Sara Lee

Jake… Bowen Yang

Dylan… Harry Styles

Cecily Strong

[Starts with video clip of Sara Lee building]

Dylan: You called me in?

[Cut to the office]

Jake: Hi there, Dylan, have a seat.

Cecily: Dillan, I was just telling Santino—

Jake: Oh, it’s Jake.

[Cut to Cecily and Jake]

Cecily: Okay, I’m sorry. I was telling him about your work managing the company Instagram here at Sara Lee.

[Cut to Dylan]

Dylan: Yeah. And I love representing the brand. People love bread content.

[Cut to Cecily and Jake]

Jake: Yeah, that’s a actually why we brought you in today. Since we flagged some activity on the account that has been a little off message.

[Cut to Dylan]

Dylan: Oh. I don’t think so.

[Cut to Cecily and Jake]

Cecily: Well, for example, why did Sara Lee comment on this picture [Cut to the Instagram picture of Nick Jonas] of Nick Jonas saying, “Wreck me daddy”? And then comment a month later again with “Destroy me king.”

[Cut to Dylan]

Dylan: Oh, I see what happened. I’ve been mixing up the Sara Lee Instagram with my personal Instagram account?

[Cut to Cecily and Jake]

Cecily: Mm-hmm, we figured. And Sara Lee has also been obsessed with this random guy with only 200 followers.

Jake: For him, Sara Lee commented [Cut to Instagram picture of a random guy] with a few egg plants, water drops, a train and a ghost emoji.

[Cut to everybody]

Cecily: And that’s a reference to—

[Cut to Dylan]

Dylan: Getting railed to death. Yes.

[Cut to Cecily and Jake]

Jake: See, the worst part is this guy didn’t even like Sara Lee’s comment. And that’s really bad for the brand.

[Cut to Dylan]

Dylan: I didn’t notice.

[Cut to Cecily and Jake]

Cecily: Well, I think you did. Because three hours later [Cut to Instagram picture of a random guy] Sara Lee commented, “Shy no response?”

Jake: Again, really bad for the brand.

Cecily: If Nick Jonas won’t like Sara Lee’s comment, fine. But some random fashion twink?

[Cut to Dylan]

Dylan: Yeah. Sara Lee’s feelings were hurt by that. It’s okay though.

[Cut to Cecily and Jake]

Cecily: Well, the other component to this is you’ve been captioning the company’s images with your own voice too.

[Cut to everybody]

Jake: Here’s this one.

Cecily: So you should have written something like, [Cut to Cecily and Jake] “Sara Lee fact. Our Texas toast is part of delicious grilled cheese.”

Jake: But what Sara Lee actually captioned was, “Feeling really depressed after threesome. What was supposed to be a fantasy ended up more rejection. Must get rid of Toxic in community.”

[Cut to everybody]

Cecily: And were there typos in that?

[Cut to Dylan]

Dylan: I don’t think so. But Sara Lee wrote that at 4 in the morning while he was still on Poppers High.

[Cut to everybody]

Cecily: And was that also the case for this photo of our cheesecake?

Jake: How about you read this one.

Dylan: “A little moody after being used. Why do guys freak out when I ask them to spit in my mouth? Need a real king that can handle. It’s 8 am and I have to go to hell job Sara Lee. Little in my head after another threesome.

[Cut to everybody]

Jake: We think it would be healthy if Sara Lee stopped having threesomes.

[Cut to Dylan]

Dylan: I know. It’s okay though.

[Cut to Cecily and Jake]

Cecily: You keep telling us it’s okay, but it really, really isn’t.

Jake: Yeah, Dillan, I’m very disappointed. I passed down the Instagram to you because I thought it would be in good hands.

Cecily: Well, now that explains these posts from before Dylan started working here.

Jake: Oh! Oh, yes, I did write this, “Security downstairs stopped letting people into harness party at Sara Lee office. We have to do better. Must get rid of Toxic in the community.”

Cecily: Wow. Well, you’ve both done severe damage to Sara Lee’s image. So, this is your first warning.

[Cut to Dylan]

Dylan: Thank you. Full honesty, today Sara Lee DM’d Shawn Mendes saying “Check out my special holiday promotion.”

[Cut to Cecily and Jake]

Cecily: And what was that promotion?

[Cut to Dylan]

Dylan: A picture of my open throat.

[Cut to Cecily and Jake]

Cecily: Okay, second warning.

What’s That Name | Season 44 Episode 14

Doug… John Mulaney

Courtney… Cecily Strong

Vince Blight… Bill Hader

Todd… Mikey Day

Todd’s Wife… Heidi Gardner

Jake… Alex Moffat

Jake’s Wife… Aidy Bryant

[Starts with Doug and Courtney in the game show]

Narrator: And now it’s time to play what’s that name? And here’s your host, [Cut to Vince Blight] Vince Blight.

Vince Blight: Hello, hello and welcome to What’s That Name. The rules are simple. We show you a person. You tell us their name. Our contestants are Dough and Courtney. [Cut to Doug and Courney] [Cut to Vince Blight] The first question goes to Doug. John Legend is one of pop music’s biggest artists. But his better half as a star in her own right. [cut to picture of John Legend and his wife] Doug, what’s that name?

[Cut to Doug]

Doug: Crissy Teagan. [Ring for the right answer] [Cut to Vince Blight]

Vince Blight: That’s right. $5 for you. Courtney, you’re up next. Although, they recently split, we’ll never forget the whirl wind romance of Noah Cyrus [Cut to picture of Noah Cyrus and her boyfriend] and this American musician. What’s that name?

[Cut to Doug and Courtney]

Courtney: Okay, I actually know this. It’s Lil’ Xan. [Ring for the right answer] [Cut to Vince Blight]

Vince Blight: That’s right. Five bucks to you. All right. Doug. This next question is for $250,000. And we’ve got a walk on clue. [Cut to the stage. The door opens and a couple comes to the stage]

Todd: Hey Doug, it’s me. I’m one of your closest friends.

[Cut to Doug]

Doug: Hey, Todd.

[Cut to Todd and his girlfriend]

Todd’s girlfriend: And I have been his girlfriend for four years. What’s my name?

[Cut to Doug]

Doug: Hey, it’s great to see you.

[Cut to Todd and his girlfriend]

Todd’s girlfriend: It’s great to see you. We’ve gone out to dinner 20 times. We’ve sat next to each other at multiple weddings. What’s my name?

[Cut to Doug]

Doug: Uh—

[Cut to Vince Blight]

Vince Blight: Doesn’t seem like you know her name.

[Cut to Doug]

Doug: Of course I do. Of course I do. It’s Missy?

[Cut to Vince Blight]

Vince Blight: Audience?

[Cut to Todd and his girlfriend]

Audience: Karen

Doug: Todd, I’m so sorry.

[Cut to Vince Blight]

Vince Blight: Interesting choice to apologize to him. As opposed to her. I guess you just don’t consider her a human being.

[Cut to Doug]

Doug: What kind of horrible game show is this?

[Cut to Vince Blight]

Vince Blight: It’s what’s that name. Courtney. You’re up next. And we’ve got another walk on clue.

[Cut to the stage. The door opens and a couple comes to the stage]

Jake: Hey, it’s Jake from your advertising firm in which you are the only female partner.

Jake’s Wife: And I’m his wife. [Cut to Courtney, very disappointed] So, [Cut to Jake and Jake’s wife] we met at the holiday party and when I showed up, you gave me a big hug and said, “Thank god, I’m not the only woman here anymore”. Every time you see me, you say, “Hey, lady” or “Hey, mama”. What’s my name?

[Cut to Courtney]

Courtney: Mama?

[Cut to Vince Blight]

Vince Blight: Oh, not going to cut it, mama. Audience?

[Cut to Jake and Jake’s wife]

Audience: Allison.

Jake’s Wife: But, Lil’ Xan you know.

[Cut to Doug and Courtney]

Doug: See, that’s even worse than me.

[Cut to Vince Blight]

Vince Blight: How is that worse? Get all the cameras on him. Finish that thought, [Cut to Doug] Doug. It’s worse because –

Doug: Well, she’s a woman. So at a party, you think she would want to talk to the other wives.

[Cut to Doug and Courtney]

Courtney: Other wives?

Vince Blight: She’s a god damn [Cut to Vince Blight] partner at the firm, buddy. Unreal. Round two.

[Cut to Doug]

Doug: You know, I want to say something. I think you’re kind of a jerk.

[Cut to Vince Blight]

Vince Blight: I think you’re a jerk.

[Cut to Doug]

Doug: Why don’t you name all your friend’s wives?

[Cut to Vince Blight]

Vince Blight: Those guys? They don’t have wives. I roll with a crew of problematic bachelors and we call ourselves the squad. Let’s learn a little bit about our contestants. Shall we? Courtney, it says here that you’re a woman who doesn’t support other woman.

[Cut to Courtney]

Courtney: That’s right.

[Cut to Vince Blight]

Vince Blight: Is there anything you would like to say to all the girls watching at home?

[Cut to Courtney]

Courtney: Nope.

[Cut to Vince Blight]

Vince Blight: Gotcha. Doug, what would you say to all the young girls watching?

[Cut to Doug]

Doug: I don’t know. You are as good as any man. [Wrong answer buzzer] [Cut to Vince Blight]

Vince Blight: Terrible.

[Cut to Doug]

Doug: What would you say?

[Cut to Vince Blight]

Vince Blight: I wouldn’t say anything. Camera three, push it on me. I would listen. [Cut to Doug] [Cut to Vince Blight] It’s time for the final clue and this one is dealer’s choice. [Cut to the stage. The door opens and three women come to the stage.] No, you’re not seeing double. There’s three women there. Doug, these are three of your wife’s bridesmaids. [Cut to Vince Blight] And we know, you don’t know any of their names.

[Cut to Doug]

Doug: That’s correct.

[Cut to Vince Blight]

Vince Blight: Okay. So here’s the deal. You pick the one you think you have got the best shot at.

[Cut to Doug]

Doug: Um, middle one.

[Cut to three bridesmaids]

Woman in the middle: Awe, thanks.

[Cut to Vince Blight]

Vince Blight: And because you are such a dumb donkey, we’re going to give you almost all the letters.

[Cut to three bridesmaids. The hint has first letter blank space and rest three letters are ‘ARA’.”

[Cut to Doug]

Doug: Can I have the first letter?

[Cut to Vince Blight]

Vince Blight: No. That would be all of them.

[Cut to Doug]

Doug: Do I have to look at her while I guess?

[Cut to Vince Blight]

Vince Blight: Right in the eye. For $10 million. What’s that name?

[Cut to three bridesmaids]

Doug: I am so sorry. Lara. [Wrong answer buzzer] Dara. [Wrong answer buzzer] Jara.

[Cut to Vince Blight]

Vince Blight: You think her name is Jara? [Wrong answer buzzer] [Cut to Doug]

Doug: Tara. [Wrong answer buzzer] Mara. [Wrong answer buzzer] Dara. [Wrong answer buzzer] [Cut to Vince Blight]

Vince Blight: Audience?

[Cut to three bridesmaids]

Audience: Mara.

[Cut to Doug]

Doug: I said Mara.

[Cut to Vince Blight]

Vince Blight: Yeah, but you didn’t know it.

[Cut to Doug]

Doug: Hey, Vince Blake, why do you do this game? What’s it all for? What do you want?

[Cut to Vince Blight]

Vince Blight: In a word, chaos. [Cut to the stage] And that’s the game. No winner, I guess. But stick around because Doug’s our guest on another game show, “Does the Housekeeper Have a Son?”

Doug: No she doesn’t.

Vince Blight: He’s 16 years old. Good night.