Willie… Kenan Thompson
Monique… Ego Nwodim
Stacy… Megan Thee Stallion
Kim… Punkie Johnson
Paul… Andrew Dismukes
[Starts with Willie introducing the show]
Willie: Welcome to the show. Welcome to the show where the tea is hot and the bras are off. It’s time for Girl Talk.
[Monique walks in to the show set]
Monique: Hello. I’m your host Monique Money Monique Problems. And this is girl talk. The talk show where ladies tell me their problems and I keep my advice real simple. I’m like a wise old grandma except I still look good. Ha-ha-ha. Y’all want to know my measurements? Nah, not, maybe. And as always, we got Willie in the DJ booth. How you doing DJ Willie?
Willie: Oh man, I love life. I got two girlfriends. They know about each other and they both cool with it. I’m strong and I’m happy.
Monique: Okay, good for you. DJ Willie. Thank you.
Willie: Ay, thank you.
Monique: All right, let’s get started with our first guest. Please welcome Stacey.
[Stacy walks in]
Hi. How are you doing?
Stacy: Hi, Monique.
Monique: Hi Stacey. So talk to me. What’s going on with you?
Stacy: Okay, well, here’s my problem. My boyfriend of four years just asked me to move in with him. But I’ve recently caught him cheating. What should I do?
Monique: Girl… [gives a look]
Stacy: Girl… [gives a look]
Monique: Girl… [gives a look]
Stacy: Girl… [gives a look]
Monique: Girl… [gives a look]
Stacy: You’re right. When you put it like that, I need save my coins and break up his ass.
Monique: Um-hmm. There she is y’all. Come on, give it up for Stacey. I saved another life today, y’all. Okay, let’s go ahead and bring out our next guest. Please welcome Kim.
[Kim walks in]
Kim: Nice to meet you.
Monique: Okay, hi Kim. What’s going on with you?
Kim: Oh my god, it’s just everything that’s going on with the world is stressing me out. My anxiety is through the roof.
Monique: Umm. You know, this sounds like it’s about to be complex. So why don’t we get our subtitles off for any white people or men tuning in. Go ahead Kim.
Kim: Girl… [Subtitle reads: Don’t get me started.]
Monique: Girl… [Subtitle reads: Pop off!]
Kim: Girl… [Subtitle reads: First off…] Girl… [Subtitle reads: What’s going on with the situation in Ukraine?]
Monique: Girl… [Subtitle reads:I know: How did it come to this?]
Stacey: Girl… [Subtitle reads: I’m not an expert, but…] Girl la… Girl… [Subtitle reads a long paragraph of over Stacy00 words]
Kim: Girl!
Monique: Okay, good boss. Stacy knows her stuff. Does she knows stuff or what? I will be honest, that just got a little too real for me. So why don’t you pick us back up DJ Willie?
Willie: Oh, man. I love my life. You know? My clothes are awesome. I got a cool car. I wake up laughing every morning. Because my life is better than my dreams.
Monique: Alright. Thank you DJ Willie.
Willie: Man, thank you!
Monique: Okay, let’s go ahead and bring out our final guests. Paul, come on out.
[Paul walks in]
So Paul, what’s up? Why are you here?
Paul: Well, I thought anyone could come on.
Monique: They can.
Paul: Okay, so my issue is this. I’ve got a great job, but I’m worried if I don’t quit now. I’ll never pursue my real passion drawing. What should I do?
Monique: Girl… [gives a look]
Paul: Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah.
Monique: Girl… [gives a look]
Paul: Okay, so quit my job?
Monique: Okay, you know what? You’re not getting it. Stacy, you’re the one with the boyfriend, right? So why don’t you help us out? Yeah.
Stacey: I got this. Bro…
Paul: Oh, yeah, that makes sense. I should quit drawing because I’m not really good at it.
Monique: Um-hmm. There we go. Boom. Third life saved, y’all.
Paul: Wow. And you’re the best. So I guess instead of saying thank you, I’ll take a page out of your book and say girl!
[wrong answer buzzer]
Monique: No, you’re not doing that. No way.
Stacey: You know where to go.
Monique: Alright, that’s our show. Play my song DJ Willie