Fancam Assembly

Mr. Ben … Pedro Pascal

James: Okay students is St. Lawrence High School, welcome to your assembly about student technology use. [students booing] Settled down, all right? Here to give the presentation, please welcome your favorite teacher Mr. Ben. [students cheering]

Bowen: Mr. Ben, he has rizz.

Mr. Ben: Thank you, I think. Okay, let’s start. First rule do not access inappropriate content online. And do not bully on social media.

Ego: Come on, girl, eat it up.

Mr. Ben: Thank you. I think. And here’s a new rule. As of today, do not make fancams of school staff such as this.

[TikTok video of Mr. Ben playing on screen]

Bowen: No, skinny legend, why are you doing this?

Mr. Ben: Because you have made thousands of fancams of me and I’m not sure what they mean, but I know it has to stop.

Sarah: But we make them because you’re our beloved and you have us in a chokehold.

Mr. Ben: Okay, don’t say that. I just don’t understand why do you make sparkly fast romantic montages of me every single day? Like this?

[TikTok video of Mr. Ben playing on screen]

Devon: I mean, we don’t make them every day.

Bowen: Yeah, just on the days you send us or give us life.

Mr. Ben: What does that mean?

Ego: Don’t worry. It just means your foot is always on our necks. See?

[TikTok video of Mr. Ben playing on screen]

Mr. Ben: Is that is that me right now? How did you make that so fast? And how did you take over access to the monitor?

Devon: Mr. Ben, why are you so mad? You’re in your assembly era?

Mr. Ben: I’m not mad. I’m confused. Is “the way I ate this up” a compliment because it was nom nom delish and had you gagged?

Ego: Exactly, we love you down, Mr. Ben?

Sarah: You’re so father, period.

Mr. Ben: Okay, see but if fancams are- If fan- If okay. If fan cams are because I’m father then why did you make thin cams of Lady lunch Polina?

Bowen: Because Paulina is mother.

[TikTok video of Polina playing on screen]

Polina: Kids on phone, too much grow up wrong.

Mr. Ben: Guys, I’m trying to understand the fan cams for good or bad. Did you make a Fan Cam of lunch lady Polina to make fun of her?

Bowen: No, we made it because she ate us up and left no crumbs.

Mr. Ben: Left no crumbs? Okay, that’s it. Fancams are officially banned from school.

Students: No.

Devon: Well, Mr. Ben, we thought you were different, but you’re just like everyone else. Mid.

Mr. Ben: I’m sorry. I want to be a cool teacher. I know I’m your bias and then I always munch on it. But I just don’t get it. Why does your generation have to make everyone a celebrity? Why do you film everything? Why?

Bowen: Fine? You really want to know? It’s because COVID.

Mr. Ben: What? What do you mean?

Sarah: Because three years, COVID made us online forever.

Ego: Because COVID locked us down when we were 11, and now we’re 14, so now we have to make you daddy.

Bowen: Because mommy works remotely all day and doesn’t have time to eat it up no crumbs left. So we made you daddy and Ms. Jenny mommy.

Mr. Ben: What? Why is Ms. Jenny mommy?

Ms. Jenny: Guys. We told you, there is nothing going on between me and Mr. Ben.

Devon: Oh really? That explain this.

[TikTok video of Mr. Ben and Ms. Jenny playing on screen]

Mr. Ben: Honey, they’d been through so much. Let’s just tell them the truth. Ms. Jenny and I were in love.

[students teasing them]

Ms. Jenny: Fine, it’s true. He’s Daddy. I’m Mommy. And we’re all a happy family. No crumbs left.

Students: Yayy!