How a Bill Does Not Become a Law

Kyle Mooney

Bill… Kenan Thompson

President Obama… Jay Pharoah

Executive Order… Bobby Moynihan

[Starts with School House Rock intro]

Male voice: We now return to a brand new episode of School House Rock.

[Cut to a cartoon picture of Capitol building] [Kyle walks in]

Kyle: Come on! You really have to climb a lot of steps to get to this capitol building in Washington DC. Say, what’s that piece of paper doing here?

[The bill walks in]

Bill: Oh, you mean me? I’ll tell you who I am.

[singing]

I’m just a bill
yes, I’m only a bill
and I’m singing here in Capitol hill
but I know I’ll be a law some day
at least I hope and pray that I will
but today I still just a bill

Kyle: Cool! What kind of bill are you?

Bill: Well, I’m an immigration bill. And one day, the republicans might create me. So, I could become a law.

Kyle: And how does a bill become a law?

Bill: Funny you should ask.

[singing]

Well, first I go to the house
and they vote on me
but then I need from the senate
of majority
and guess I pass the legislative test

[Bill walks to President Obama]

then I wind up on the President’s desk
and I–

[Barack Obama pushes Bill down the stairs] [Cut to Bill falling down the steps of the capitol building.]

Bill: Oh! Oh, my sweet!

[Cut to Kyle and Barack Obama watching Bill fall]

Oh! My legs! They were made of paper!

Kyle: President Obama, what’s the big idea? That bill was trying to become a law.

Barack Obama: I realize that. But you know son, there’s actually an even easier way to get things run around here. It’s called an executive order.

[Executive order walks in]

Executive order: [singing] I’m an executive order
and I just pretty much just happen

[Executive order is smoking]

And that’s it.

Kyle: Wait a second. Don’t you have to go through congress at some point?

Executive order: Oh! That’s adorable. You still think that’s how government works. [laughing] [Bill walks back]

Bill: Ah! Don’t listen to him son.

[singing] Look at the midterm election
people clearly don’t want

[Barack Obama pushes Bill down the stairs again] [Cut to Bill falling down the steps of the capitol building.]

Oh! Why did I come back?

[Cut to Kyle, Barack Obama and Executive order watching Bill fall]

Ah! I think I landed on my keys.

Kyle: Mr. President, is this constitutional?

Barack Obama: Of course. Presidents issue executive orders all the time.

Executive order: That’s right. I could do lots of things.

[singing] I’ll create a national park,
or a new holiday

Barack Obama: [singing] Or grant legal status to find
million undocument immigrants.

Executive order: Wait, what?

Barack Obama: Yes, that’s what you’re gonna do.

Executive order: Oh, my god! But I didn’t have time to read myself. [Executive order reads himself] Wow! Okay. Go big or go home, huh?

[Bill comes back again]

Bill: This isn’t over.

[singing] We’re gonna take you to court
we’re gonna shut down–

[Barack Obama pushes Bill down the stairs again] [Cut to Bill falling down the steps of the capitol building.]

So many steps! So many steps.

Barack Obama: Well son, what do you think about the government now?

Kyle: I think I wanna go into the private sector.

Barack Obama: Me too, son. Me too. Oh! One more thing…

Everybody: Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night.