Louis Tibbs… Kenan Thompson
Jamele Demmings… Issa Rae
Lisa Crowder… Ego Nwodim
D’Angelo Banks… Chris Redd
Crystal… Punkie Johnson
Caviar… Maya Rudolph[Starts with Your Voice Chicago intro] [Cut to J. Louis Tibbs in his set]
- Louis Tibbs: Good morning. It’s your boy Chicago. I am J. Louis Tibbs coming to you on this Sunday at 7:30 AM. Right before a two hour commercial for a pot that you can cook a steak in. Joining me to talk local politics, our lead council for Chicago’s in AACP Jamele Demmings and a freelance writer for the Root, Lisa Crowder. Now, there’s so much talk about the national election. But today, we focus on the local candidates.
Lisa Crowder: Which are so important. Representation begins at the street level.
- Louis Tibbs: Indeed. Indeed. So, Jamele, any strategy that you’re using to vet some of these candidates?
Jamele Demmings: Louis, I’ll be honest. I’m voting for everybody black.
- Louis Tibbs: Everybody black?
Jamele Demmings: That’s right. For too long, our people’s voices have not been heard. It’s our duty to stand together and take out power back.
Lisa Crowder: Okay. I hear you.
- Louis Tibbs: Okay. Representation matters. So, let’s first look at cook county’s third district where four time incumbent Frank Polaski is running against 29 year old lawyer, Charlotte Raines. Now, Charlotte has no experience in politics.
Jamele Demmings: Which is exactly why we need her. This is what I’m talking about. New voices. It’s the only way any change will happen.
Lisa Crowder: Okay, I like that. You bet on black, girl.
- Louis Tibbs: Okay. Looks like we got out favorite there. Let’s go to district J. Louis Tibbs0 which features a billionaire. Incumbent Scott Trebor is running against Rashad Carter.
Jamele Demmings: A billionaire? Now, see, how can someone who’s so rich know anything about us? Okay? Money corrupts the whole system.
- Louis Tibbs: No. Actually, Rashad Carter is the billionaire. He owns a software company.
Jamele Demmings: Hmm. And I find that so inspiring. We need more entrepreneurs like that. We need more entrepreneurs like that in our community.
Lisa Crowder: Look, at least he pays his taxes.
Jamele Demmings: That’s right. I gotta go with the democrat on this one.
- Louis Tibbs: Well, Scott Trebor is the democrat. Rashad Carter is libertarian.
Jamele Demmings: Which is what I like about him. He’s an independent thinker.
- Louis Tibbs: Okay, great. Let’s go to the city comp patroller race between democrat Catherine Lacy and independent candidate, Reverend D’Angelo Banks. [Reverend D’Angelo Banks looks like a rapper and he’s posing like one.]
Lisa Crowder: No, sorry. I knew this man in elementary school. for some reason, he had a dukie stain on his shoulder. So, he’s a pastor now?
- Louis Tibbs: Well, he has only been a reverend for eight months. And he has no church. He says that god has got him ‘on their way’. Let’s take a look at one of his recent Town Halls.
D’Angelo Banks: Ay, to the man. Yes friends, the rumors are true. I spent money on a lot of strippers. But, you have to understand that was only because I owned a chain of strip clubs. But I put that life behind me right after the clubs were shut down for tax fraud, hallelujah. Outlaw masturbation, I don’t love it. Amen.[Cut back to the studio]
- Louis Tibbs: Looks like their town hall took place outside of a dry cleaners. Alright, do we like reverent Banks?
Jamele Demmings: Absolutely.
Lisa Crowder: Oh, come on. He just said he committed tax fraud. The comptroller handles the city’s money.
Jamele Demmings: Which is perfect. He knows the system and all the loopholes. It’d be like hiring Wesley Snipes to do your taxing.
- Louis Tibbs: Okay. Let’s go over to district 6 where the district’s first Asian representative Daniel Lee is running against a conservative online duo that was featured on Fox News and recently spoke at the CPAC convention, Crystal and Caviar.
Lisa Crowder: I actually didn’t know it was legal to run as a team.
- Louis Tibbs: Oh, it’s not. Either way, their newest live stream video came out today. Why don’t we take a look.
Crystal: The media is always putting out fake news.
Crystal: They say our president lied.
Caviar: Come on!
Crystal: Well, he is not a liar.
Caviar: Well, sometimes he just exaggerates.
Crystal: Um-hmm. And they say we have to wear a mask in the grocery store.
Crystal: But I don’t need a mask coz I am blessed. [music playing]
Crystal and Caviar: [rapping] The mask is death, the mask is death
can’t go all day smelling my own breath
- Louis Tibbs: Okay. Jamele, your thoughts on Crystal and Caviar?
Jamele Demmings: Give me a minute.
Lisa Crowder: I’m sorry, but these two have absolutely no way–
Jamele Demmings: Wait! I got it. Stay with me. These ladies are passionate. And we need more of that in politics, right?
Lisa Crowder: I guess.
Jamele Demmings: Daniel Lee has been in office for 18 years now. We want someone who’s been out there working in the real world.
- Louis Tibbs: Well, both Crystal and Caviar are unemployed.
Jamele Demmings: Which is why we need to give them jobs as state representatives. Lift them up.
Lisa Crowder: Okay. I’m lifting. But sometimes, it’s hard.
- Louis Tibbs: It’s actually not that hard. Now, we take a break, when we come back, we’ll talk about the presidential race between Donald Trump, Joe Biden and Kanye West.
Jamele Demmings: Kanye? F him!