnock’s win, Democrats in the Senate will no longer have to rely on vice president Harris for tie breaking votes. Harris can now focus on her main priority – [picture changes to Joe Biden falling from bicycle] waiting for a worst bike accident.
Colin Jost: Supreme Court heard a case this week over whether a conservative evangelical woman can refuse to design a website for a same sex marriage. But honey, I don’t know any gay couple who’s going to hire a designer with those highlights?
Michael Che: Honey?
Colin Jost: I’m sorry. I apologize. [picture changes to Samuel Alito] During oral arguments in the case Justice Samuel Alito raised the hypothetical. -Could a black department store Santa be forced to take a picture with a child dressed in a Klan robe? Alito added that he’d love an answer before he takes his grandkids to the mall next week.
Michael Che: Donald Trump said the results of the 2020 election should be overturned and called for the termination of the Constitution. Trump plans to terminate the Constitution by asking Herschel Walker to drive it to the clinic.
Colin Jost: I don’t think I saw it today, Morocco beat Portugal in the quarterfinals of the World Cup. Yeah, it’s the best World Cup performance by a team of Africans since the unpaid workers who built the stadiums. I didn’t do it.
Portugal’s Head Coach decided not to start soccer legend Cristiano Ronaldo in today’s loss. Even more insulting, at halftime he tried to trade Ronaldo for Brittney Griner. But the biggest upsets so far in the World Cup was their favorite Brazil was eliminated, except for a tiny strip down the middle.
Michael Che: Nike has officially cut ties with Brooklyn Nets star Kyrie Irving over his anti semitism scandal. Kyrie says he’s so depressed he might jump off the edge of the world.
Today, today was the Santacon bar crawl in New York City. Yeah, the annual reminder that while Santa may exist, God doesn’t.