Get Woke with Tamika

Tamika… Leslie Jones

Megan Grey… Aidy Bryant

Bianca Twerks… Tiffany Haddish

[Starts with Tamika sitting on a TV show set]

Male voice: And now it’s time to Get Woke With Tamika. With your host, Tamika.

Tamika: Hello and welcome to Get Woke With Tamika. I’m your host, Tamika. And y’all about to get woke… with Tamika. I’m Tamika. First topic, discrimination. It’s wrong. Decond topic, progress. It’s right. Third topic, ‘House of cards.’ I liked it. And that was the topics.

Okay, let’s bring out our first guest. My producers tell me that she’s an author and an activist. Please welcome Megan Gray.

[Megan Grey walks in] [cheers and applause]

Megan Grey: Thank you so much for having me, Tamika.

Tamika: Now, my producers tell me that you are here to promote white woman’s protest? What’s that about?

Megan Grey: Well, actually, it’s just a women’s rights protest.

Tamika: So, you’re protesting black women’s rights too?

Megan Grey: No, we’re not protesting women’s rights at all. We’re protesting for women’s rights.

Tamika: Okay, coz I was about to say, “Take that nonsense to another show coz that’s not woke.”

Megan Grey: the protest is just an opportunity for all women to unite and be strong together.

Tamika: Oh. Then just say that. That’s very woke. Why you messed that up? That’s why I got so mad.

Megan Grey: Oh. I’m sorry. I guess I got a little nervous. It’s a scary time for women in this country.

Tamika: Scary? Shoot. Maybe for you but Tamika is not scared of anything except for god and fried fish that still got the head and the eyes in it. Don’t look at me while I’m eating you, fish!

Megan Grey: Okay. Again, I wasn’t implying that you would ever–

Tamika: Let’s just move on to our sponsors, okay, coz you frustrating me. Today, “Get Woke With Tamika” is brought to you by Breitbart news. Your one stop shop for all news. Breitbart news, we’re great!

Megan Grey: Is this show seriously sponsored by Breitbart?

Tamika: Yes. They like that I’m not afraid to hit both sides. Let’s bring out the second guest. This girl– [her earring falls] Oh, producers. [she puts it back on] Let’s bring our second guest. This girl needs no introduction, please welcome her. Oh, my producers are telling me that she actually does in fact need an introduction. She has the butt that I’m currently working towards. Please, welcome Instagram model Bianca Twerks.

[Bianca Twerks walks in]

Bianca Twerks: Hey, everybody.

Megan Grey: Should I get another chair or just–

Tamika: Let me check with my producers. Um, we gonna need another chair. So, you don’t have any more chairs? Well, if she stands then for the rest of the show? Okay, I’ll ask her. Um, Megan, do you mind standing up for the rest of the show?

Megan Grey: [looking around] Um, I guess not.

Tamika: She says she don’t mind. Okay. That makes sense. Okay. I’ll tell her. [to Megan Grey] Megan, we just want you to leave.

Megan Grey: What? Okay.

[Megan Grey leaves]

Tamika: And while she’s doing that, let’s thank another one of our sponsors. “Get Woke With Tamika” is also brought to you by Russia. Your one stop shop for news. Russia, we’ll keep the light on for you.

Now, Bianca, when did you decide to become an Instagram butt model?

Bianca Twerks: Um, I’m not a model anymore. I review movies. I changed my name to Bianca’s reviews.

Tamika: Well, you just wasting your butt.

Bianca Twerks: The first movie I’ll reviewing is “Geostorm.”

Tamika: “Geostorm?” That car sucks! I used to drive one until my current husband cut the brakes.

Bianca Twerks: It’s not about the car. It’s about climate control and man-made hurricanes. You know that can really happen, right?

Tamika: No, it can’t. Everybody knows that hurricanes is just god yelling at his wife. I can’t take all these Hollywood lies. The last movie I liked was “Moonlight.” And I loved it coz it was so woke.

Bianca Twerks: Oh, I loved “Moonlight” too. The story of a young black man exploring his homosexuality in the inner city.

Tamika: His what?

Bianca Twerks: Homosexuality. The main character was gay, girl.

Tamika: What the hell was you watching? “Moonlinght” is a movie about a group of black people in tuxedos taking trophies away from a group of white people in tuxedos. It was hilarious.

Bianca Twerks: Oh, no. You are talking about the Oscars. I’m talking about the actual movie.

Tamika: I want to argue with you about this but I’m getting frustrated again. That’s all the time we have. Tune in next week. [listening to the producer] What? We can’t end the show yet? Well, how long does a talk show usually– How long have be ween going? Four minutes? What am I supposed to do? Can’t we just roll the credits to fill in time? Okay, okay. Cool.

Male voice: “Get Woke With Tamika” was written, produced and created by Tamika.

Tamika: [talking to her producer] So, how long was that? Oh, no!