Chris Redd[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]
Colin Jost: The last day of February which means it’s also the last day of Black History month. Here to reflect to what that means to him is our very own, Chris Redd.[Chris Redd slides in.] [cheers and applause]
Chris Redd: Yo! Wad up? What’s up? What’s up? What’s up, Colin?
Colin Jost: Hey, what’s up? Good to see you, Chris. So, how was your Black History month?
Chris Redd: It was trash, man. Black people took too many L’s to let this February represent us, man. We lost legends. The Corona virus just stole the spot light. Now, I know people that wear protected mask that don’t wear condoms, and that’s wild to me. Shitting bed all around.
Colin Jost: Wow. I’m sorry.
Chris Redd: You should be. Even in politics, we have no representation, man. Kamala, gone. Corry Booker, gone. Which means me and the bay sketch is gone. The blackest candidate we got left is Joe ‘I got a black friend’ Biden. He cool, but listening to that dude talk is like watching our old man parallel park his own thoughts for 20 minutes.
Colin Jost: Wow. Yeah. Alright.
Chris Redd: And then on top of that, this happened.[Cut to a picture of OneUnited debit visa card with a Harriet Tubman’s picture on it.]
Harriet Tubman doing Wakanda forever on a VISA card.[cut to the news set]
What? Look at her! It looks like she got recaptured. She didn’t see Black Panther. Wakanda’s not real. Or how about this? Novels release black covers of white books for some damn reason. Look at this. Black Frankenstein looking like a Soundcloud rapper that got beat by the police. You got a black Wizard of Oz? That already happened. That’s the Wiz, you dummy! The we got Moby big ass Dick over here. This is stupid. It’s dumb.
Colin Jost: That’s pretty bad. But you know, there’s gotta be something good about this black history month, right?
Chris Redd: Well, a week ago I would have said boxing. I was looking forward to Wilder/Fury fight. But then Deontay Wilder walked out with his goofy ass wearing this nonsense. [Picture of Deontay Wilder’s entrance in the boxing match. His outfit looks heavy.] Yeah. Yeah, he lost to a bald headed potato sack body having white man too. This guy. Because he had a come-out just like a Mortal Combat fatality. Man, what’s wrong with you? And he said he did it in tribute of Black History month. Whose? Not mine. And on top of all, he got licked while getting his ass beat. Literally! Look at that. [Picture of Deontay Wilder and Tyson Fury clinching. Tyson Fury has his tongue out.] Ew! Come on, man. [Cut to the news set] Not on our month, bro!
Colin Jost: No. I don’t love that either.
Chris Redd: Nobody loves that. And then on a last second, Charles tried to sneak one pass just like we weren’t going to catch it. Look. Look at this. [Cut to picture of black people praying in White House, all standing behind Donald Trump.] Look at these White House negros. [Cut to the news set] Who y’all praying to? The ghost of black face pass? Then Trump’s got his eyes open during the prayer like he’s trying to remember which pocket his wallet is in. Trump is looking like a basketball from space jam, just sucking all the blackness out of em’. Does this look like black history to you, Colin? Huh?
Colin Jost: I’m gonna guess, no.
Chris Redd: So, just give us another month, man. Look, I know March is women’s month, so we’ll take April, we’ll start on the Chris Reddnd.
Colin Jost: What about April Colin Jostst?
Chris Redd: Nah! Y’all keep that day, boy. April Fools his how you got us over here in the first place. “It’s just a cruise. Hop on. We good. We good.”
Colin Jost: Chris Redd, everyone.
Chris Redd: Black people can’t get the Corona virus.