Tag: Janet

Bosses

Murphy… Bowen Yang

Janet… Chloe Fineman

Reynold… Molly Kearney

Daniel… Sarah Sherman

Benson… Quinta Brunson

Heather… Heather Gardner

Murphy: So Janet, how’s your first month here been?

Janet: Oh, it’s been great. I’m so happy to be working here.

Reynold: Well, we’re lucky to have you.

Janet: But I don’t want to make this a big deal. I think Daniels has been kind of weird with me.

Murphy: Oh, Daniel is our top salesman, really? He’s always been cool to me.

Janet: You’re right. It’s probably nothing. Forget I said anything.

Daniel: Hey, Murphy. How’re ya? How are the kids?

Murphy: They’re good, Daniel. Just sent my eldest off to Penn State.

Daniel: oh gosh, that must be hard on the old bank account. [laughing] And Reynold, we’e hitting the links later on what, buddy?

Reynold: Five on the dot, Daniel.

Daniel: Looking forward to it. And Simmons, [suddenly starts acting weird] Big butt. Whoo! Setting off the penis alarm. [suddenly acting normal] And Murphy, you got that reported to me by Monday or what?

Murphy: Absolutely Daniel.

Daniel: Alright, that’s great. Oh and before I forget guys, we got a company wide Zoom meeting at six where I’ll be zooming in on those boobies. Computer enhance, engaging X ray vision. It said we have nipples. And Murphy, listen, that Turner file’s not gonna file itself, alright? See you guys.

Janet: You guys saw that, right?

Murphy: Saw what?

Janet: Daniels when he talks to me, he did like an impression of a sex computer.

Murphy: I thought he was just being goofy. But hey, I’m old school.

Reynold: You know, if you’re having a problem with him, you can always talk to Benson.

Janet: Benson? Really?

Murphy: Oh, yeah, totally. He’s been here forever. He just gets it out. Speak of the devil.

Benson: Well, lookie here, all of my favorite people?

Reynold: How are you?

Murphy: Benson?

Benson: Guys, I want to thank you again for showing up to my granddaughter’s food drive. It meant the world.

Reynold: Anything for you, Benson.

Benson: We fed 500 families in need because of you guys. I mean, Simmons. I know it meant the world to my granddaughter that you brought those.

Janet: Those what?

Benson: Well, those big old buttered yams. Ooh. What I would to jump off a diving board and cannonball and do that cleavage. Help! I’m drowning, but don’t save me. I want to die in there. All right, gang. If you need anything, anything at all, please just give me a call. I’d do anything for you guys. I’d even adopt those gorgeous two twins and raise them in a hotel like Zach and Cody. Alright, duty calls. I’ll catch you guys later.

Reynold: Love you, man.

Janet: Okay, you guys notice that right?

Reynold: I mean, I want to say yes so you don’t feel crazy, but I didn’t notice anything.

Janet: How?

Murphy: Oh, can we make something out of nothing today?

Janet: This is insane.

Heather: Janet. Hey, I’m Heather from HR. I heard you down the hall. And if anyone here has been making you uncomfortable, we will handle it right now in a company wide meeting.

Janet: Thank you.

Heather: But first we have a musical performance from the penis brothers.

[Benson and Daniel walk in dancing]

Daniel: Come on, ya’all.

Benson: This one goes out to our two favorite ladies.

Daniel: Simmons, ya’ll.

Murphy: Oh my god, the penis brothers!

Heather: The moment you’ve all been waiting for, the brothers bongo boob experience.

[Benson and Daniel are hitting on Janet’s breasts like they’re bongo]

Janet: How is that making that sound?

Daniel: Hey Murphy, you got that file for me or what?

Murphy: I do, Daniel. By the way, I got an email from corporate and you’re both fired.

Benson and Daniel: Makes sense.

Chucky

Chloe Fineman

Melissa Villaseñor

Ego Nwodim

Chucky… Sarah Sherman

Jake Gyllenhaal

Janet… Aidy Bryant

[Starts with ladies talking in the restroom]

Chloe: Oh my god, these meetings kind of have been brutal.

Melissa: I know I can barely keep my eyes open.

Ego: You guys, I’m so done with Janet.

Chloe: Okay, she is awful.

Ego: I know.

Chloe: She’s always like running down the hallway so fast. It’s like what’s the big rush Janet? You don’t actually do anything.

Ego: Ha-ah-ha. And does she have to eat tuna every day?

Melissa: Makes me sick. And she chews with her mouth open like a farm man.

Ego: Yes.

Chloe: Okay. The worst is when she’s quiet. It’s so creepy.

Ego: Seriously, yesterday when we were carpooling, I completely forgot she was in the car because she didn’t say a word the whole time. And all of a sudden, she just pops up in the backseat out of nowhere like Chucky.

[everyone laughing. Suddenly, someone flushes the toiled behind them. Then real Chucky walks out of the toilet and washes his hands.]

Chloe: Hey, Chucky.

Ego: We didn’t realize you were in there.

Chucky: Well, I was.

Melissa: Did you hear us talking?

Chucky: No, not really. Oh, in a part where you compared me to Janet, you filthy slut? [pulls out a knife] You’re not gonna mess with me.

[Chucky attacks them]

[Cut to an HR meeting. All the ladies’ hair are messy.]

Jake: I know no one likes getting called into an HR meeting but given what happened this morning, I felt it was necessary. Chucky, as you know we have a company policy against stabbing your coworkers in the legs with a knife. But ladies, we also have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to bullying. What you said about Chucky was uncalled for. Especially comparing him to Janet who we all know sucks.

Janet: I’m sorry. Why do I have to be here?

Jake: To take notes, Janet. I diot.

[everyone laughs at Janet.]

Jake: Okay, so how can we stop this kind of thing from happening in the future?

Chucky: [pulls out a knife] By putting these benches in body bags?

Ego: See? That’s it right there.

Melissa: Chuck is always saying things like that.

Chloe: I also think these gender neutral bathrooms were a big mistake. Only because now I have to worry about Chucky dropping down from the ceiling and landing on my back while I’m sitting on the toilet.

Chucky: Don’t tap me with a good time.

Ego: Ooh, Chucky, stop.

Jake: Chucky, I understand that when your feelings get hurt, your first instinct is violence. For example, you’re stabbing me in the leg right now. [Chucky is actually stabbing him]

Chloe: Oh my god.

Ego: See? He doesn’t belong here.

Jake: Yes, he does. Each of us has a different story. Megan, you have a background in PR. Peggy, you were in the military. And Chucky, you did an ancient voodoo curse that when combined with a lightning strike transferred your soul to the body of adult, that’s something that no one else here can say.

Chloe: He’s not even listening.

Jake: Wow. I think we’re making progress.

Melissa: Look!

[Chucky has two bombs in his hands]

Jake: Oh my God!… Janet!  Are you eating tuna right now?

[The office explodes.]

Weekend Update Lowell Fitzroy and Janet Noonan on Cancel Culture

Colin Jost

Lowell Fitzroy… Mikey Day

Janet Noonan… Heidi Gardner.

[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]

Colin Jost: A new social activist group has spared controversy online prompting many different claim that cancel culture has gone too far. Here to discuss are the group’s founders, 2 and 3.

[Lowell Fitzroy and Janet Noonan slide in]

Lowell Fitzroy: Thank you, Colin.

Colin Jost: Hi. Welcome, guys. Tell us, what exactly do you guys do?

Lowell Fitzroy: Well, we notice that everyone was getting canceled and we love that.

Janet Noonan: It’s great.

Lowell Fitzroy: But there was one group who were seemingly immune children.

Janet Noonan: So, we expose problematic kids and cancel them.

Colin Jost: I’m sorry. You cancel kids?

Lowell Fitzroy: That’s right. We call them out on Twitter. Here’s an example – This pig’s name is Chase Powell. He said to a famale classmate: “You don’t have a weiner, you have a bagina.” Expel him now @PineTreeElem or u support classroom harassment & stand with predators like this bile-spweing piece of sourdough bread. #chasepowellisoverparty.

Janet Noonan: [clapping] Yes! Come on! Yes.

Colin Jost: Hey, how old is that kid?

Janet Noonan: That pig? He’s five. And let me tell you, he’s going to have a hard time finding a job now. And so will this little rat we canceled – We NEED to talk about Oliver Carson. This prep school pig is a HOMOPHOBE. He asked a friend in his playgroup why she had 2 daddies and “no mommy.” Normalize bigotry, much? #FlushThisTurd. Bye!

Colin Jost: That kid looks three years old.

Janet Noonan: Oh, so you’re defending him? Interesting.

Lowell Fitzroy: These kids need to be held accountable, Colin. Like this little demon whose life we absolutely destroyed – Trick or treat, smell my feet, this pig’s name is Lily Davis. She’s white as printer paper and went as a culturally appropriating goon for Halloween. Her phone # is 714-555-0157. Do you worst, Internet. #Doxxed #BuhBye.

Colin Jost: Yeah. I’m sorry, guys. But doxing elementary school kids cannot be healing society.

Janet Noonan: That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard either of you say. Sorry, I just don’t find Weekend Update portion of your show amusing. Never have. Sorry if that hurts.

Colin Jost: Yeah, we’re okay. But thanks so much for coming by.

Lowell Fitzroy: Wait. We have one more piece of garbage to expose – Congrats! It’s a…RACIST. Confetti emoji. This piglet CRIED when she was delivered by an AFRICAN AMERICAN doctor. Yeah, nope. The C in her C-Section stands for #CANCELED.

Colin Jost: Alright, it was a baby. The Kid Cancel, everyone.

Sexual Harassment Charlie

Glen… Beck Bennett

Jenny… Aidy Bryant

Amanda… Cecily Strong

Denice… Leslie Jones

Janet… Melissa Villaseñor

Doug… James Franco

Charlie… Kenan Thompson

Tommy… Mikey Day

[Starts with Glen talking to his employees]

Glen: Folks, can I get you to gather over here? Sorry to interrupt your lunch, everyone. I just want you all to be clear that here at Beta Corp, we have zero tolerance for workplace sexual harassment. And all offenders will be trminated.

[The employees applaud]

That being said, unfortunately, we had to fire our CFO Doug Giffer.

Jenny: Finally.

Amanda: Yeah. Good riddance.

Denice: Bastard!

Glen: And, also our front desk guy, Charlie.

Employees: Aww.

Janet: Not Charlie!

Glen: And if it’s okay, we’ve asked them to come out and formally apologize to all of you before they leave. Come on out here, guys.

[Doug and Charlie walk in]

Doug: [sigh] Thank you, Glen. I just want to say to all of you that I am deeply and truly sorry for anything inappropriate that I may have done while working here.

Charlie: Yeah. My bad.

Doug: Janet in particular. I know that I have playfully referred to you as my little honeybee. And it made you feel uncomfortable. And I know now, it was wrong. And I’m sorry.

Janet: It was gross. And you’re gross.

Charlie: [Charlie does not sound serious at all] Janet, I know that sometimes you would walk by me. And I’d be saying something like, “Umm, umm.” Then I’d shake my head, do a little dance, and ask you not to hurt nobody with that thing. It was wrong. I’m sorry.

Janet: [laughing] Charlie, you’re so crazy.

Amanda: Oh, that is classic Charlie.

[Doug is confused]

Doug: Um, okay. Um, Amanda, there was one time at a meeting recently where I commented on your dress and your figure and even though I mentioned it was a compliment, apparently, it was still inappropriate. So, for that, I’m sorry.

Amanda: Oh, apparently? Okay. Well, apparently, you still don’t get it. And that’s why they fired your creep ass.

[All the employees clap]

Charlie: Mandy, Mandy, sweeter than candy. I remember I said something about that dress too. I think it was a long lines of, “Umm, umm. Woman, you are thicker than a bowl of biscuit. Why don’t you make Charlie a pair with extra jelly?” Then I did a little dance. Told you not to hurt nobody with that thing. It wasn’t appropriate. That’s my bad.

Amanda: [laughing] Charlie, you are just too much.

Charlie: Oh, you know I ain’t got no sense.

Denice: [to Glen] You can’t fire Charlie. It’s just Charlie.

Glen: It was a corporate decision, Denice. My hands are tied.

Doug: Wait, um, Denice…

Denice: What, creep?

Doug: Look, I know that you didn’t like me suggesting to you that you get further ahead in this business if you smiled a little more, but it was just advice.

Denice: Well, it sucked and you suck.

Jenny: Ah! That is legit awful, Doug!

Doug: Okay. I know. That’s why I’m saying sorry now.

Charlie: Denice. You know, at one time, I think I may have suggested that if I was 11 years younger, I’d put you in a large sack, throw you in a truck, drive you to my sister Betty’s house with a big old medical bed, crack open all the window to show you a good old times for 28 minutes.

Denice: [laughing] I guess that’s my loss, Charlie.

Doug: How are you okay with that

Denice: Shut up, man! That’s just Charlie.

Amanda: Yeah. He’s a sweet old man.

Jenny: Glen, you can’t fire Charlie. It’s the holidays.

Glen: Believe me, I don’t want to. I wish I was just firing Doug too.

Doug: What?

Charlie: No, no, no. Don’t worry about me sweet sexy Jenny. Maybe I can get a job at Santa. Then I can sneak down your chimney, tie up your old man, crack open all the windows and give you a 28 minutes present. Umm, umm. Girl, don’t you hurt nobody with that thing!

Jenny: [laughing] Thank you, Charlie.

Doug: Thank you? He said he wants to break into your home, tie up your husband and crack open the window for some reason.

Charlie: That’s to getting the funk out.

Doug: Okay, and then, have sex with you.

Jenny: Okay, don’t make it gross, Doug!

Janet: Yeah. Why do you have to make everything sexual?

Amanda: He’s a sweet old man. What is your deal?

Doug: Well, it just feels like you guys are going easier on him coz he’s a charming old black man and he has done way worse stuff!

Tommy: But, he’s Charlie!

Doug: What does that mean?

Charlie: Look, maybe Doug is right. Tommy, you remember that time I met your fine ass wife at the office Christmas party?

Tommy: Of course, I do, Charlie.

Denice: I remember that.

Charlie: And I held her hand up and twirled her around and then I yelled out, “Ain’t no way lil’ bitty Tommy hitting this thing right.”

Tommy: Yes.

Charlie: And then, later on, I saw your junk at the urinal and it was a good stuff. So I went back out to the party and I yelled out, “I stand corrected. Homeboy Tommy is packing some heat!” And then everybody laughed.

Tommy: [smiling and nodding his head] Yeah.

Charlie: You think that’s why I’m getting fired?

Glen: Um, no. No. It’s not, Charlie. It actually has nothing to do with sexual harassment. The corporate says they have you on camera stealing $380 in petty cash. Plus, they found half a pound of cocaine in a bag of tiny balloons in your locker room.

Charlie: Oh, okay.

Glen: And you saved a ton of pornography into the lobby desktop in folder marked “Charlie’s stuff.”

Charlie: Oh! So you found that.

Glen: Yeah. And you signed out the company van, reported it was stolen and it was found three days later parked outside of a brother with your keys still in the ignition and your brother asleep in the front wheel.

Charlie: What? Claud was still in there?

Glen: Yeah. And your name’s not Charlie. It’s Ronald Washington. And you’re wanted in Pennsylvania for kidnapping.

Charlie: Oh! So it’s still kidnapping if I bring them back. Okay, that’s my bad. That’s my bad.

Avengers News Report

Janet… Cecily Strong

Dani Powel… Bobby Moynihan

Thor… Chirs Hemsworth

Iron Man… Taran Killam

Dr. Bruce Banner… Pete Davidson

Nick Fury… Jay Pharoah

Captain America… Beck Bennett

[Starts with Action News seven intro]

Male voice: This is Action News seven Special Report.

[Cut to Janet in her news set]

Janet: Breaking news. This afternoon as Ultron and his evil army of robots have been defeated. And once again, mankind has the Avengers to thank. We go live to downtown Washington DC where our reporter Dani is on the scene.

[Cut to Dani in in the scene. Thor is taking selfies with the public.]

Dani: Hi Janet, I stand here where just moments ago, the Avengers claimed victory over Ultron’s forces. Joining me if I can get him over here is the mighty Thor. Hey Thor!

[Thor walks in]

Thor: Woohoo!

Dani: Can we talk to you for a second?

Thor: [singing] We are the champions my friend

What’s up?

Dani: Oh, wow. Thor, what a spectacular showing from the Avengers. How are you feeling?

Thor: Oh, man! I am on pure adrenaline right now. I’m at like an 11. I’m cranked up. Whooo!

[Thor kisses Dani on his cheek]

Dani: Oh, my goodness!

Thor: I’m sorry. I totally just kissed your head. That was weird.

Dani: That’s okay. Yo, there was a moment there where it looked like Ultron was definitely going to kill everyone.

Thor: Yeah. I gotta give it up to those robots. They fought hard. But luckily, I’m Thor!

[The public behind him cheer for him.]

Pi-pi-pi-pi. I don’t even know what I’m saying right now.

[Iron Man walks in]

Iron Man: Hey, um, don’t listen to a word this guy says.

Thor: Oh my god! This guy. Love this guy!

Dani: Mr. Stark. Is there anything you’d like to say?

Iron Man: Um, yeah. [Iron Man takes the mic] To the owner of a Blue Honda Accord, your lights are on. Oh, yeah, also there’s a building on it. Relax, that was a joke. Rim shot! Keep up people! Peace in the middle east. I’m going to Disney World.

Dani: Oh! Ha-ha-ha-ha.

[Iron Man passes the mic back to Dani and leaves]

Thor: That guy has a dry sense of humor.

Dani: Oh-oh! And here comes Dr. Bruce Banner, a.k.a., the hulk.

[Dr. Bruce Banner walks in]

Dr. Banner.

Thor: This guy!

Dr. Bruce Banner: What happened?

Thor: You crushed it, man!

Dr. Bruce Banner: I think I ate a guy.

Thor: Yeah, you did. You ate a bunch of guys. You’re nut.

Dr. Bruce Banner: I need to sit down.

Thor: Oh, my god! Oh, my god!

Dani: Dr. Bruce Banner–

Thor: Ay-Ay- Where is everyone going after this? We’re going out?

[The public cheering for him]

[Cut to Janet]

Janet: Dani, it seems like the Avengers are confident there will be no further attacks.

[Cut to Thor is dancing behind him.]

Dani: No, I don’t have official word, Janet. But I would say that sounds very accurate considering Thor is doing the running man. But wait, oh, here’s someone who can give us some answers. Avenger’s leader, Nick Fury.

[Nick Fury walks in]

Mr. Fury.

Nick Fury: What?

Dani: Does Ultron still pose a threat?

Nick Fury: No!

Dani: Great! You heard it here first.

[Thor and Iron Man walk in and pours a bucket of ice and water on Nick Fury]

Nick Fury: I’m freezing!

Thor: Stark’s idea! Ha-ha-ha-ha.

[Captin America walks in]

Captin America: Hey, may I address your viewers?

Dani: Of course. Janet, I am joined now by Captain America.

Captin America: Citizens, please be aware. The mayor’s order to remain in your home is still in effect. [Thor is mocking Captin America from behind] Many buildings are unstable and several fires are not yet contained. Thank you.

Dani: Thank you, sir.

[Cut to Janet]

Janet: Dani, do you have any new information about the extent of the damage? And when those evacuated might be allowed to return to their home?

[Cut to Dani. Thor is dancing behind.]

Dani: No, but Thor just informed me that the victory party is at the Dave&Busters on 9th street. And there also might be some late night karaoke. Okay, hey Thor. Still going.

[Thor takes the mic from Dani]

Thor: Hey, can I do a shoutout?

Dani: Of course, yeah!

Thor: Shout out to my brother Loki. I mean, I know we had our differences in the past and he tried to take over the world, but I love you man! And um, my ex! My ex, Jane. How do you like me now? Boom! Ha-ha. What else? What else? Check out my podcast on Soundcloud. It’s sick. It’s sick. Oh, and I’m sorry, we just destroyed your city.I love my life. Whooo!

[public cheering for Thor]

[Dani gives his hand for a high-five. Thor gives Dani a high-five, it breaks Dani’s hand.]

Dani: [screaming] Oh, my god!

[Cut to Janet]

Janet: Thank you, Dani. Our live coverage continues after this.

[Ends with Action News seven outro]

Office Apology

Glen… Beck Bennett

Jenny… Aidy Bryant

Janet… Melissa Villaseñor

Linda Pillard… Scarlett Johansson

Mikey Day

Charlie… Kenan Thompson

Amanda… Cecily Strong

David… Bowen Yang

[Starts with a man announcing in his office]

Glen: Okay, if I can just get everybody’s attention. I know things got a little wild at last night’s holiday party. But I just want to be clear, this is still an office. And we have zero tolerance for any workplace harassment.

[Cut to the employees applausing]

[Cut to Glen]

Glen: All right, that being said, unfortunately, we have to fire our vice president of sales, Linda Pillard.

[Cut to the employees]

Jenny: Thank god.

[Cut to Glen]

Glen: And also our front desk guy, Charlie.

[Cut to the employees]

Everybody: Awe.

Janet: Not Charlie.

[Cut to Glen]

Glen: And if it’s okay, they’d both like to come up here and formally apologize. Come on out here, guys.

[Linda Pillard and Charlie comes out]

Linda Pillard: Hey, guys. I guess I had little too much to drink last night at the party and acted like and idiot.

[Cut to the employees]

Mikey: Oh, you think?

[Cut to Linda Pillard and Charlie]

Linda Pillard: To Janet specially. I think I may have mentioned some of your past inter office relationships in front of everybody. And that wasn’t cool. And I’m sorry.

[Cut to Janet]

Janet: It was more than uncool. It was humiliating, Linda.

[Cut to Linda Pillard and Charlie]

Charlie: And just to piggyback on that, Janet, last night after a little wine, I think I said something to you like, “Mm, mm, mm, girl, when you going to break old Charlie off a piece of that too?” And then I shook my head, did a little dance, and said, “Don’t you hurt nobody with that thing.”

[Cut to the employees]

Janet: Oh, Charlie, you’re so silly.

Amanda: Charlie, you crack me up.

[Cut to Linda Pillard and Charlie]

Linda Pillard: Right. And Amanda, I guess I upset you when I made a comment about your dress being a little short for a work event. And I’m sorry.

[Cut to the employees]

Amanda: Oh, you guess? Well, I guess you’re still a rude ass bitch. And that’s why you’re getting fired.

[all employees clap]

[Cut to Glen]

Glen: Hey, hey. All right. Let’s keep it clean.

[Cut to Linda Pillard and Charlie]

Charlie: Amanda! I saw that dress too. And after a few of them vodkas. I think I might have said something to you like, “Mm, mm, mm, girl, that dress so short, all I see is donkey monkey.” Then I did a little dance. “Don’t you hurt nobody with that thing.” Out of line. I stand accused.

[Cut to the employees]

Amanda: Okay, Charlie, don’t start nothing you finish.

David: Come on, Glen. You can’t fire Charlie. He’s Charlie.

[Cut to Glen]

Glen: I’m not happy about this either, David. But this is above my pay grade.

[Cut to Linda Pillard and Charlie]

Linda Pillard: Whatever. Anyway, David, I vaguely remember this, but apparently I was being really obnoxious when I kept asking where you were really from.

[Cut to the employees]

David: Yep, and I kept telling you. Boston, you racist.

[the employees clap]

[Cut to Linda Pillard and Charlie]

Charlie: To my man, Kung Fu.

David: Hey, Charlie. Lookie here, man, you know I had a couple of them bourbons last night and I maybe said something to you like, “Mm, man, if I was a gay man, your booty would be in trouble.” But I’m not so your booty all right. And then I did a little dance. I took a bow. And said “Don’t you hurt nobody with that thing.”

[Cut to the employees]

David:  Charlie, I really needed that. Thank you.

[Cut to Linda Pillard and Charlie]

Charlie: Nothing but love, Kung Fu.

Linda Pillard: Wait a minute. How is that not awful?

[Cut to the employees]

Jenny: Glen, you can’t fire Charlie. It’s almost Christmas.

[Cut to Glen]

Glen: Trust me, did I everthing in my power to just fire Linda today.

[Cut to Linda Pillard and Charlie]

Linda Pillard: What?

Charlie: Oh, Jenny, Jenny, Jenny. don’t you worry about me, baby. Maybe I can become the Grinch and bring it to your house. But instead of stealing all your presents, I’ll be stealing that ass. And it won’t just be my heart growing three sizes. Um, um. Girl, don’t you hurt nobody with that thing.

[Cut to the employees]

Jenny: I really appreciate that, Charlie.

[Cut to Linda Pillard and Charlie]

Linda Pillard: What the hell? It feels like you guys are going way easier on him than on me.

[Cut to the employees]

Mikey: Oh, my god! Get over yourself. It’s Charlie.

Amanda: Yeah. He’s just a sweet old man that had a little too much to drink.

Janet: We all did. It was a partly.

[Cut to Linda Pillard and Charlie]

Linda Pillard: But he’s still drinking right now.

Charlie: What this? Oh, this just a swallow to get me straight.

Linda Pillard: This is completely unfair.

Charlie: Girl, you are too fine to be so stank. Why don’t you slip on old Charlie like a pair of jeans?

Linda Pillard: What? You’re disgusting.

[Cut to the employees]

Jenny: Oh, just take compliment.

David: Yeah, he’s just being sweet.

[Cut to Charlie]

Charlie: You know what? Maybe she’s right. Maybe I did go too far. Is that why I’m getting fired?

[Cut to Glen]

Glen: Actually, that has nothing to do with why you’re getting fired. HR says your urine sample came back as Lipton iced tea.

[Cut to Charlie]

Charlie: Oh, you notice that.

[Cut to Glen]

Glen: Yeah. And you printed out pornographic pictures on the office copier and left them there.

[Cut to Charlie]

Charlie: Oh, all right. So it did work.

[Cut to Glen]

Glen: Also a woman who identified herself as her wife spray painted cheater on the company van thinking it was yours.

[Cut to Charlie]

Charlie: Well, I guess what happens in DeKado comes back nine months later.