Sasheer Zamata
Clint… Beck Bennett
Venessa Bayer
Trevor… Mike O’Brien
Pete Davidson
Chad… James Franco
[Starts with five friends. They are having camp fire.]
[Everyone is laughing]
Sasheer: That wasn’t even the worst. The worst was when he was walking around with toilet with toilet paper hanging out of the back of his pants all day.
[Cut to everyone laughing]
[Clint is looking at Venessa]
Clint: Check out Trevor. So quiet.
Venessa: Clint!
Trevor: I talked like, a minute ago.
Clint: Bro, can I ask? Are we your only friends?
Trevor: What are you talking about?
Venessa: Clint! Don’t!
Clint: No, no. I’m genuinely asking. I’m helping the guy. Do you have any other friends besides us?
[Cut to Trevor]
Trevor: Um, I’ve got, um… friend named Chad who goes to another school. You wouldn’t know. It’s funny, it’s crap.
Clint: You should bring him up here next weekend.
Trevor: I will. If you want. If it–
[Cut to Trevor in his room walking here and there.]
[Trevor looks at a magazine.]
Trevor: Grow a guy.
[Cut to Trevor unboxing the package.]
[Trevor reads the manual and puts in the formula]
[Trevor is literally growing a person. First in a can, then in a fish bowl.]
[Cut to Trevor smiling]
Trevor: Oh, hello there.
[Cut to Chad in Trevor’s arms looking confused.]
[Chad is crying and feeding like a baby.]
[Trevor is teaching Chad other stuffs.]
Trevor: Wikipesia. These are tweets. This is all Guardians of the Galaxy. Popular movie.
[Cut to the friends camping again. Chad is also there.]
Clint: Just stick it in there little bit more.
Venessa: Okay, everybody shut up for a second.
[Cut to Clint and Venessa]
I’ve got a game. Alright? Just close your eyes. Okay, you’re gonna thank me. [Cut to everybody closing their eyes.] Now, picture Mr. Douis having sex.
Everybody: Ah!
Pete: What do you guys think like, his dating situation is for real?
[Cut to Trevor and Chad]
Trevor: Genuinely, I’d rather picture him having sex than on a date.
[Everyone laughs]
Venessa: You’re so right, Trevor.
[Cut to Clint and Venessa]
Clint: Hey, Chad. I can see you can drink my beer. Can you talk too?
Venessa: Clint!
Clint: What? I’m genuinely asking.
[Cut to Trevor and Chad]
Chad: I am Groot. That is funny. Guardians!
[Everybody laughing]
I can talk. Hey, what are hashtags?
[Cut to Clint and Venessa]
Clint: Say that again?
[Cut to Trevor and Chad]
Chad: No, I get that they’re to flag a socialble term in your tweet but wouldn’t it work just the same if you didn’t put the number symbol there?
[Cut to Sasheer]
Sasheer: What?
[Cut to Trevor and Chad]
Chad: I’m seriously asking.
Trevor: Chad, drop it. It’s nothing.
[Cut to Clint and Venessa]
Clint: Hey, can I ask you something, bro? Are you a grow a guy? Because I’m not super thrilled by the idea of a grow a guy eating my family’s marshmallows at our nice ass lake house. So, I guess I’m curious. Chad? Are you a grow a guy?
[Cut to Trevor and Chad]
Chad: Yes, I am that.
Clint: Yes, I knew it. I win. No other friends!
[Cut to Trevor and Chad]
Trevor: This sucks. God, you don’t even work. I’m throwing you out.
Chad: Actually, you don’t have to do that. We self-destruct.
Trevor: Like how would you–
[Chad bursts]
[Cut to Sasheer and Pete]
Pete: I mean, he kind of did have a point bout the hasntags, right?
[Cut to Clint and Venessa]
Clint: Are you a grow a guy too?
[Cut to Sasheer and Pete. Pete smiles and bursts.]
[cut to Trevor]
Trevor: Guess, he was a grow a guy.
[Cut to Clint and Venessa]
Clint: Yeah! Me too. Peace!
[Clint also bursts]
[Cut to Sasheer, Venessa and Trevor]
Trevor: I guess it’s just me and the ladies.
[Sasheer and Venessa burst too. Trevor is alone.]