Whoopi Goldberg… Ego Nwodim
Joy Bay Hart… Sarah Sherman
Sara Haines… Chloe Fineman
Sunny Hostin… Punkie Johnson[Starts with the show intro] [Cut to the show set]
Whoopi: Hi, I’m Whoopi Goldberg. And I’m technically not the star of The View. But I am the only one here who has ever been asked for an autograph. And as always, I’m joined by the Pippin to my Jordan, Joy Bay Hart.
Joy: Oh, come on. I’m Rodman. Tell me I’m Rodman.
Whoopi: No, you ruin some hotel rooms in Vegas. That’s for sure. [laughing] We’re also here with a couple of members of the B team.
Sunny: Thank you, Whoopi.
Sara: Very nice. Anyway, some of you may recall on Monday, our interview with Ted Cruz was interrupted by climate change protesters. But today we are looking forward to a more upbeat episode with a very exciting guest. Please welcome, Jack Harlow.[Jack Harlow walks in]
Thanks for coming, Jack.
Jack Harlow: Hey ladies, thanks for having me. A can I just say, Whoopi, it’s an honor. You are an icon.
Whoopi: Oh all right. Don’t compliment me all quiet like that Jack. I have been closed for business since before you were born.
Jack Harlo: Well, I’m looking forward to the grand reopening.
Whoopi: No, no, no. Come on. I am a dead woman walking. Alright?
Sunny: Excuse me, I don’t mean to be rude to our guests but there is something I wanted to say about the protesters earlier this week. I—
Whoopi: No, no, no, we’re not doing this again. They came to the show talking about a stop big oil. Like, what do you want me to do?
Joy: It’s an important issue, Whoopi.
Whoopi: They want me to stop Big Oil? How? I don’t know him.
Whoopi: Save the planet? My god, I’m already saving our rating.
Whoopi: Jack, what do you think?
Jack Harlow: It’s all good. But Whoopi, is it the global warming or is it just like getting a little hot in here?
Whoopi: Baby, please. We would never work. The only MCs I need in my life are my cats and my cigarettes.
Sara: Can I just say, personally I think we should speak about climate change.
Whoopi: Um-hmm. Okay. Okay, thank you sweetheart. But we moved on. Back to the matter at hand, the one and only Mr. Black Harlow.
Jack Harlow: Would you stop playing with me? It’s just Jack.
Joy: Well, I got a question for you Black. You and a lot of other rappers feature scantily clad women in your videos. Don’t you think that’s objectified to those girls?
Whoopi: Oh please. Those bimbos took the gig.
Joy: Come on, now, Whoopi.
Whoopi: I’m sorry, but it’s a music video.
Whoopi: What they think it was for? A damn science video?
Joy: What on earth is a science video? Did I say that, Whoopi?
Whoopi: You did say that.
Joy: I did not say that.
Whoopi: You basically said that.
Joy: So Jack, what do you say?
Jack Harlow: Yeah, I guess I’ll just say there’s a lot of beautiful girls in my videos, but you know, right now what I need most is a woman.
Whoopi: Okay, I don’t know what you’re trying to do to me. But it is working. I’m feeling like Indiana Jones just stepped on a booby trap. Because my whole dusty cave has started to rumble.
Jack Harlow: I like that movie. Maybe we should watch it together sometime. I hope you’re not afraid of snakes.
Whoopi: Okay, Jack. Am I sensing a metaphor?
Jack Harlow: Whoopi, I’ve met a lot of fours (metaphor), but today I met a 10.
Joy: Wait a minute. So the snake was about his— Oh my god!
Whoopi: Well Joy, I am wet. And that’s all the time we have today folks. Bring it to mama.