Will Ferrell First Time Monologue

Will Farrell

Kenan Thompson

Cecily Strong

[Starts with SNL monologue intro] [Cut to SNL stage] [Band is playing music]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Will Farrell.

[Will Farrell walks in and to the stage. His forehead is bleeding.] [cheers and applause]

Will Farrell: Thank you. Thank you. Oh, my god. Hello. Oh, wow! Look at this. My name is Will Farrell. Yes, I can’t believe this is happening. I have dreamt of standing on this stage my whole life. I’m sorry, I’m getting emotional. I mean, me, Will Farrell? On Saturday Night Live? What? Wow! It’s been a wile week. Monday, I met with the writers. Wednesday was the table read. And just now, I while I was doing my quick change back there, I hit my head on a steel beam so hard, I heard a crack. And then a whoosh of wind. And after that, I can’t remember a thing. Except that I was going to sing.

[music playing] [singing] I think I’m gonna like it here
used two room, and a tomb
where I’d sit and freeze
get me now, holy cow
won’t someone pinch me please?

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha

I wanna see everything. What do you say we go on a tour around the studio? Do you want to? Do you want to ? [cheers]  Come on! Let’s go. [Will Farrell jumps off the stage] I’m tired. I’m tired. I’m suddenly very tired. I can’t walk. I can’t see either. Why is my head wet?

[Will Farrell walks to the audience.]

Sir, how are you? [while Will Farrell touches the audience, he rubs all his head’s blood on him.] That’s great. I need to sit.

[Will Farrell pushes the audience away and takes his seat] [singing] Used two room, in a room

where I room the room
do you know, party dough,
hiddy ho, where you are?

[Will Farrell sleeps for a second and wakes up]

Is the show over? How were the reviews? What did vulture.com say? Huh? Tell me. Someone tell me.

[singing] You’re gonna like the way you look
I guarantee it.

Female Audience: Dude, you need to go to the hospital.

Will Farrell: [pointing at her] Lorne Michaels, everyone. The rudest man in show business. You know you are. Now, someone wrestle me.

[Kenan Thompson and Cecily Strong walk in to take him to the stage]

The two of you?

Kenan: Okay. Okay. No, no, no.

Cecily: It’s alright.

Kenan: Let’s just go up there.

[They reach the stage]

Will Farrell: Oh, oh. Is it time to introduce the musical guest? Right. Ladies and gentlemen, Match Box 20.

Cecily: No, no, no, no.

Kenan: No.

Cecily: Finish the monologue

Will Farrell: You guys do too many song monologues, you know what?

Cecily: We know.

Kenan: That we know. Okay. Come on.

[they receive a hospital bed]

Kenan and Cecily: [singing] We have but one request

[Will Farrell lays on the bed]

Please put us to the rest

we think you’re gonna like it here.

Will Farrell: [laying on the bed] We’ve got a great show. Chris Stapleton is here.

Kenan: Yeah.

Will Farrell: And Nelly Furtado.

Kenan: No.

Will Farrell: So stick around. We’ll be right back.