Forgot About Lorne ft Eminem

[Starts with Pete Davison just standing on SNL studio. Natasha Lyonne walks to him.]

Natasha Lyonne: Hey Pete, what’s up?

Pete Davison: Nothing. I’m just watching Lorne. He looks little sad, right?

Natasha Lyonne: Yeah, definitely.

Pete Davison: Right? I wonder what’s wrong.

Natasha Lyonne: Look, I wasn’t going to say anything, but I think he’s been pretty depressed because he secretly always wanted to do a music video with you.

Pete Davidson: Really?

Natasha Lyonne: Yeah.

Pete Davison: What makes you say that?

Natasha Lyonne: I found the script in the garbage.

Speaker 1: Pete and Lorne rap video. Written by Lorne. Weird. [Lorne is sobbing alone] You know what? That guy has literally done everything for me. So I’m gonna pay him back by doing this rap video exactly the way he wrote it.

Pete Davison: Honestly, that’s your business, man.

[Dr. Dre  – Forget About Dre ft. Eminem instrumental playing]

Pete Davison: [dressed as Lorne] [rapping] Y’all know me, still the same Big L, O-R-N-E
Got a mind as sharp as a razor, quick as a laser
First man to wear jeans and a blazer
In 30 Rock, behind my desk
Eating popcorn, flippin’ through my Rolodex
Could probably call Joe Biden and when I talk about Paul
Don’t know if it’s McCartney or Simon
Every Broadway play, I seen ’em
Got the Presidential medal of Freedom
Four newspapers on my desk
Bright and early each day and I always read ’em
When a cue card has a typo
I’m liable to go Michael’s, take your pick
I said Jackson, Tyson or Lorne, 1976

[Chorus] Nowadays, everybody wanna act like they’re breaking the form
But every time I’m looking online, it seems
It’s just a bunch of old memes
All these mother******* hacks forgot about Lorne
Nowadays, everybody wanna act like they’re breaking the form
But every time I’m looking online, it seems
It’s just a bunch of old memes
All these mother******* hacks forgot about Lorne

What do ya’ say about a comedy great?
Been doing it himself, for a half a century straight
Wanna talk about all the crazy people he made?
Every single decade has ridiculous names
Like David Space, Belushi, Wiig, and Farley
Aykroyd, Gilda, Sandler, and Carvey
Ferrell, Morgan, Will Forte, Norm Macdonald, and Tina Fey
He must’ve seen a lot of things, but he never snitched
He’s nice as hell, he’s Canadian, bitch
On a typewriter, he wrote “Three Amigos”
Jugglin’ egos, chicka-chickalike Petey baby
On the cover of “Page Six” daily
And a bunch of much nicer people
Like Kate McKinnon, Kyle Mooney
And don’t forget Baby Aidy

[Chorus] Nowadays, everybody wanna act like they’re breaking the form
But every time I’m looking online, it seems
It’s just a bunch of old memes
All these mother******* hacks forgot about Lorne

[music video stops]

Eminem: Pete! Pete! What are you doing, man?

Pete Davison: Oh, yo. What’s up, dude?

Eminem: It’s another parody? It’s like another tribute or something?

Pete Davidson: Yeah, yeah, it’s like, the third one.

Eminem: Yeah. I would just stop.

Pete Davidson: What?

Eminem: Yeah, they all suck.

Pete Davidson: Well, do you not like the videos or your just don’t like me?

Eminem: Just please, stop.

Pete Davidson: Alright, I will.

Eminem: It’s really bad.

Pete Davidson: Honestly, we just do these because we love you so much, Marshall. They’re like, a tribute, you know?

Eminem: Pete!

Pete Davidson: Huh?

Eminem: Don’t fucking do it again.

Pete Davidson: Got it.

Eminem: Okay. [walks away] [Pete Davidson sighs]

Pete Davidson: Well Lorne, [yelling] you blew it!

Please Dont Destroy Three Sad Virgins ft Taylor Swift

Ben Marshall

John Higgins

Martin Herlihy

Pete Davidson

Taylor Swift

[Starts with Ben Marshall, John Higgins and Martin Herlihy at their office.]

Ben Marshall: Just feels like the whole thing is there.

[door knocking]

John Higgins: Come on in.

[Pete Davidson walks in]

Pete Davidson: Hey, what’s up, boys?

Ben Marshall: Hey, Pete in the house.

Martin Herlihy: The king of Staten Island himself.

Pete Davidson: What?

Martin Herlihy: Nothing. What’s up?

Pete Davidson: Well, I just want to say first off you guys have been making some really fun videos for the show this year.

Ben Marshall: Thank you, man. That’s very nice.

Pete Davidson: It got me thinking. I was like, we should all do a video together. I had this idea where maybe we could do like a music video about how we’re all like best friends and how we’re like boys.

Ben Marshall: Then we would be in it with you.

Pete Davidson: Yeah, you guys would be the boys. So, yeah.

John Higgins: Yeah. Oh my god.

Pete Davidson: Let’s do it.

[music video starts]

Pete Davidson: Yeah, it’s Pete, PDD. Let’s go.

[rapping] Another day in the life of Pete
just sitting in the court side seat
People want to take my picture with selfie sticks
that winds up on page six
It’s never ending, everyday I’m trending
people want to see the text that I’m sending
All my friends are cool and famous
Except these three sad virgins

Three sad virgins, woh
Three sad virgins, woh
Three sad virgins, woh
Three sad virgins, woh

Ben Marshall: Hey, can we timeout for a second?

Pete Davidson: Yeah. What’s going on, guys? Having fun?

John Higgins: I’m having a blast. Quick question. Is this about us?

Pete Davidson: Which part?

Martin Herlihy: I guess the three sad virgin part?

Ben Marshall: Like, we have had sex. Maybe not super recently. But…

Pete Davidson: Guys, it’s just a parody video. You guys are just playing characters.

Martin Herlihy: Characters.

Ben Marshall: So, people won’t think it’s us.

Pete Davidson: It’s not about you at all.

[back to music video] [rapping] The names are Martin, Ben and John
And they’ve worked at the show on Monday
just don’t have any swag
they’re tall and weird and sad

John’s loud but not very smart

Ben’s breath kind of smells like a fart
and Martin’s penis tip is way to red
at least that’s what his doctor said

Three sad virgins, woh

Three sad virgins, woh

John Higgins: Oh my god.

Martin Herlihy: That was my real doctor.

Ben Marshall: I gotta say something.

John Higgins: Yeah, you should. Yeah.

Ben Marshall: Pete.

Pete Davidson: What’s up?

Ben Marshall: We love it.

All: We love it.

Ben Marshall: I just had one like tiny thought.

John Higgins: This guy’s notes. leave it as it is. It’s rockin, dude

Pete Davidson: Do you have an ashtray by any chance? [John Higgins gives him his palm to put the ash on] Oh, yeah. Thanks.

Ben Marshall: Only the thing is, maybe it could just be like completely different.

Pete Davidson: Oh, okay.

Martin Herlihy: Oh, maybe it’s something topical like, Dune’s a big movie.

Ben Marshall: Something with Dune.

John Higgins: A Dune rap.

Pete Davidson: Alright. Alright, guys. It’s now a Dune rap. So, let’s get some [bleep] sand in here. Alright.

[rapping] The planet Dune is very nice
it’s a world that’s made a spice
it’s Sandy like a plier was Zendaya
I’m gonna ride a worm and these guys suck

Three sad virgins, what?
Three sad virgins on Dune

John Higgins: Why is he humiliating us? Ben, why are you dressed as Wendy from Wendy’s?

Ben Marshall: I can’t give you through it.
Martin Herlihy: Why are we up here?

John Higgins: He said we’re like the flying sad sag.

Ben Marshall: You know what? We can’t stand for this.

[Ben Marshall tries to get off the ropes, then falls down]

Pete Davidson: Are you guys ready to go again?

All: No.

Ben Marshall: We can’t do this anymore. Okay? It’s humiliating.

Pete Davidson: Damn, guys. I’m sorry. I thought this would be a fun thing for all of us. If it’s not then, let’s just end it.

John Higgins: Thanks, Pete.

Martin Herlihy: Thank you.

Pete Davidson: I mean, after we do the bridge.

John Higgins: Wait, what bridge?

[Taylor Swift walks in]

Taylor Swift: Hey, Pete.

Pete Davidson: Oh, hey, Taylor.

Taylor Swift: [singing] Ben is like a sad Ron Weasley
he looks like if Big Bird lost all his feathers
And Martin has the charm and sex appeal of a scarecrow
John has a big ass bowling ball head
How does he stay upright with that big fat head
and none of them have the guts to take their shirts off in front of a girl

Three sad virgins, what? 
Three sad virgins, who
Three sad virgins, what?
Three sad virgins, woh

and they’re gonna die alone