Celebrity Sighting

Heidi Gardner

Michael… Bowen Yang

Scarlett Johansson

Bartender… Beck Bennett

Fan… Kate McKinnon

Nick… Mikey Day

[Starts with a clip of a nice restaurant]

Hostess: Hi there, welcome to Le Gulle.

Michael: Yes, hi. Table for two, please.

Hostess: Unfortunately we’re all booked up, but you can wait at the bar. I can see if something opens up.

Scarlett: Are you sure, Michael? I mean, you know what happens when we eat at restaurants.

Michael: I’m sure nobody will notice. I will wait up at the bar. Thank you so much.

[Michael and Scarlett walk to the bar.]

Bartender: Hey, folks. Wait! Don’t I recognize you from somewhere?

Michael: I think you do. [Michael points at a poster showing what to do when choking]

Bartender: Yeah. Oh, that’s right. You’re the people from the choking poster.

Scarlett: The models, yes. Is there anywhere else that we can wait?

Michael: Baby, if we wait somewhere else, the fans are just going to ask us to come back to the poster for pictures.

Bartender: Uh… the fans?

[Cut to Michael and Scarlett]

Scarlett: Yes. Our poster is in every restaurant and kitchen in the city. We are the Jay-Z and Beyonce of the safety posters. We have fans.

Michael: Babe, he was joking.

[Cut to everybody]

Bartender: I wasn’t.

[Cut to Michael and Scarlett]

Scarlett: Our fans are going to find out that we’re here. We should be safe.

Michael: Okay, you’re right.

Scarlett: Miss!

Hostess: How can I help you?

[Hostess walks in]

Scarlett: We’re obviously a little on display here. So, can we just ask when our fans start coming over, we keep them in single file line.

Hostess: Um, okay.

Scarlett: There is a certain group of people who get very excited around us. I see one now.

[Cut to a fan who is Chef staring at them from the kitchen] [Cut to Michael, Scarlett and the hostess]

Michael: Alright, smile. This is special for her. Hi there. Hi.

[The Chef walks in]

Chef: Wow. I can’t believe you’re here. We have your poster back in the kitchen, too.

Scarlett: Very sweet. Thank you. Would you like a selfie?

Chef: Um, that would be– yes. Okay. Can we do the pose?

Scarlett: Normally we don’t like to bring our work home but we’ll make an exception for you.

[Michael and Scarlett pose like they’re choking] [Chef takes a selfie]

Chef: Well, listen. [Cut to the Chef] Sorry. There was this one time, I was tasting something in the kitchen. I start choking. [Cut to everybody] But my sous came and did what was on the poster and I’m still here today. So, thank you.

Scarlett: It’s amazing.

Michael: That’s so sweet.

[Another fan walks in]

Nick : Oh, my god! I’m sorry. I look at you all day. Can you guys record my voicemail greeting?

Michael: Yeah. No problem.

Nick: I’m Nick by the way.

Michael: Okay. [makes choking sound] Leave a message for Nick.

Nick: Thank you. So awesome.

Scarlett: Where’s the girl who said she could control the situation?

Michael: I don’t know.

[Another fan walks in]

Kyle: Hey, I’m from Donahue’s down the block. I got a text you guys were here.

Scarlett: Oh, they’re texting each other.

Michael: If one kitchen knows we’re here, they all know.

[A lot of people come at Michael and Scarlett as their fans]

Kyle: So, were you really choking in the poster?

Alex: Have you ever choked in real life?

Chris: Would you do the pose?

Scarlett: Michael, I’m starting to get worried. Where’s the girl?

Michael: I don’t know. Oh, my god. There’s more of them.

Everybody: Do the pose! Do the pose!

Scarlett: Oh, my god! Baby, I’m scared. Where’s the girl?

Michael: Okay. Get behind me. I’ll protect you. Everyone, take a step.

[Michael starts choking]

Scarlett: Baby! Oh, my god. He’s choking. He’s choking on his gum.

Fan: Do something.

Scarlett: I don’t know how. I’m just a model.

[The Chef runs in]

Chef: I’ve got this. Come on! Don’t go to sleep.

[Michael spits out the gum]

Scarlett: Oh, my god! You saved him.

Michael: Oh, my god! How can we ever repay you?

Chef: I would like another selfie.

Michael: Oh, you could have already got one.

Scarlett: And we have a lot of fans to meet. Let’s get in a single file line now.

Scarlett: Everyone will get a selfie. Everyone’s gonna get a selfie.

E-Sports Reporter

Doug Miller… Mikey day

Mark Laramie… Kyle Mooney

Laszlo Holmes… Chance the Rapper

The Captain… Bowen Yang

Fan… Chloe Fineman

[Starts with League of Legends World Champions intro]

Announcer: League of Legends World Champions only on MSG.

[Cut to the reporter’s set]

Doug Miller: Welcome back to MSG’s e-sports coverage of the League of Legends World Championship. Doug Miller alongside Mark Laramie. And what a tournament it has been.

Mark Laramie: Incredible. Take a look at this.

[Cut to a video clip of League of Legends game]

Moments ago, Shadow Gaming eliminated top-ranked team Echo claiming their Nexus in only 32 minutes.

[Cut to the reporter’s set]

Doug Miller: Whoo! Did not see that coming. Wow! Our Regular e-sports reporter Jake Sussman is out today, taking the PSATs. Good luck, Jake. Yeah. Filling in for him is Laszlo Holmes, [Cut to split screen. Laszlo Holmes at left and the news set at the right] who usually covers the Knicks for us here at MSG. How you feeling down there, Laz?

Laszlo Holmes: Confused. To be honest, when they asked me to cover a League of Legends tournament, I assumed it was a basketball game with NBA legends. This is not that. It is a computer game contest.

Mark Laramie: Yeah, a little different.

[Cut to Laszlo Holmes]

Laszlo Holmes: Yes. I brought a basketball to get signed and someone in the crowd asked me what this was. So, very different that the Knick’s games, but we’re having fun down here. I’m not. But the crowd is. Laszlo Holmes, live at the League of Legos.

[Cut to split screen. Laszlo Holmes at left and Mark Laramie at the right]

Mark Laramie: Laz, walk us through the last match.

Laszlo Holmes: No thanks. I’m just playing. In a nutshell, [Cut to Laszlo Holmes] there were ten nerdy dudes sitting at computers with headsets on while 20,000 people screamed like they were watching The Beatles. I did not know this was a thing. I guess e-sports is what white and Asian kids were doing while black kids were inventing hip-hop. Nah, I’m just kidding, though. But you know how they do in e-sports. Ready, set, sit down!

[Cut to split screen. Laszlo Holmes at left and the news set at the right]

Doug Miller: Now, we’ve got lots to unpack here.

Laszlo Holmes: Well, don’t let me stop you. This is Laszlo Holmes, signing off.

Laszlo Holmes: Now, hold on, Laz. I’m sure you have thoughts on team Echo’s attack strategy.

Laszlo Holmes: I do not.

[Cut to the reporter’s set]

Doug Miller: Well, here’s the moment everyone is talking about. Laz, what do you make of this?

[Cut to split screen. Laszlo Holmes at left and video clip of League of Legends game at the right]

Laszlo Holmes: Well, to me, this game looks like how a seizure feels. But I think if you know what’s happening in this clip, you need to get out of the house more. No, I’m just kidding. That’s me keeping it light. But in terms of what’s happening in this clip, I don’t know.

[Cut to split screen. Laszlo Holmes at left and Mark Laramie at the right]

Mark Laramie: You can say that again! Echo trying to defend their Nexus with two heros on respawn! And all their CC on cooldown.

Laszlo Holmes: That’s what’s up.

[Cut to the reporter’s set]

Doug Miller: Well, they’re taking the loss in stride. Laz, you’re going to like this. Echo’s captain Doublepump just tweeted, “Congrats Shadow Gaming. Can I borrow some XP.”

[Cut to split screen. Laszlo Holmes at left and the news set at the right]

Laszlo Holmes: Ha-ha! That means nothing to me.

[Cut to the reporter’s set]

Mark Laramie: Laz, we’re hearing that the captain of Shadow gaming is on the floor. Maybe you can get a question in.

[Cut to Laszlo Holmes and the captain]

Laszlo Holmes: Uh, let’s do that. I’m here with – turn around for me. [The jersey says “S3X PANDA99”] Yeah, I’m not going to say that. So, homey, everybody wants to know, how you going to win that League of Legos today?

The Captain: We got some early kills, top lane evolving and the back lane. We got lucky on turrets in 5V5 seize for the beacon.

Laszlo Holmes: That’s what’s up.

[A girl comes in and hugs the captain]

Fan: Oh, I am sorry to bother you, but I love you so much! Like, you don’t understand, I’m like shaking right now!

Laszlo Holmes: From meeting him?

The Captain: Do you want to go backstage?

Fan: Oh, my god, yes! Can my friends come? They love you too!

Laszlo Holmes: What?

The Captain: Okay. Thank you.

[The Captain leaves and a group of females followed him back stage] [Cut to split screen. Laszlo Holmes at left and the news set at the right]

Doug Miller: Laz? Did we lose you?

Laszlo Holmes: No! Sorry, what I just saw was so unexpected that my brain went into a Tom Hanks in “Saving Private Ryan” mode. Laszlo Holmes coming at you live from the upside down.

Mark Laramie: Thank you, Laz! When we return, the quarter finals begin.

Doug Miller: And we’ll be one step closer to seeing which team will take home the $7 million grand prize.

Laszlo Holmes: $7 million?

Doug Miller: Stay with us.

[Ends with League of Legends World Champions outro]