Jay Pharoah[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]
Colin Jost: This week, comedian Katt Williams made headlines for taking verbal shots at rival comedian Kevin Hart. However, the dispute was reportedly settled at a secret meeting of black comedians in Hollywood. Here to talk more about this our own, Jay Pharoah.[Jay Pharoah slides in]
Jay Pharoah: Woo! Wad up, everybody?
Colin Jost: How’s it going, Jay? Tell us about this secret meeting.
Jay Pharoah: Okay. The black comedians’ meeting?
Colin Jost: Yeah.
Jay Pharoah: Oh, yeah. [Cut to Jay Pharoah] We hold one every year at Eddie Murphy’s house. In his bowling alley.[Cut to Jay Pharoah and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: Wow. And then tell us, what happened?
Jay Pharoah: Okay, so first [Cut to Jay Pharoah] Katt got up right? And Katt was like, [doing Katt Williams impression] “Now first you gotta understand something boo-boo. This right here, this right here, this is war. There can be only one munchkin on top you ragged son of a bitch!
You know, but that’s when Kevin got up and Kev was like, [doing Kevin Hart impression] “First of all, pow! Ping pang bow! Here’s the problem. I’ll tell you what the problem is. First of all, you got a pern. Only black man get away with a pern is Prince. And he is Prince. You’re not Prince. You got to say hi to Prince, I do too, but I smile. Oh, my god!”[Cut to Jay Pharoah and Colin Jost]
And that’s when Dave Chappelle stands and–
Colin Jost: Hold on. Dave Chappelle was there too?
Jay Pharoah: I said it was all of us, Colin. [Cut to Jay Pharoah] So, Chappelle is like, [doing Dave Chappelle impression] “Hold on, baby. Everybody just calm down, son. Just calm down. We black, ou! We need to stick together. Trust me son. Hollywood is expecting us to fail baby. Let’s just calm down, go to Africa for a few years till everything cools off.”[doing Chris Rock impression] “Africa? Dave, who wanna go to Africa? Africans don’t even wanna go to Africa. And they live there. [making faces] [Cut to Jay Pharoah and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: So, that’s Chris Rock?
Jay Pharoah: Yeah, yeah. So then Eddie gets up, [Cut to Jay Pharoah] and he’s like, [doing Eddie Murphy impression] “Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. One second, one second. Everybody just relax okay? Everybody just relax. Everybody just relax. Everybody just cool out, alright? You know what I’m saying? We’re doing great at bowling, okay? Tracy Morgan, Tracy Morgan, it’s your turn to bowl. Pick up the ball. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Oh, yea. Tracy Morgan, ladies and gentlemen.”
And Tracy gets up, [doing Tracy Morgan impression] “Listen, I’ll bowl. I’ll bowl Eddie. I’ll bowl, you know. I’ll bowl right now. You know, Jackie Gleason is my biological father.”
And then Chris Tucker was like, [doing Chris Tucker impression] “Man! Then hurry up and bowl man. Damn! You’re holding up the game man. Damn, man!”
And then Hannibal Buress goes, [doing Hannibal Buress impression] “Okay, I just don’t understand why errybody has to yell in a site man, over bowling match in a living room. This is weird on so many levels.”
And then, Bernie Mac got up and said, [doing Bernie Mac impression] “Hmm, next time one of you son of a bitches have a party at Eddie Murphy’s house and don’t invite Macman, I’ma bust one of yous son of a bitches head to the white meat.”[Cut to Jay Pharoah and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: Hold on. Bernie Mac?
Jay Pharoah: Listen man, you got me. Honestly Colin, I made it all up. That’s what I do.
Colin Jost: Okay. Jay Pharoah, everyone.
Jay Pharoah: Boom!
Colin Jost: For Weekend Update, I’m Colin Jost.
Michael Che: I’m Michael Che. Goodnight.