Colin Jost
Genesis Fry… Sarah Sherman
[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]Colin Jost: With mental health struggles on the rise, some Americans are seeking alternative forms of wellness. Here to help is meditation guru, Genesis Fry.
Genesis Fry: Hello, Colin. Join me, won’t you? On a guided meditation to the center of your mind.
Colin Jost: Oh, like right now?
Genesis Fry: Yes, Colin. Colin. Are you ready to meet Colin?
Colin Jost: Oh, I don’t know. I’m scared.
Genesis Fry: Colin Take my hand. And close your eyes.
Colin Jost: Okay.
Genesis Fry: I want you to picture yourself after the show tonight, Colin. As usual fans are taking pictures with Chloe, selfies with Bowen, you step outside and not a single ball flashes.
Colin Jost: Okay, that’s not tur.e
Genesis Fry: Shh. Relax, relax. Relax your arms. Relax your body. Relax your arms. Softer than I imagined. You get into your car without acknowledging your driver. He’s like a sub human creature to you.
Colin Jost: That’s not true.
Genesis Fry: What’s his name, Colin?
Colin Jost: It’s- Let’s just focus on the meditation.
Genesis Fry: You get home and you rewatch tonight’s Update. 21 laughs for Michael, 4 for you. You’re improving, but it’s slow.
Colin Jost: Genesis, come on.
Genesis Fry: Shh. Colin, relax. Relax.
Colin Jost: I’m relaxed.
Genesis Fry: Relax.
Colin Jost: I’m relaxed.
Genesis Fry: Repeat after me. I am Colin Jost.
Colin Jost: I am Colin Jost.
Genesis Fry: I am full of light.
Colin Jost: I am full of light.
Genesis Fry: Everything in my life…
Colin Jost: Everything in my life…
Genesis Fry: Was simply handed to me.
Colin Jost: I’m not saying that.
Genesis Fry: It’s okay, Colin. It’s natural to fight against to break through.
Colin Jost: Right.
Genesis Fry: Give me your hand.
Colin Jost: You’re already holding my hand.
Genesis Fry: I know. Well, it’s so soft. You’ve never done an honest day’s work in your life.
Colin Jost: No. No.
Genesis Fry: Shh, relax. Picture it, Colin. You’re in your dressing room after the show tonight, still fuming about bilingual monologue.
Colin Jost: That would not upset me. No.
Genesis Fry: Shh. You’re so alone. The only person in the world who cares about you is Antonio.
Colin Jost: Who is Antonia?
Genesis Fry: Your driver, Colin. Now Sunday morning, picture it Colin. You’re standing in the NBC gift shop to see if anyone recognizes you.
Colin Jost: Sunday morning?
Genesis Fry: No one does. No one does. Finally, a man notices you. He runs up to you so excited, “Colin Jost! Colin Jost!” he says. And he serves you with court papers.
Colin Jost: Court papers?
Genesis Fry: It turns out someone does recognize you. 32 women to be exact.
Colin Jost: You’re making this up.
Genesis Fry: Repeat after me, Colin. I am Colin Jost.
Colin Jost: I am Colin Jost.
Genesis Fry: I am a star.
Colin Jost: I am a star.
Genesis Fry: If you want to shine like the sun, first you have to burn like it.
Colin Jost: If you want to shine like the sun, first you have to burn like it.
Genesis Fry: You did it, Colin. Yes.
Colin Jost: Wow, I actually love that last quote. Did you just come up with that?
Genesis Fry: No, it’s a famous Hitler quote, Colin. And it’s your new quote too.
Colin Jost: Oh my god. Alright. Hitler slash Colin? Genesis Fry, everyone.