Colin Jost
Michael Che
[Starts with Michael Che in his news set. There’s a picture of McDonald’s Oreo Shamrock shake at right top corner.]
Michael Che: McDonald’s announced a new Oreo Shamrock shake. Coincidentally, Oreo Shamrock is also what Colin calls Obama.
[Cut to Colin Jost. He is laughing hard.]
Colin Jost: What?
Michael Che: You remember it.
[There’s a picture of Rudy Giuliani posing with bull fighters at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: A photo from Lev Parnas’s phone was releases showing Rudy Giuliani posing with two bull fighters in Spain. And I think it’s little on the nose that Giuliani is literally holding up red flags.
[Picture changes to map of California state and a school building]
California is considering stopping physical fitness tests in schools over concerns that they lead to bullying and body shaming. So, good job getting gym canceled you fat losers!
[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of a Michigan State University logo and dolls display at right top corner.]
Michael Che: [laughing] The Michigan State University gift shop was forced to remove a display of dolls depicting black historical figures hanging from a rack. Worse, they were being sold for 3/5th the regular price. That’s just a good math and history joke. The school says they’ve since moved the dolls to more appropriate secured display case. [The picture changes to the dolls inside a prison]
[Michael Che is laughing hard]
[Picture changes to a news article that says ‘Porn star records sex video at gas station’.]
A gas station in Milwaukee may lose it’s business license after it was discovered that a male porn star recorded a sex video there. Even sadder, it was self pump!
[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Mascot Gritty at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: [laughing] The Philadelphia flyers Mascot Gritty has been cleared of accusations that he punched a 13 year old boy. He’s being cleared and in return Gritty has agreed not to blow up the hospital.
[Michael Che laughing]
[Picture changes to stitching yarn.]
Researchers say that they’ve developed a new way to stitch wounds together using a type of yarn made from human skin. They also say where they got the yarn made from human skin isn’t important. Incidentally yarn made from human skin is what Gritty is made of.