Kate McKinnon
Beck Bennett
Mark… Kenan Thompson
David Pumpkins… Tom Hanks
[Starts with 100 Floors of Frights intro]
Announcer: Welcome to 100 Floors of Frights. Enter at your own risk.
[Cut to Kate and Beck getting inside the elevator. Mark is standing inside the elevator.]
Kate: Do you things jump right at you at this ride?
Beck: Yeah, babe. It’s a scary ride.
Mark: Good evening. I am your elevator operator Mark. Now please, hold on as this ride goes boom, in the night.
Kate: Oh! Don’t make fun of me if I scream, okay?
Beck: It’s a 100 Floors of Frights babe, I’ll probably be screaming too.
Mark: And now, hold on for dear death. Ha-ha-ha-ha.
[The elevator door opens. There’s a woman wearing a wedding dress, holding flowers in one hand and a rope in the other.]
The women: Winafred Rogers got cold feet, and hung herself in a honeymoon suite
[the elevator door closes]
Kate: Oh, my god!
Beck: You totally dropped.
Kate: So did you.
Mark: Floor 20. Hall of our five scar restaurant.
[The elevator door opens. There’s a waiter with a big plate in his hands and the meal is covered.]
Waiter: Today’s special, your head. [When he opens the cover, it’s Kate’s head.]
[The elevator door closes]
Kate: Ah! That was my head! Is that why they take your picture when you enter the park?
Mark: I’m not telling. 49th floor.
Beck: Here we go. Here we go.
[The elevator door opens. There is David Pumpkins with two other people. He is wearing a suit that hast pumpkins printed on it. The other two are wearing skeleton skin costume.]
David Pumpkins: How’s it hanging? I’m David Pumpkins. And I’m gonna scare the hell out of you.
[music playing]
[David Pumpkins and the two skeletons start dancing]
Any questions?
[The elevator door closes]
[Kate and Beck say nothing. They are confused.]
Mark: Scared to speechless?
Beck: Oh, no. No. I’m just trying to wrap my head around, David Pumpkins? I mean, are we supposed to know who that is?
Kate: Yeah. It was just a guy in a pumpkin suit with two B-boy skeletons. I don’t get how that’s scary.
Mark: Well, you don’t get frights. You fear them. 26th floor.
[The elevator door opens. There’s a lady ghost wearing white pajamas and has black hair covering all her face.]
Lady: Can I sleep in your bed tonight? [screaming]
[The elevator door closes]
Kate: Yeah. I get why she is here.
Beck: Yeah. Creepy girl from ‘The Ring’. But David Pumpkins? I mean, is he from something?
Kate: Yeah. Like, is he from a local commercial?
Mark: Well, the scariest thing to the mind is the unknown.
[The elevator door opens. There’s David Pumpkins and his dancers again.]
David Pumpkins: I’m David Pumpkins.
Beck: I know. But like, who are you?
David Pumpkins: I’m David Pumpkins, man!
Kate: Okay. Yeah, yeah, and David Pumpkins is?
David Pumpkins: Is own thang!
Beck: And the skeletons are?
Skeletons: Part of it!
Kate: Why are you a part of this ride?
David Pumpkins: To do this.
[music playing]
[David Pumpkins and the skeletons start dancing]
What’s my name?
Skeletons: David S. Pumpkins.
David Pumpkins: Any questions?
[The elevator door closes]
Beck: Yes! Several! I mean, he has a middle initial now? I am so in the weave for David Pumpkins.
Kate: Babe, don’t let David Pumpkins ruin your night.
Mark: David S. Pumpkins! Floor 99.
[The elevator door opens]
[There is a woman wearing straitjacket with a huge chainsaw. She turns on the chainsaw.]
Woman: [screaming] Ah! I’m crazy… for… David Pumpkins.
[music playing]
[Crazy woman starts dancing. David Pumpkins and the two skeletons join her.]
[The elevator door closes]
Kate: How much David Pumpkins is in this?
Mark: Um, 73 out of 100 floors.
Beck: Why did you go all in on David Pumpkins?
Mark: Ay, look! It’s 100 floors of frights. They’re not all going to be winners. Floor 100.
[The elevator door opens. There are two skeletons of David Pumpkins.]
Kate: Okay. So now it’s just the skeletons?
Skeletons: Ready or now? Here we dance.
[music playing]
[The skeletons start dancing]
Happy Halloween!
[Cut to Kate and Beck looking at the skeletons with attention. David Pumpkins is sitting just behind him.]
David Pumpkins: [by surprise] Any questions?
[Kate and Beck are scared to death.]