How 2 Dance with Janelle

Janelle… Sasheer Zamata

Teddy… Kyle Mooney

Mom…Taraji P. Henson

Michael… Jay Pharoah

[Starts with How 2 dance with Janelle intro] [Cut to Janelle streaming live with her friend Teddy sitting behind her.]

Janelle: What’s up YouTube? It’s your girl Janelle, a.k.a. Jay Train, a.k.a. Janelle. And I’m here as always with my best friend Teddy.

Teddy: [walks near to Janelle] Best friend and prom date.

Janelle: That’s right. We’re going together as a joke. [laughs]

Teddy: So funny!

Janelle: Anyway, we’re live streaming today in honor of my channel hitting 1 million subscribers. So, shout out to my 1 million subscriber, Jeremy Gates from Danberi state penitentiary. [Janelle hits the play button and the music starts playing] Okay, let’s get dancing.

[Janelle and Teddy stand]

Today we’re gonna learn how to do the Do Drop. Alright Teddy, first you have to shake your shoulders like you’re cold then roll your body like it’s a snake. It’s easy. Let’s try it full speed.

[Janelle starts dancing]

Teddy: Oh, my god!

[Mom opens the door enters the room]

Mom: Woo-hoo! Y’all better be kissing in here.

Janelle: Ew, gross!

Teddy: Yeah, that’d be so gross.

[Janelle pauses the music]

Janelle: Can you leave? I’m doing my dances.

Mom: Oh, I know baby. Your brothers and friends are all watching in the living room.

[Michael walks in]

Michael: Janelle! None of my friends want to play Xbox with me.

Mom: Michael! Go take the garbage!

Michael: Mom, it’s not even making sense!

Mom: You better get out of here boy!

[Michael leaves]

Baby, show me the dance you were doing?

Janelle: Oh, it’s call the Do Drop. Like this.

[Janelle shows the dance.]

Mom: Oh, no, no, no. That is not how we move in this house. I raised you better than that. We move like this.

[Mom shows Janelle how to move even better.]

Teddy: [looking at Mom] Oh, how cool pillow. I’m just gonna put it right here.

[Janelle puts the pillow over his lap.]

Janelle: Oh, mom!

Mom: Please! You know I auditioned to be a fly girl. Now let me show you how real real woman dances.

Janelle: But I’m not a woman.

Mom: Well, your body disagrees. Alright, step one, jam!

[Mom plays the music and starts dancing]

Ay! Ay! Step two, it’s all about arms and back. You gotta pop it like this. Pop! Pop! Pop it out! Pop it! Pop it!

Janelle: It looks like someone’s trying to punch you in the spine.

Mom: That’s what’s hot about it. Pop it! Pop it!

[Janelle and Mom are dancing together]

Bang! Bang! Bang! Now, how does that feel for you?

Janelle: It hurts everything.

Mom: Hah! Then you’re doing it right, baby. Now watch this. This is when you’re dropping it low.

[Mom starts shaking her butt] [Michael walks in]

Michael: Mom, my friends are watching this!

Mom: Hey, boys! Don’t you eat all my food!

[Michael leaves]

Janelle: Teddy, get in here.

Mom: Yeah! Teddy!

[Janelle pulls Teddy in the middle of her and Mom.]

Mom: Come on, Teddy! You have to move your hips like this.

Janelle: Yeah, and move your arms and chest like this.

Mom: Yeah, go Teddy! Go Teddy!

[Teddy faints]

Is he alright?

Janelle: Yeah, he faints a lot. I’ll just get him some water.

Mom: Okay, baby. You go.

[Janelle leaves]

Mom: [looking at the computer] What’s that comment say? Do you know how to twerk? Oh, baby. I was made for–

[Michael storms in]

Michael: No, no, no, no.

[Michael is pressing all the buttons trying to stop the streaming] [This livestream has now ended.]

Graveyard Song (ft. Jim Carrey)

Janelle… Sasheer Zamata

Arla… Pete Davidson

Reaper… Jay Pharoah

Tombstones… Bobby Moynihan, Kate McKinnon

Phil… Jim Carrey

Paul… Taran Killam

[Starts with a video clip of graveyard.]

Janelle: Arla, this place is creeping me out.

[Cut to Janelle and Arla walking with a 6-pack]

Reaper: Come on, Janelle. What better place to get faded on that a graveyard?

Janelle: You’re so bad. It’s hot.

[music playing]

Wait! What’s that sound?

Reaper: I hear it too. Is that music?

[Everything in the graveyard is singing]

Everything: On Halloween, this place comes alive
spirits and hearts begin to rise
you’ve come here in the worst of nights
Say hello to our graveyard fights

[statue of Reaper starts walking down]

Reaper: I am the reaper, the keeper of the dead
tonight I’m going to keep your head

[Cut to two tombstone statues]

Tombstones: We are the spooky tombstone band
we sing the chorus of the damned

[Cut to the tree]

Tree: I am a twisted rotting tree.

[Cut to Paul and Phil]

Paul and Phil: We are Paul and Phil

[Cut to two tombstone statues]

Tombstones: Since you’ve arrived on Halloween
You are doomed to never leave

[Cut to the tree]

Tree: Are you scared?

Paul and Phil: Paul and Phil

Tree: Are you terrified?

Paul and Phil: Paul and Phil
Paul and Phil

Phil: Couple of dead guys.

Paul: We hail from the Hawkeye state. 

Phil: Paul and Phil

Paul: Phil and Paul

Paul and Phil: Can you guess who’s who? We’ll never tell.

Paul: Yes we will. I am Paul.

Phil: I guess I am Phil.

Paul and Phil: Now you know who’s Paul, who’s Phil. Paul and Phil!

[music stops]

Tombstones: Shut up! [Cut to tombstones] Shut up! Now! Just shut up!

[Cut to Janelle and Arla]

Janelle: What is this? What do you want with us?

Arla: The only thing I know for sure is that they’re Paul and Phil

[Cut to the tree]

Tree: We’re trying to explain everything to you with our song, but Paul and Phil made it the Paul and Phil show.

[Cut to Paul and Phil]

Paul: Oh, tree. Did we go on too long? Gosh! Darn it!

Phil: It was just so darn fun.

[Cut to Janelle and Arla]

Arla: Are Paul and Phil like, a part of this? Because, I’m not scared of Paul and Phil.

[Cut to Paul and Phil]

Phil: Aw, thanks man!

[Cut to tombstones.]

Tombstone: Paul and Phil are just some nice casual ghosts, just sort of always around.

[Cut to Paul and Phil]

Paul: Yep! Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. I died chasing a butterfly off a cliff.

Phil: And when I found out he was dead, I killed myself.

[Cut to the tree]

Tree: Can we please continue our song?

[Cut to Paul and Phil]

Paul: Well, that sounds good to us. Hey, where are we jumping in?

Phil: Are we rehearsed?

[Cut to the tombstones]

Tombstone: Hey! We’re starting.

[music playing]

We see you all consumed by fear
of all could things that could happen in here

[Cut to the reaper]

Reaper: I could slice you with my scythe. 

[Cut to the tree]

Tree: You could hang from my tree.

[Cut to Paul and Phil]

Paul and Phil: Or, kind of rug with Paul and Phil

Phil: Coz everybody gotta have a place to go

Paul: If you can dig in

Paul and Phil: Or get down below

[acting like digging with a spade]

tsk-foo tsk-foo tsk-foo tsk-foo
That move is called ‘the Paul and Phil’

[Cut to the tree]

Tree: [yelling] No! Absolutely not!

[Cut to Paul and Phil]

Phil: Did we jump in again too soon? I thought we were on our song after the tree!

[Cut to Reaper]

Reaper: Who told you that/

[Cut to Paul and Phil]

Paul and Phil: I think maybe you.

[Cut to Janelle and Arla]

Janelle: Can we just go?

[Cut to the tombstones]

Tombstone: Not so fast. We’ll only let you leave, if you can solve our riddle.

[Cut to Janelle and Arla]

Arla: Well, can you tell us the riddle?

[Cut to everybody]

Tombstone: No, but we can sing it. [laughing] [music playing] [Cut to Reaper]

Reaper: What passes by but has no lane?

[Cut to the tombstones]

Tombstones: What has a face with no eyes to gaze?

[Cut to the tree]

Tree: What can strike–

[Paul and Phil interrupts]

Paul and Phil: Oh, it’s a clock!

Tree: Hell no! Hell no! Hell no, Paul and Phil! Hell no! You don’t ruin the riddle!

[Cut to Janelle and Arla]

Janelle: Cool. It’s a clock. Now, can we go?

Arla: Thanks Paul and Phil. Have a beer.

[Arla passes a beer to Paul and Phil but they cannot hold the can]

Phil: We’re ghosts. That beer went right through me.

Paul: Yes, it always did.

[Cut to everybody] [music playing]

Paul and Phil: Paul and Phil
we’re Paul and Phil
we’re Paul and Phil
Paul and Phil
Paul and Phil