FaceTime with Rudd

Paul Rudd

Mandy… Heidi Gardner

[Starts with Paul Rudd in his house Facetiming]

Paul Rudd: Hey, I’m just gonna Facetime with my cousin real quick. I haven’t seen her since we were kids and she’s just checking in with the family, wants to make sure everyone’s okay. [Facetime ringing] Oh, there she is. Hello?

Mandy: Hello? Little Pauley?

Paul Rudd: Mandy?

Mandy: Yeah, Mandy. Pretty Mandy.

Paul Rudd: It’s been a while.

Mandy: Yeah, it has. So, do you still go swimming?

Paul Rudd: Um, well, um, sometimes.

Mandy: I knew it. I knew you still swim. Yeah. Um, do you still do coloring?

Paul Rudd: Oh, not much coloring these days. No.

Mandy: That’s okay.

Paul Rudd: Are you okay? You seem a little– I don’t know. Forgive me for asking. Do you have coronavirus?

Mandy: No. Do you have coronavirus? Man, you different. You changed, little Pauley, you changed.

Paul Rudd: Well, I would imagine so. Yeah. I haven’t seen you since I was seven. I mean, I’m grown. I’ve got a wife. I’ve got a demanding job.

Mandy: That’s not what I heard. No. Because cousin David said all your jobs got shut down.

Paul Rudd: Oh, well, yeah. Everyone’s kind of did.

Mandy: No. No. I saw the movie Wonder Woman did with all the other celebrities where they sang the [singing ‘Imagine’] Imagine there’s some people

Paul Rudd: Oh, that wasn’t a movie. That was just a thing.

Mandy: So, you weren’t famous enough to be in there?

Paul Rudd: No. Apparently not. Hey, it’s not so bad, honestly. It’s kind of nice taking a bit of a break. Made some fun summer salads.

Mandy: Ooh, ratatouille.

Paul Rudd: Yeah. That’s–

Mandy: The movie sucks.

Paul Rudd: Ratatouille does? It’s a good movie.

Mandy: Speaking of movies, weren’t you nominated for Golden Globe award?

Paul Rudd: I was. Yeah. That was a real thrill.

Mandy: Yeah. But then whose name did they read? That’s the winner.

Paul Rudd: Ah! Not mine.

Mandy: No, they didn’t. They said, “The Golden Globes goes to Ramy Youssef.”

Paul Rudd: That kind of stuff doesn’t matter much to me.

Mandy: It will matter once Ramy Youssef is the new Ant-man. When he’s wearing your suit. Pretty soon, Ramy Youssef is gonna be the new You-ssef.

Paul Rudd: You don’t have to keep saying Ramy Youssef. I get it. What about you? You’ve won any awards lately?

Mandy: [showing a trophy] Last night, I won tic-tac-toe.

Paul Rudd: What’s ti-ta-to?

Mandy: A tic-tac-toe. Three x’s in a row.

Paul Rudd: Tic-tac=toe, got you.

Mandy: I played down at the bar and I got–

Paul Rudd: I don’t think you’re supposed to be going to bars.

Mandy: No one got corona at Jizzy’s. Plus I wore my gloves. [showing her biker gloves]

Paul Rudd: Those are fingerless gloves. I don’t know–

Mandy: Hey, you remember when we kissed?

Paul Rudd: You know what? I think I’m gonna jump off for a second.

Mandy: We kissed! And you started.

Paul Rudd: But it’s been so nice talking to you. Freezing up. Hold on.

[Paul Rudd hangs up]

Mandy: Where is he? I’ll call him back.