Actors Spotlight

Pam Barrett… Ego Nwodim

Kingsley Ben-Adir… Regé-Jean Page

Daniel Kaluuya… Chris Redd

Ice Cube… Kenan Thompson

Hugh Grant… Alex Moffat

[Starts with Pam hosting the show]

Pam: What’s up, guys? Pam Barrett here with you on After Spotlight, where we highlight a profession the media often overlooks – Actors. We have three incredible guests with us today. First, Kingsley Ben-Adir is having a moment. He plays Malcom X in acclaimed movie “One night in Miami”. Let’s take a look.

[Cut to the movie scene]

Kingsley: That’s why this move that we are in is called struggle. Because we are fighting for our lives.

[Cut back to the show]

Pam: Thank you for being here.

Kingsley: [with accent] Wonderful to be here as well.

Pam: I’m sorry. Say that again?

Kingsley: Um… Wonderful to be here.

Pam: Wait… You’re British?

Kingsley: Yeah, that’s right.

Pam: Oh my god. Your accent, you changed it. You tricked me.

Kingsley: I mean, well, I am an actor. It’s my job, ain’t it?

Pam: [laughing hard] Ain’t it? Yeah, it is. You so crazy, Kingsley. Wow. Okay, you know, let’s go to Daniel Kaluuya who is getting some Oscar buzz for his movie “Judas and the black Messiah”. Here, he is a Black Panther party leader Fred Hampton. Take a look.

[Cut to the movie scene]

Daniel: I believe I’m here and I’m doing what I was born for because I live for my people. Because I love the people. I’m gonna fight for the people. Because I will die for the people.

[Cut back to the show]

Pam: An amazing performance.

Daniel: [with accent] Hello love. You alright, yeah?

Pam: Hold up. Another one? You’re British too?

Daniel: I suppose so, yeah?

Pam: [laughing] Oh my god. Okay, this is so crazy. Were you British when you made “Ghetto”?

Daniel: Hah? Indeed I was. Yeah.

Pam: I’m just so impressed. God, what can’t you two do?

Kingsley: Well, I mean, looks like we can’t carry a legal American passport.

Pam: [laughing hard] Oh my god. You just thought that right now? Okay. And finally, Ice Cube is here. He is in new movie coming out in Hulu Atlanta called “Are we there yet? And if not, why?” Take a look.

[Cut to the movie scene]

Ice Cube: Yo! Get your ass in this car. We gotta get there. Man, if you don’t get in here, we’ll never get there!

[Cut back to the show]

Pam: Welcome, Cube.

Ice Cube: Well, lovely to be here. It’s a real tippy-topper.

Pam: Hold up. Are you trying to do the British accent?

Ice Cube: Na, na. I’m actually Bri-ish. [trying to speak with accent]

Pam: Cube, come on. You don’t have to do this.

Ice Cube: Do what? Be a young handsome cri-ikly acclaimed Bri-ish actor (critically acclaimed British actor)? I’m British from Jolly Old London town.

Kingsley: You’re from London, yeah? I was born off Kentish town. What part you from?

Ice Cube: Oh me? Ma, I grew up in tickle buckle circle.

Kingsley: Yeah, I’m not sure I’ve heard that one, mate.

Ice Cube: Oh, come on, mate. It’s right near muggle pipas cross.

Pam: Come on. You’re Ice Cube. You’re from South Central Los Angeles. It’s in every one of your songs. You know, I know a lot of Brits win Oscars playing Americans but you don’t have to do this.

Ice Cube: I don’t need no Bloo-i Osca (bloody Oscar). I already won three pudding boys.

Kingsley: Just be yourself, mate. We love you. Ice Cube’s an American legend.

Ice Cube: Well, me name is not Ice Cube in Brit-in (Britain).

Kingsley: Yeah? What is it?

Ice Cube: Coldy Squares.

Kingsley: Coldy Squares? Come on, man.

Pam: It’s not even– What is?

Daniel: Bruv, if you’re actually British, what do we call bars in the UK?

Ice Cube: Ye olde slurp and burp.

Daniel: Well, your American accent is perfect. Where did you learn it from?

Ice Cube: Oh, I wotch a loh (watch a lot) of FRIENDS.

Kingsley: Come on, fam, that’s what everyone says.

Ice Cube: Well, yeah, where did you learn American accent?

Kingsley: From watching Ice Cube movies.

Daniel: Yeah. “Friday”. “Boys in the hood”. Classics, bro.

Kingsley: You’re OG, man. You paved the way for all of us just being authentically you. Come on. Be real.

Ice Cube: [thinks for a second] Well, ain’t tha a pimp? You kicking me bimbly begins.

Pam: Okay. Not gonna buzz on this, huh? Alright, let’s go to commercial. Next step, we’ll go live from London and talk to start of the “Undoing”, Hugh Grant.

[Cut to Hugh in his home]

Hugh: [with accent]Yes, hello. It’s wonderful to be here. Pardon, is that Coldy Squares from tickle buckle circle?

Ice Cube: Ay! You win!

Hugh: I haven’t seen you since the 2010 Pudding Boys.

Pam: Um-umm. Okay, ya’ll. We have entered the Matrix. Let’s get on out of here.

Biden Halloween Cold Open

Joe Biden… Jim Carrey

Hillary Clinton… Kate McKinnon

Nate Silver… Mikey Day

Ice Cube… Kenan Thompson

Lil Wayne… Chris Redd

Kamala Harris… Maya Rudolph

Mitch McConnell… Beck Bennett

[Starts with intro]

Male voice: And now, a holiday message from former vice president, Joe Biden.

[Cut to Joe Biden sitting in his home. He has his house decorated for Halloween.]

Joe Biden: Greetings, America. It’s a spooky time filled with demons and darkness. Also, it’s Halloween. For some Trump voters, it’s the only day they’ll wear a mask. Do you like my decorations? I borrowed them from Melania’s Christmas display, which reminds me, there’s another holiday right around the corner.Election day. If you’re like most Americans, you’re excited to vote and very, very worried about the outcome. But don’t worry. They say I made points ahead. Poll numbers like that can only go wrong once in a blue moon. [There’s a blue moon outside of Joe Biden’s window.] Hah! Well, that’s a little troubling. But tonight, I wanted to take our minds off the election by reading a scary story. [Joe Biden pulls out Donald Trump Jr’s book ‘Triggered’. Then immediately puts it away.] Hah! That one’s a little too scary. [He pulls out another book] It’s Edgar Allan Poe, The Raven, a classic poem. You know, in the 1800s, people would read this and soil their pantaloons. Let’s see how it holds up. It’s hard to open.

[Joe Biden opens the book]

Once upon a midnight dreary,
while Trump retweeted QAnon theories
and rifled through his Adderall drawer
I was writing my acceptance speech when something stopped me with a screech
it was a knock upon my chamber door
it was someone still a little sore

[Hillary Clinton walks in the door as the raven]

Hillary Clinton: Ha-ha-ha-ha

Joe Biden: Who made me scared of four years more
Quoth the Clinton…

Hillary Clinton:We’ve lost before, Ha-ha-ha

Joe Biden: I said, “Raven, stop being such a drag
we’ve got this one in a bag

it’s what every pundit said from shore to shore

Hillary Clinton: Not Michael Moore,
he says voters are being under counted in the polls
also even if you do win on Tuesday,
the election could still be stolen from you

Joe Biden: I said, “Common! No one would dare.
I’ll be sworn in fair and square
all the votes will be accounted for

Hillary Clinton: Just like Al Gore?

Joe Biden: This time is different, I can win
the people know I have a plan

Hillary Clinton: But your real advantage is you’re not a woman, you’re a man

Okay, you got this. Okay.

[Hillary Clinton walks out the door]

Joe Biden: I checked the website at 5:38
to find out my election fate
Nate Silver, you will know the score
even though…

[Nate Silver is standing there]

Nate Silver: I was wrong before.
So, look, guys, our current model shows that Trump has less than a one in six chance of winning, about the same odds as the number one coming up when you roll a die. So, for example, [Nate Silver rolls a die] hah! One! Well, I guess that shows you that it’s technically possible, however unlikely, but roll it again an you will see that it’s a… [rolls the die again] hah! One! But roll it again… [rolls the die again] and ‘electoral college tie’? That’s not even an option. Okay, I’m just going to leave because I think our country is haunted.

Joe Biden: Our country is not haunted. We just have to come together like two butt cheeks to stop the crap.

Decent folks out there I ask,
hasn’t Trump failed at his task?
do not elect him anymore
though Ice Cube and Lil Wayne…

[Cut to Ice Cube and Lil Wayne wearing MAGA hat]

Ice Cube and Lil Wayne: … are voting for.

Joe Biden: Why in the name of all that is holy
would you be voting for Trump?

Ice Cube and Lil Wayne: Taxes!

Lil Wayne: Plus, Trumps got a new platinum plan.

Ice Cube: That’s right. If you got a platinum record, you can plan on him doing a photo op with you.

Joe Biden: Trump cannot win,
we must do better
than that spray tan super spreader
still I will win coz I’m a baller
just ask my running mate Kamala

[Kamala Harris walks in]

Kamala Harris: Come on, Joe, you know it’s Kamala

Joe Biden: I know. I took some artistic liberties to preserve my rhyme scheme.

I know a lot’s uncertain but I believe I’ll win this race. 

Kamala Harris: And that’s why Mitch McConnell…

[Mitch McConnell walks in]

Mitch McConnell: …is stopping by, just in case
Joe, my old pal from the senate. Don’t tell anyone this but I’m kind of pulling for you. You’re doing great. [Mitch McConnell showing thumbs up. His thumbs are injured.]

Joe Biden: My god. What happened to your hands, lobster boy?

Mitch McConnell: Oh. No. This is just very calm and normal condition called ‘old man purple’. Basically my blood hates me so much, it’s trying to reave my body. Either that or I’m too far away from my horcrux.

[Mitch McConnell runs out]

Joe Biden: So, whatever happens, America, know that it’ll be okay. 

Kamala Harris: Our nation will endure. We will fight another day. 

Joe Biden: I’m sure it will be peaceful no matter who has won. 

Kamala Harris: Though it’s never a good sign when Walmart stops selling guns
use your voice and use your vote
democracy will represent

Joe Biden: This daylight savings time, let’s gain an hour and lose a president.

Joe Biden and Kamala Harris: And live from New York, it’s Saturday Night.