Fresh Prince

Will Smith… Chris Redd

[Starts with Will Smith rotating on a chair. Music video starting.] [music playing]

Will Smith: [rapping] In West Philadelphia born and raised
on the playground is where I spent most of my days
when a couple of guys, they were up to no good
started making trouble in my neighborhood

I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
she said…

Mom: You’re moving with your aunty and uncle in Bel-Air.”

Will Smith: I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there
the seat of my throne as the prince of Bel-Air

Turns out, the guys I fought weren’t regular thugs
they were a powerful gang running guns and drugs
and because of our fight one went to jail
so they followed me all the way out to Bel-Air

Thug: Let’s go to Bel-Air and kill that nerd!

Will Smith: They barged right through the door, started trashing the place
my uncle Phil got all up in the leader space
He said…

Uncle: Son, I’m a judge, so you better think twice.

Will Smith: Then they beat my uncle Phil with an inch of his life

Uncle: Call somebody. Call the cops.

Will Smith: Car roll, Tim pissed his caceis and snitched me out.

Tim: He’s hiding outside in the poolhouse

Will Smith: So, I got out of there as quick as I can,
laid low in a motel hiding from that gang

Then this lady showed up and here’s what she said

Lady: I’m FBI, you stay here, you’re dead

Will Smith: At that very moment, I was frozen with fear,
she said…

Lady: You wanna stay alive, you got to disappear

Will Smith: Cut to the city morgue where I’m scared and confused
she’s dressing a dead body in my clothes and my shoes
she said she needs my teeth and couple of hair
to make the thugs think the body’s of fresh Prince of Bel-Air

News: The body in the car has been identified as a Philadelphia man who according to friends, enjoyed Chillin’ out maxin’ relaxin’ all cool.

Will Smith: I watched my own funeral from behind the tree
I saw my mama cry as they buried me
I said, “Can I just let them know I’m alright?”
She said…

Lady: Now you’re a ghost, say goodnight.

Will Smith: I woke up in the warehouse on a maddow seat
where this scary Japanese male looking at me

Lady: The debt is repaid

Will Smith: The lady said to the man
I asked her, “Yo, what the fuck is happening?”
She said…

Lady: I’m not FBI, but I’m sorry I used you
but my father owes a lot of money to the Yakuza

Will Smith: So all of this was just a crazy ploy?

Man: Silence, worm, now you’re a nobody boy

Will Smith: Didn’t know what that was, didn’t wanna find out
butt they burned off my fingerprints and duck-taped my mouth
then, gunshots and the hits been dropped

the Philly thugs enter holding nines and glocks

Thug: Ay, yo, Philly’s my town..

Will Smith: Said the thug to the man

Thug: Gather up your crew and go back to Japan

Will Smith: The man just smiled and quietly answered

Man: Gentlemen, please teach our guests some manners

Will Smith: Both crews opened up, bullets firing pass through
red head got hit with a shotgun blast
in a shadow stood a man who nobody knew who he was

Thug: Who the hell are you?

Uncle: You can call me the judge

[everybody start shooting at each other.]

Will Smith: Uncle Phil said…

Uncle: You need to get off the grid
you can never go back to the life that you lived

Will Smith: So I crawl on the floor pass the red headed traitor
and her las words were….

Lady: Yo, see you later.

[Uncle Phill gets shot several times]

Will Smith: That’s my story, y’all about how
my life got flipped turned upside down
and if anybody asks, just stay right there
and tell them how I became
[Cut to a homeless man] Jasper Mitchell of White Ridge, NH

Nicki Minaj’s Booty

Jeremy… Pete Davidson

Brain… James Franco

Mrs. Menzeneli… Cecily Strong

Song, Billy Zane… Taran Killam

Rhombus… Aidy Bryant

Dance… Kyle Mooney

Fresh Prince… Jay Pharoah

Nicki Minaj

Judge Lance Ito… Bobby Moynihan

Ashley Parker Angel… Beck Bennett

Home Alone… Kate McKinnon

Jurassic Park… Venessa Bayer

[Starts with Jeremy on laptop]

Jeremy: Ah! What? I have to create a new password? I don’t want to do that. There’s no way I’m gonna be able to remember another new password! My brain is too full. My brain is too full. My brain is too full.

[Cut to Brain’s brain]

Brain: Alright. Alright, alright! All the information and memories in Jeremy’s brain, gather around. We need to make more room in here for some new stuff which means it time for a lot of you non-essentials to go. First up is, Jeremy second grade teacher Mrs. Menzeneli here.

[Mrs. Menzeneli walks in]

Mrs. Menzeneli: Yes, can I help you young man?

Brain: Ah! Yeah, I’m sorry Mrs. Menzeneli, but Jeremy does not need to remember your name anymore.

Mrs. Menzeneli: What? But I’ve been here for 20 years.

Brain: Only because one time you fell down hard in class that really affected him. But now it’s time to move on out. Okay? Bye-bye, Mrs. Menzeneli. Thanks.

[Mrs. Menzeneli walks away and falls down]

Brain: Okay. Next up, are all the words to Savage garden’s I want you still in here?

[Song slides in]

Song: You tell me. [starts singing the song ‘I want you’.]

Brain: Alright, a simple yes would have suffice. Time for you to go.

Song: But, [Song starts singing again]

Brain: Wrong! Wrong! You need to chicken cherry check yourself out of this brain.

Song: Huh! He used my lyrics against me!

[Song leaves] [Rhombus walks in]

Rhombus: Um, excuse me brain dude. I would like to volunteer to leave.

Brain: And who are you?

Rhombus: Oh, I’m the word ‘Rhombus’. I have been here since 99, okay? Jeremy doesn’t know what I am or what I look like. He just knows the word. So, I’m gonna get the hell out of here and I’m gonna take the ‘Bye, bye, bye’ dance with me.

[Dance walks in and starts dancing] [‘Bye, bye, bye’ by Nsync is playing]

Brain: Okay, bye, bye, bye. Okay.

[Rhombus and Dance are leaving]

What else can we lose?

[Fresh Prince walks in]

Fresh Prince: [rapping and dancing] What’s Philadelphia born and raised 

On a playground where I spent most of my days

Brain: Oh, yeah! Gotta leave! Go!

Fresh Prince: Oh, man! Come one! Jeremy uses me all the time. I kill the Karaoke. Yeah! Anyway, whatever host, smell you later.

[Fresh Prince leaves]

Brain: Okay, next up we have–

[Nicki Minaj walks in and starts rapping]

Nicki Minaj: Boy toy named Troy used to live in Detroit
Big dope dealer money, he was gettin’ some coins

Brain: You’re only gonna sing the first two lines?

Nicki Minaj: That’s all Jeremy knows.

Brain: Well, Nicki, I know you’re new here, but you gotta go.

Nicki Minaj: Hey, I mean, I don’t– don’t get mad at me. I don’t know why our boy watched the music video so many times.

[Nicki Minaj turns around and walks away]

Brain: Okay, out in the way back?

[Judge Lance Ito walks in]

Judge Lance Ito: Okay, it’s me, Judge Lance Ito.

Brain: From the OJ Simpson trial?

Judge Lance Ito: Yes, yes.

Brain: Okay, Judge Ito, you gotta pack it up and take that dog from that 90s production company with you.

[Cut to a black dog with a frisbee]

Voice: Sit, booboo, sit. Good dog.

[Cut to Brain. Ashley Parker Angel walks in.]

Brain: Okay.

Ashley Parker Angel: What about me? Should I go too?

Brain: Ashley Parker Angel from O-Town? God, this kid remembers the weirdest things. Yes, Ashley Parker Angel from O-Town, you gotta go too.

Ashley Parker Angel: That seems fair.

[singing] Coz all I want is you or nothing at all

Brain: Alright, alright, alright.

[Ashley Parker Angel leaves]

Let’s clear out some old movie quotes. That should open up a ton of space. Home Alone, you first. Out.

[Home Alone walks in]

Home Alone: I brought you girlfriend, wow!

[Home Alone walks out]

Brain: Jurassic Park, you too.

[Jurassic Park walks in]

Jurassic Park: He left us! He left us!

[Jurassic Park leaves]

Brain: Finally, Titanic. Hit the road.

[Billy Zane walks in]

Billy Zane: I always win Jack, one way or another.

Brain: Who remembers a Billy Zane line from Titanic? What a freak!

[Billy Zane leaves]

Alright, I think that’s everything. Jeremy should finally have room in here for that new password.

[Nicki Minaj walks in and starts rapping]

Nicki Minaj: [rapping] Boy toy named Troy used to live in Detroit
Brain: I thought I told you to leave, Nicki.

Nicki Minaj: I’m really stuck in here.

[Brain and Nicki Minaj start dancing to the song] [rapping] Boy toy named Troy used to live in Detroit
Big dope dealer money, he was gettin’ some coins

[Cut to Jeremy dancing while watching Nicki Minaj on his laptop.]