New Annie

Cecily Strong

Kate McKinnon

White Annie… Venessa Bayer

Aidy Bryant

Ms. Hannigan… Cameron Diaz

Daddy Warbucks… Jamie Foxx

Black Annie… Leslie Jones

Kenan Thompson

[Starts with HBO First Look intro]

Male voice: And now, HBO First Look presents an exclusive clip from the all new Annie. Starring Cameron Diaz and Jamie Foxx.

[Cut to the movie clip. Cecily, Kate, White Annie and Aidy are cleaning a room and singing]

Everybody: It’s a hard knock life for us
It’s a hard knock life for us
instead of treated, we get tricked
they won’t buy us iPhone 6
that’s a modern twist.

[Ms. Hannigan walks in]

Ms. Hannigan: Hey, what is going on in here?

Everybody: Sorry Ms. Hannigan.

[Cut to Ms. Hannigan]

Ms. Hannigan: What did I tell you girls about singing while you clean up.

[Cut to the girls]

Kate: That it won’t bring our parents back.

[Cut to Ms. Hannigan]

Ms. Hannigan: That’s right. Now this place needs to be spick and span for a special visitor.

[doorbell rings]

Now, is too late. Quick! How do my boobs look?

[Cut to the girls]

Aidy: Banging, Ms. Hannigan.

[Cut to everybody]

Ms. Hannigan: Coming! [Ms. Hannigan goes to open the door. The girls go away] [Daddy Warbucks enters the door]

Ms. Hannigan: Ooh! Hello!

Daddy Warbucks: Well, hello yourself. [cut to Daddy Warbucks] My name is Jamie Foxx. I mean Daddy Warbucks. And I’m here to meet that adorable little girl name Annie.

[Cut to Ms. Hannigan and Daddy Warbucks. White Annie walks in]

White Annie: I’m right here, sir. Orphan Annie at your service.

Daddy Warbucks: No, no, no! I want the black Annie.

[Cut to White Annie]

White Annie: Oh, okay. Um, but I might get in trouble for this. [starts acting black] Yo, yo, yo! Wad up, playa?

[Cut to Daddy Warbucks]

Daddy Warbucks: No! Just please stop right now. I mean the all new black Annie. The one Ms. Hannigan sent me a photo of.

Black Annie: Alright, here I come.

[Cut to Black Annie walking in in a children outfit.]

What’s up? Annie in the house.

[Black Annie walks to Daddy Warbucks]

I was taking my pills and vitamins. You know, I gotta stay strong. You know what I’m saying?

Daddy Warbucks: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What the fazey? What the fizzle? I mean, who is this woman?

Black Annie: And who the hell is this sexy rich bastard?

[Cut to Ms. Hannigan, Daddy Warbucks and Black Annie]

Ms. Hannigan: Mr. Warbucks, this is Annie Shivau. We believe she is Haitian.

Black Annie: And I haven’t proved it yet, but I think my dad is Wyclef Jean. You know what I’m saying? And my mom is Bonnie Raitt.

Daddy Warbucks: How old are you?

Black Annie: 43 baby. But I can still go all night.

[Cut to Daddy Warbucks and Black Annie]

Daddy Warbucks: And you’re still an orphan?

Black Annie: Man, I’m everything. I’m an orphan. I’m a veteran. I did a half a season in the WNBA.

[White Annie comes in]

White Annie: Oh, black Annie, you’ve lived quite a life.

Black Annie: White Annie, I will slap you right now.

[White Annie leaves]

Daddy Warbucks: I’m a very rich man. And if I adopt you, I’m worried you might take my money.

[Cut to Ms. Hannigan, Daddy Warbucks and Black Annie]

Ms. Hannigan: I promise Annie’s a very sweet girl.

Black Annie: Yeah! And I’m useful too.

[Cut to Ms. Hannigan and Black Annie]

Ms. Hannigan: She’s great at making spreads for college football.
Black Annie: Damn straight!

Ms. Hannigan: She defended herself in court five times.

Black Annie: So, I’m basically a lawyer.

Ms. Hannigan: Oh! And she can palm a pumpkin.

[Cut to Ms. Hannigan, Daddy Warbucks and Black Annie. Daddy Warbucks holds a pumpkin with her one fist]

Black Annie: Coz I got some big ass hand.

[Cut to Daddy Warbucks and Black Annie

Daddy Warbucks: Well, I’m not sure you’re the little orphan girl I’m looking for, Annie. But I am in need of a security guard.

[Daddy Warbucks puts his hand out for a handshake.]

Black Annie: For real, Daddy Warbucks? You will not regret this.

[Daddy Warbucks hugs Black Annie]

Daddy Warbucks: Oh, my back! Easy!

Black Annie: The only thing is, I need my money up front and I don’t work weekdays and I got three kids that you’ll probably gonna have to adopt too.

[Cut to the girls]

Cecily: The sun will come out

Kate: Tomorrow

The girls: Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow

[Cut to everybody]

Everybody: There’ll be sun

Daddy Warbucks: [yelling] Ay! [Cut to Daddy Warbucks] Why are you all trying to steal my moment? This is not about you orphan bitches. This about black Annie.

[rock music playing] [Cut to everybody. Kenan walks in dancing and singing]

Kenan: Oh! Black Annie! Damn! Damn!
Oh! Black Annie! Damn! Damn!
Black Annie was in town, bam, bam
but not gonna be around, bam, bam
Oh! Black Annie! Damn! Damn!
Oh! Black Annie! Damn! Damn!