I Made It Monologue

Taraji P. Henson

[Starts with SNL monologue intro.]

[band is playing music one the stage]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Taraji P. Henson.

[Taraji P. Henson walks in and to the stage]

[cheers and applause]

Taraji P. Henson: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. This is so nice! Oh my god, being in Saturday Night Live really means so much to me because it proves that after 20 years of show business, white people finally know who I am.

[cheers and applause]

Ha-ha-ha-ha. Look, now I’ve been around a while, but a lot of you are just getting to know me as Cookie on Empire.

[cheers and applause]

Thank you. No, no, no, real talk. This role changed my life. I mean, I spent so many years hustling in this business and now I’m here. So, I guess you can say I made it. Hallelujah!

[Taraji P. Henson gets a mic]

[music playing]

[singing] Don’t worry about where you are
be grateful that you’ve come this far
you may not always come in first
just remember, that it could be worse
I could have been in acts to older Lion King
could be wearing some giant two wings
could be tryina’ make some bachelor holla!
could be twerking on a pole for a dollar
I could have been a hiphop, being a hoe
didn’t work no twice, but let no more

[backup singers come behind her.]

I know all that stuff matters now
coz I made it.

Backup singers: Oh, yes, you made it.

Taraji P. Henson: I used to tip 5, now it’s 30%

Backup singers: Oh, yes, you made it.

Taraji P. Henson: Oh, yes! I made it.
All my stuffs at apartment just to pay rent

Backup singers: Oh, yes, you made it.

Taraji P. Henson: Oh, yes I made it
Kudo pasta samples in the grocery store
although they know that I couldn’t pay no more

Backup singers: I know all that stuff matters now
coz you made it.

Taraji P. Henson: Oh, yes, I made it.

Now listen. Instead of worrying about where we want to be, how about we try to be thankful for where we’re not? Tthink about all the things we could be doing right now. We’re blessed. Somebody better testify.

[Taran Killam walks in]

Taran: I could still be performing magic for my parent’s friends.

Taraji P. Henson: But you made it.

[Kenan Thompson walks in]

Kenan: I could be the oldest cast member in Good Burger 7.

Taraji P. Henson: Hey, dawg, you made it.

[Kate McKinnon walks in]

Kate: I could have been behind the counter at Nathan’s. Now, I’m in front of it.

Taraji P. Henson: Ah! You made it!

[Pete Davidson walks in]

Pete: I could be a well adjusted college sophomore .

Taraji P. Henson: But you made it young man.

Pete: Sure!

[Venessa Bayer walks in]

Venessa: I could have been the most famous Jewish person from Cleveland. JK, I am!

Taraji P. Henson: You made it!

[Leslie Jones walks in]

Leslie: I could have straight up been in jail.

[music stops]

Taraji P. Henson: Oh!

Leslie: Seriously. I have done some stuff.

[Taraji P. Henson hides behind Leslie]

I even shouldn’t be on TV right now because somebody might recognize me and turn me in.

Taraji P. Henson: But you made it.

Leslie: Yes, I did.

Taraji P. Henson: We used to steal cable and watch the TV

Everyone: But we made it. Oh, yes, we made it.

Taraji P. Henson: Think about where we could have been
think how we moved on up like the tread machine

Everybody: Coz, we made it, we made it.
Whoo! Yeah!

Wow! We got a great show for you tonight. Mumford & Sons are here with me. So, stick around. We’ll be right back.