Keith… John Krasinski
Goldie… Cecily Strong
Angela… Aidy Bryant
Kyle Mooney
Heidi Gardner
Brad… Beck Bennett
FBI agents… Mikey Day, Punkie Johnson
[Starts with six adults in a house having a fun night.]Keith: Alright. This meeting of the Warren Street covid bubble is now on session.
Goldie: Ah! I am so grateful we get to to this once a week. If I didn’t have this bubble, I would go insane.
Angela: Oh, yes. You have to have a pod that you can trust.
Kyle: Amen!
Keith: Alright. Who’s ready to play pioneer’s, a mountain pass?
Heidi: You know I am. I’ll be shopkeep.
Keith: Alright. Well, I guess I’ll be mayor’s daughter again.
Brad: [standing] Uh… I think I hear a pizza man at the door. Excuse me, uh… that will be… uh… I’ll be going to get the pizza, fellow forgers. I don’t know.
Keith: You know we’ll save you for the game, Brad.
[Brad opens the door. There’s an FBI agent.]7: Brad Dobbit, you’re under arrest for storming the Capitol.
Brad: Yes, I am. You got me.
Heidi: What? Brad? You stormed the Capitol?
Brad: I’m sorry, everyone. I wasn’t in the bathroom that day. I was out at DC stopping the steal with my boys.
Goldie: Oh my god, Brad! Why on earth would you do that?
Brad: Because I care about our nation and its constitution. So, I wet jelly on a statue and put Pelosi’s phone on my pants.
Kyle: So, that’s what you did?
Brad: What else was I supposed to do? The guy I wanted to win didn’t win.
7: Alright. Let’s go.
Brad: Well, let me grab my coat first.
Angela: My god. I can’t believe this. I mean, is this really happening?
[Brad wears his fur coat and horns cap]Brad: Tell my story.
7: Alright.
[7 grabs Brad by his hand]Brad: Ouch! My hand!
Kyle: Oh my god! Did any of you know about this?
Heidi: No. I mean it’s Brad. Sweet, angry Brad.
Angela: Wow, I am floored. You think you know someone and then this happens.
Keith: I know. Well, let’s start the game. Shall we?
[door bell ringing]Angela: Yes. Oh, well. I bet that’s the pizza.
Keith: Alright, but hop to it Angela because we got a lot of pioneering to get through.
Angela: Okay. Quit reminding us.
[Angela opens the door. There’s a female FBI agent.]8: Angela Barnes, you’re under arrest.
Angela: Okay, I know that.
Kyle: Angela?
Goldie: Not sweet, racist Angela?
Angela: It’s true. I’m a patriot unlike this bubble of cucks.
Kyle: You’re gonna go to jail!
Angela: Ah! It was worth it. I had sex with Chuck Norris. At least he told me he was Chuck Norris. He kept saying, “You still think I’m Chuck Norris, right?”
8: Okay. We’re taking you in.
Angela: Well, let me just get my stuff, please. Okay. [Angela wears her Uncle Jam American flag hat with white beard] Now, Uncle Jam says don’t trade on this.
[7 pulls Angela out of the door]Kyle: Is anybody else freaked out that two of our friends just got arrested?
[door bell ringing. Keith stands to answer the door.]Oh no. Not you too!
Keith: Dude, you know me better than that. Okay?
[Keith opens the door. A guy wearing pizza delivery outfit is there.]It’s just a pizza guy.
9: Or is it? [he opens his fake outfit. He is also an FBI.]
Keith: Dammit!
7: Are you Keith Renault?
Keith: Yes. Or Q-daddy on Facebook, marketl.
7: [looking at Goldie] Are you Goldie Flemming?
Goldie: I am. And I want my phone call.
7: That happens later, ma’am.
Heidi: Oh my god! Not crazy Goldie and dishonorably discharged Keith!
Keith: Alright. How did you find us?
Goldie: Was it our post on Instagram?
Keith: Or was it out check-in on Facebook?
Goldie: Or when I Venmoed him $10 to kick Pence’s ass?
Keith: Wait, did the hardware store tell you what I bougth?
7: We found this.
[7 pulls out a photo of them when they were there]Goldie: Oh, yes. Then yes, guilty as charged. May I grab my cape that celebrates my southern heritage?
7: No.
Keith: May I quickly put on some face paint?
7: No!
Goldie: Oh! And this is the America you want to live in? I ask you
[Keith pulls out a podium and carried it with him]Keith: Good day, all!
[7 takes them with him]Kyle: I don’t get it. I mean one of them was my wife.
Heidi: I know.
Kyle: You just don’t know anyone anymore. Do I even know you?
Heidi: No. You are under arrest. [Heidi shows Kyle her FBI card.]
Kyle: Okay. Can I grab my crossbow please?
Heidi: No.
[Heidi starts pushing Kyle to the door]Kyle: [screaming] But I’m a state senator!