Monologue Blake Shelton Recreates Hee Haw

Blake Shelton

Cook with a jug… Bobby Moynihan

Taran Killam

Jay Pharoah

[Starts with SNL monologue intro.] [band is playing music one the stage]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Blake Shelton.

[Blake Shelton walks in and to the stage] [cheers and applause]

Blake Shelton: Thank you! Thank you very much, everybody. Thank you. I am Blake Shelton. And yes, officer, I have been drinking. Now, for those of you who don’t know my work, I’m kind of like the Justin Bieber of country music. A little trouble making cutie.

I gotta say I do feel little bit like a fish out of water up here in New York city because, man, everything is so fancy. When I was growing up, the only comedy show I watched was Hee-Haw. And Hee-Haw was a variety show that was kind of like laughing meets deliverance. It was a little bit corny [country music starts playing] but I just loved it. [people wearing country dresses come behind him and someone hands him over the guitar.] And I thought, what a childhood. Oh, this is better already. We have a cook with a jug.

[Cook with a jug runs in]

Cook with a jug: I call this My Giggle Juice.

Blake Shelton: Here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna do some old fashioned picking and grinning. All you gotta do is just play a little music and tell a little joke like this. Come on! Hee-Haw!

[country music playing] [music stops]

Hey Taran!

Taran: Yeah, Blake.

Blake Shelton: I got food poisoning the other night.

Taran: Oh, no! What was wrong with the food?

Blake Shelton: My wife made it!

Taran: [laughing] That’s fun!

Blake Shelton: That’s Hee-Haw. That’s Hee-Haw. Come on, man! Here we go.

[country music playing. Taran walks away and Jay walks near Blake Shelton] [music stops]

Blake Shelton: Hey, Jay. Did you hear about that big old fish I caught?

Jay: Yeah! Well, don’t give it to your wife. I hear her cooking sucks!

[Blake Shelton is confused and looks at Jay.]

Blake Shelton: Don’t say that about my wife, man!

[Cut to Cecily, Leslie and Venessa dressed as country girls]

Leslie: May I be excused?

[Cut to Jay and Blake Shelton]

Blake Shelton: No, man! Hey, old Cook! Come down here. Let’s show them how it’s done. Come on, man. Here we go!

[country music playing. Jay walks away and Cook walks near Blake Shelton] [music stops]

Cook: I had to take my sister out the other night.

Blake Shelton: Oh, what for?

Cook: Our anniversary.

Blake Shelton: Ha-ha-ha.

[Cut to Cecily, Leslie and Venessa dressed as country girls]

Leslie: I do not like this!

[Cut to Blake Shelton and Cook]

Blake Shelton: You know what? Too bad!

[country music playing. Cook walks away and Pete walks near Blake Shelton] [music stops]

Blake Shelton: So, Pete. I was at the saloon the other day.

Pete: Yeah, I know. While you were there I had sex with your sister.

[Blake Shelton looks confused.]

Blake Shelton: Dude, this isn’t a roast.

Pete: That’s what I said to your wife when she tried to make me dinner.

Blake Shelton: Come on, man! Nice country jokes. Come on, man! Come on!

[country music playing. Pete walks away and Cecily walks near Blake Shelton] [music stops]

Blake Shelton: Hey, Cecily.

Cecily: Uh-huh?

Blake Shelton: My grandpa got his test results back.

Cecily: Oh, is he okay?

Blake Shelton: He’s great! He finally passed second grade!

[Blake Shelton and Cecily laugh] [Cut to Cecily, Leslie and Venessa dressed as country girls]

Leslie: This is wrong!

[Cut to Blake Shelton and Cecily]

Blake Shelton: You know what? You freaking guys! [Cut to everybody] Just forget it man! Maybe this was a bad idea.

Taran: No, Blake. Blake, no! We wanna get it right. We got it! Give us one more chance. Nice country jokes.

Blake Shelton: Seriously?

Taran: Yeah!

Blake Shelton: Okay. Alright! Well, here it goes.

[Taran and Venessa sit by Blake Shelton’s side.]

Taran: Hey, Vanessa.

Vanessa: Yeah, Taran.

Taran: So, you know how Blake’s grand father is an idiot, right?

[Blake Shelton is getting angry]

Vanessa: Oh, yeah! The dummest.

Taran: So, the other day I was having sex with Blake’s sister.

Vanessa: Who hasn’t?

[Cut to Cecily and Leslie. Leslie is laughing hard.]

Leslie: Okay. Now, that’s funny! You are hilarious, Blake.

[Cut to Taran, Blake Shelton and Vanessa]

Blake Shelton: What? We did it! We made Leslie laugh! She’s laughing!

[country music playing. Everyone stands.] [music stops]

Blake Shelton: Woo! We got a great show tonight, everybody. Stick around, we’ll be right back.