Professor… Kyle Mooney
Janet Yellen… Kate McKinnon
Eminem… Pete Davidson
Dr. Dre… Chris Redd
Janitor… Jack Harlow
[Starts with college professor and Janet Yellen speaking to a class]
PROFESSOR: Wow, Secretary Yellen, it was an honor to have you with us today
JANET YELLEN: Well, Professor, it was my pleasure to speak to aspiring economists.
PROFESSOR: Do we have time for one more question?
JANET YELLEN: Hey, I don’t have anywhere to be
PROFESSOR: All right, anyone have a question? Come on guys, the U.S. Treasury Secretary is right next to us. Uh, yes, you, young man?
[Musical intro. It’s the music from the song “Without Me” by Eminem.]
SLIM SHADY: Two Silicon boys were talkin’ outside
Talkin’ outside
Talkin’ outside
JANET YELLEN: Okay, so what is your question?
SLIM SHADY: Two Silicon boys were talkin’ outside
Talkin’ outside
Talkin’ outside
JANET YELLEN: Yeah, I heard you the first time.
SLIM SHADY: Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Now what the hell’s an NFT?
Apparently, cryptocurrency
Everyone’s makin’ so much money
Now please explain what’s an NFT
I said what the hell’s an NFT?
It’s like real-life Monopoly
Everyone is doin’ it like Gronkowski
Can you please help me make an NFT?
PROFESSOR: Son, I didn’t understand a word you just said.
SLIM SHADY: Thanks!
PROFESSOR: That is not a compliment
SLIM SHADY: Hah! I disagree.
JANET YELLEN: I actually see what you’re saying, young man. Um, we are aware of NFTs, and there are currently—
[There’s Dr. Dre from the movie “Matrix” sitting in the class.]
- DRE:Excuse me. I can break it down for you
PROFESSOR: Excuse me, are you Morpheus from the Matrix film series?
- DRE: No, but I do have pills if you need some. The thing about NFTs is
(Verse 2)
Non-fungibles
GIFs of Ron Funches eating Lunchables
Or pics of Colin Jost’s face, very punchable
Digital images of Digimon doin’ scrimmages
Or a pic of a nun with a Nintendo Switch
Dictionary with a pic of Fat Jerry
I made it last night and now I got $3,000
And now I can buy me a GIF of Peter Griff-In
crossin’ up all-star ballers, who are taller
Look at these if you please
Supreme Court Justice Chuck E. Cheese
Bam Margera in a Mini Coop with Master Splinter
Amy Klobuchar and Adam Driver having dinner
SLIM SHADY: Hey, here’s a Thanos that twerks
For 24 million, it could be yours
And the prices go up and down, you see
So that explains an NFT
JANET YELLEN: Okay, well, that was just a list of complete nonsense, but you’re not totally wrong. Can anyone here expound on that a bit more eloquently? Anyone? What about you, man with the mop?
JANITOR: Who, me? Well, I wasn’t really paying attention, but if I had to explain NFTs, I’d probably say this:
(Verse 3)
Hey, here’s the thing about NFTs
It’s a non-fungible token, you see
“Non-fungible” means that it’s unique
There can only be one, like you and me
NFTs are insane
Built on a blockchain
A digital ledger of transactions
It records information on what’s happenin’
When it’s minted, you can sell it as art
And this concludes my rappin’ part
Motherf—–
JANET YELLEN: Wow, that’s pretty much what I would’ve said, so thank you.
JANITOR: You’re welcome
JANET YELLEN: I don’t know if this is too forward, but I actually have tickets for UFC 260 if you guys wanna come.
SLIM SHADY, DR. DRE, JANITOR: Aw hell yeah. No doubt.
JANET YELLEN: Great
(Outro)
SLIM SHADY: Na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na
Na na na na na
Nerds!