First Date

Amelia… Gal Gadot

OJ Simpson… Kenan Thompson

Waiter… Chris Redd

Waitress… Heidi Gardner

[Starts with OJ and Amelia in a restaurant on a date]

OJ: This place is really nice.

Amelia: Oh, you like it? I haven’t been here in years. I was worried it might have changed.

[A waitress walks in and rudely picks up their plates and walks away]

OJ: Well, service might have gone downhill.

Amelia: Uh, you think? Ha-ha.[Cut to Amelia] Listen, Amelia, I have got to be honest with you. I am a little nervous. This is my first Bumble date.

[Cut to OJ]

OJ: Oh, yeah, right. That’s what everyone says.

[Cut to Amelia]

Amelia: No, no, no. I swear. I never used dating apps before. But hey, [raises his glass of wine] to trying new things.

[Cut to OJ and Amelia]

OJ: To trying new things. [Hitting Amelia’s glass with her’s]

Amelia: Alright. So, um, Amelia, what kind of name is that?

[Cut to OJ]

OJ: Well, I’m originally from Bosnia-Herzegovina. Do you know of it?

[Cut to Amelia]

Amelia: I think so. You guys had a big war there in the 90s, right?

OJ: Yeah. [Cut to OJ] Yes. It was the war for independence.

[Cut to Amelia]

Amelia: That probably dominated all the news around there, huh?

[Cut to OJ]

OJ: Oh, big time. Yea, of course. We were very, very isolated from the outside world. It was horrible.

[Cut to Amelia]

Amelia: Well, I’m glad you survived, so I could meet you.

[Cut to OJ and Amelia]

OJ: Aw, me too. So, um, OJ, is that a nickname?

[Cut to Amelia]

Amelia: Um, no. Actually, it’s my first and middle name. Orenthal James. I did have a nickname for a little while. “Juice”, as in juice is loose?

[Cut to OJ]

OJ: Loose from what?

[Cut to Amelia]

Amelia: [shaking his head] Just a juice container. I guess. You know, it’s silly.

[A waiter walks in with their food]

Waiter: Okay. For the lady we have the halibut and for the gentleman we have the steak, the lamb chops and the burger and fries.

OJ: I can’t believe you ordered all that.

Amelia: Oh, I’m sorry. I’m starving. I feel like I haven’t eaten a decent meal in years.

Waiter: [giving his fist to Amelia] My man.

Amelia: Oh, you know what it is.

[Waiter walks away]

OJ: Wait a second. [Cut to OJ] Are you famous or something?

[Cut to Amelia]

Amelia: Who? Me? No. I’m mean not really famous. So, when you are dating somebody, you like, ever Google them?

[Cut to OJ]

OJ: Oh. No. I really prefer the mystery of it. You know, to sit together, talk to you face to face.

[Cut to Amelia]

Amelia: Fantastic. Fantastic. I feel the same way. Plus, you know, there is a lot of fake news out there.

[A woman walks in]

Woman: [to OJ] I’m sorry. I just wanna say I can’t believe you’re sitting here having dinner with this man. [to Amelia] You are disgusting.

[The woman walks away]

OJ: What was that all about?

Amelia: Well, I’m sad to admit this. But when you look like I do in this country, people treat you differently.

[Cut to OJ]

OJ: You mean because of racism?

[Cut to Amelia]

Amelia: Yes. [Cut to OJ and Amelia] Um, OJ, I gotta confess something. This steak is incredible. You want some?

OJ: Sure. Why not?

[Cut to Amelia]

Amelia: Alright, cool. Give me a second. [Amelia is trying to cut the steak] For some reason they gave me a plastic knife. [He can’t cut the steak] Meanwhile, why do’t you tell me a little bit about yourself.

[Cut to OJ]

OJ: Uh-uh, mister, I’m not done with you yet.

[Cut to Amelia]

Amelia: Oh, your witness, counselor.

[Cut to OJ and Amelia]

OJ: So, what exactly is it that you do? [Cut to OJ] In your profile you just wrote this and that.

[Cut to Amelia]

Amelia: I mean, you could say I’m semi-retired but I was actually a pretty good athlete back in the day.

[Cut to OJ]

OJ: Oh, so that’s why people recognize you?

[Cut to Amelia]

Amelia: It could be from that. Yes. Sure.

[Cut to OJ]

OJ: So, do you still have any of your trophies or awards?

[Cut to Amelia]

Amelia: You know, it’s funny that you bring that up. I mean, coz I tried getting some of those back a few years ago. I mean, you know, [yelling] since they were mine to begin with! But it was a little harder than I thought.

[Cut to OJ]

OJ: Wow. So you’re an athlete too. Pfft. I have to ask, how is it that you are still single?

[Cut to Amelia]

Amelia: It’s a mystery.

[Cut to OJ and Amelia]

[phone ringing]

OJ: Oh, excuse me. It’s my friend. I told her to call me in case you were a psycho.

Amelia: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

[Cut to OJ]

OJ: Hey, Rachel. No, no, no. Everything is okay. Don’t worry. I’m having a really good time with OJ. Muah!

[as soon as OJ hangs up the phone, it starts ringing and receiving messages]

Oh, I’ll just turn this off.

Amelia: Yeah. That’s probably a great idea. Maybe some others here could take a cue from that and turn their phones off too!

[Cut to a group of people taking pictures of OJ and Amelia with their mobile phones]

You know, hey, let’s get out of here, OJ. Some people have no shame. [OJ and Amelia stand] I tell my friend AC to pull the car around. You know, I almost forgot. I wanted to show you the license plate. I made it myself.

[looking at the camera] Still got it! [winking]