Tag: hulk

Black Widow Trailer

Black Widow… Scarlett Johansson

Kate McKinnon

Thor… Taran Killam

Nick Fury… Jay Pharoah

Reporter… Cecily Strong

Captain America… Beck Bennett

Hulk… Bobby Moynihan

[Starts with Marvel Universe intro]

Male voice: You love the Marvel Universe. Avengers: Age of Ultron, Thor, Captain America, Iron Man, but you wanna know why no Black Widow movie? Does marvel not know how to make a girl superhero movie? Chill! Marvel gets women. Coming in 2016. When it came to life in a big city, [Cut to Black Widow walking in the street] Black Widow had it all figured out. [Black Widow’s heel breaks]

A huge apartment, great friends and an internship at Fashion Weekly.

Kate: Where’s the new girl?

[Cut to Black Widow coming in the office doing somersault.]

Black Widow: Sorry.

Kate: Leather, with a low neckline? Take that off… and put it on the cover of our magazine.

[Black Widow is so happy]

Male voice: The only thing missing in Black Widow’s life was love.

[Black Widow meets Ultron in the park. Ultron is wearing a suit.]

Ultron: Hey, I’m Ultron.

Black Widow: Black Widow.

Ultron: You wanna grab a coffee?

Black Widow: I don’t really have time for dating guys now.

Ultron: What about robots?

[Cut to Thor and Black Widow]

Thor: So, who’s the guy?

Black Widow: Why do you think it’s always a guy, Thor?

Thor: Honey, you’re putting ketchup on your cereal.

Male voice: From Marvel Studios, and the writers of dresses, [Cut to Black Widow and Ultron enjoying in the park] comes the story of a super hero and her super romance.

[Cut to Black Widow and Ultron in a room. Ultron opens his pants and all sorts of robot sounds and lights are coming. Black Widow is looking carefully.]

Robot voice: Penis activated.

[Cut to Nick Fury, Black Widow and Captain America]

Nick Fury: I don’t know, Black Widow, I think you’re moving way too fast with this guy.

Captain America: Does he even know anything about you? Like your favorite food is ice cream?

[Thor walks in wearing a towel.]

Thor: Hey, BW. Your boyfriend is on the news.

[Cut to the TV]

Reporter: The robot named Ultron threw a bus at the Fashion Weekly building. I’d hate to be that guy’s girlfriend.

[Cut to Black Widow sobbing and crying alone]

[News showing “I’m sorry” written on a building by fire]

[Ultron visits Black Widow]

Black Widow: What are you doing here? You knew how much that job meant to me.

Ultron: I…

Black Widow: Do you even know what my favorite food is?

Ultron: Pizza?

Black Widow: Huh! Thank you!

[Black Widow kicks Ultron]

Male voice: For Black Widow, falling in love can be hard. But it can also be ‘Incredible’.

[Hulk walks to Black Widow]

Hulk: Where will you go?

Black Widow: Paris, France.

Hulk: But if you go Paris, then who help Hulk… [Hulk shows two ice creams] eat ice cream?

Male voice: Black Widow: Age of Me. Marvel, we know girls.

The Impossible Hulk | Season 44 Episode 15

Dr. Bruce Banner… Idris Elba

Melissa Villaseñor

Security… Kenan Thompson

Impossible Hulk… Cecily Strong

Policeman… Mikey Day

[Starts with Dr. Bruce Banner in a shop. He finds a shirt at 50% off.]

Melissa Villaseñor: And your total was $208.45.

Dr. Bruce Banner: Sorry, did you say 208?

[Cut to Melissa Villaseñor]

Melissa Villaseñor: And 45 cents, yes.

[Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner]

Dr. Bruce Banner: The sign said it was half off.

[Cut to Melissa Villaseñor]

Melissa Villaseñor: Not this shirt. Just the stuff in that section.

[Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner]

Dr. Bruce Banner: Oh, it was in that section.

Melissa Villaseñor: Oh, then that was a mistake. [Cut to Melissa Villaseñor] Somebody must have moved it.

Dr. Bruce Banner: Well, [Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner] I guess I’ll just get my money back.

Melissa Villaseñor: I’m sorry sir, we only offer [Cut to Melissa Villaseñor] store credit. It’s store policy.

[Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner]

Dr. Bruce Banner: Oh, come on. That’s [Bleep].

[Cut to Melissa Villaseñor]

Melissa Villaseñor: Sir, I’m going to ask you to calm down and lower your voice.

[Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner]

Dr. Bruce Banner: Lower my voice. You’re trying to rip me off and I’m getting upset.

[Cut to Melissa Villaseñor]

Melissa Villaseñor: Okay, security.

[Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner]

Dr. Bruce Banner: And you won’t like me when I’m upset.

[Cut to Security walks in]

Security: What’s the problem here? [Dr. Bruce Banner starts shivering] What the hell?

Impossible Hulk: Let go of me.

Security: Ain’t nobody even toughing you.

Impossible Hulk: I want my money back right now.

Narrator: While working at his lab located above a Torrey Birch, Dr. Bruce Banner was hit with gamma radiation in a failed experiment causing him to transform into an embolded white lady whenever he is provoked. He is the Impossible Hulk.

[Cut to Melissa Villaseñor]

Melissa Villaseñor: I told you sir, the store policy is–

[Cut to Impossible Hulk]

Impossible Hulk: No, you’re being aggressive. I’m calling the police.

[Cut to Security]

Security: For what?

[Cut to Impossible Hulk]

911: 911, what’s your emergency.

Impossible Hulk: Yes, hello, yes. I’d like to report an active aggression.

[Cut to Security and Impossible Hulk]

Security: We are literally just standing here.

[Cut to Impossible Hulk]

Impossible Hulk: Now they are crowding me, I can’t breathe.

[Cut to Melissa Villaseñor]

Melissa Villaseñor: Sir, just take your money back. It’s fine.

[Cut to Impossible Hulk]

Impossible Hulk: No, do not rest me; do not try to silence me.

[Cut to Security]

Security: Oh, man. This dude is impossible.

[Cut to Impossible Hulk, she struggles and turns back to Dr. Bruce Banner.]

Dr. Bruce Banner: What just happened?

[Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner walking in a hallway and then knocks on a door]

Ego Nwodim: What?

[Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner]

Dr. Bruce Banner: Can you please turn the music down? I’m trying to sleep.

[Cut to Ego Nwodim]

Ego Nwodim: You are forever complaining. Why don’t you just move?

Dr. Bruce Banner: Look, I don’t want to argue. [Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner] I’m asking you to turn the music down or else.

[Cut to Ego Nwodim. Chris Redd joins Ego Nwodim.]

Chris Redd: Or else what couz?

[Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner]

Dr. Bruce Banner: Or else I’m going to get upset.

[Cut to Chris Redd and Ego Nwodim.]

Chris Redd: Get upset then. What’s up?

[Cut to Dr. Bruce Banner shivering. He turns into the Impossible Hulk.]

Impossible Hulk: Let go of my arm.

[Cut to Chris Redd and Ego Nwodim.]

Chris Redd: Ain’t nobody touching your arm.

[Cut to Impossible Hulk]

Impossible Hulk: What’s your name? And everybody’s name in there.

[Cut to Ego Nwodim]

Ego Nwodim: Okay, dude. Calm down.

[Cut to Impossible Hulk]

Impossible Hulk: I need your manager now.

[Cut to Chris Redd]

Chris Redd: This is an apartment.

Ego Nwodim: Calm down.

[Cut to Impossible Hulk]

Impossible Hulk: You will not get away with this.

911: 911, what’s your emergency?

Impossible Hulk: Yes, I’m being aggressed right now.

[Cut to Chris Redd and Ego Nwodim]

Chris Redd: Aggressed? What is that?

[Cut to Impossible Hulk]

Impossible Hulk: I’m shaking and I’m in a lot of fear.

Ego Nwodim: Mr. Banner, [Cut to Ego Nwodim] we’ll turn the music down for real. It’s not a problem.

[Cut to Impossible Hulk]

Impossible Hulk: Keep laughing. Keep laughing. You’re going to be in a lot—[She struggles and then turns back into Dr. Bruce Banner]

Chris Redd: Hey, you okay, bro?

Dr. Bruce Banner: I’m fine, I think I need a froyo.

Chris Redd: A froyo?

Narrator: Next time on the Impossible Hulk—

[Dr. Bruce Banner gets pulled over by a police]

Dr. Bruce Banner: Damn it!

Policeman: Yo, yo, yo, my man. Do you know why I’m stopping you?

Impossible Hulk: Because you’re an aggressive [Bleep] I’m filming you.

Policeman: FP drive safe.