Kids’ Choice Awards

Reece Better… Taran Killam

Jessie Kerk-Fatone… Vanessa Bayer

Brynlee Dobbs… Ariana Grande

Frankie Goodman… Bobby Moynihan

[Starts with Kids’ Choice Awards video bumper]

Female voice: Welcome back to the Kids’ Choice Awards orange carpet pre-show. Only on nick!

[Cut to Reece and Jessie]

Reece: And, we’re moments away from the coolest, the messiest, the most celeb packed award show this season, the Kids’ Choice Awards. Hi, I’m Reece Better. By my side, my BFF Jessie Kerk-Fatone.

Jessie: Thanks Reece. Everyone’s been dying to know. Who will take home such coveted awards as favorite cartoon and coolest hair style male?

Reece: Let’s check in with our young lady with this scoop, Brynlee. She’s backstage where all the action is.

[Cut to Brynlee]


Brynlee: Guys, the vibe back here is literally electric. Just saw dog from Dog with a Vlog take a selfie with I Carly herself, Miranda Cosgro who’s receiving tonight’s life time achievement award. I’d love to stay in shot but I gotta go take my seat. I hope it’s not too close to the Slime Zone.

[Cut to Reece and Jessie] [laughing]

Jessie: Well, I have a punch hole just in case, and I heard a rumor, 5th Harmony might need one too. Ooh! Well, the carpet’s winding down but inside, things are just heating up.

Reece: That’s right. Host Blade Shelton’s about to take the stage. We’re signing off because the Kids’ Choice Awards start…

Reece and Jessie: Right now!

[The show doesn’t cut them out]

Reece: Okay, it looks like maybe we got a little excited there. But who wouldn’t be excited?

Jessie: I mean, so many surprises in store. But there won’t be surprises for much longer. So, [danging] gettie up, y’all. Coz 29th annual Kids’ Choice Awards starts…

Reece and Jessie: Right now!

Jessie: Ya-haa!

[The show doesn’t cut them out again]

And all the stars, all the slime and it’s heating up.

Reece: Ha-ha, and speaking of heating up, let’s throw it to our cheeko with aw to access, Brynlee.

[Cut to Brynlee]

Brynlee: Yas. Guys, I’m back stage where things are really heating up and I think I might be busting a move. [dabs] So, you know what slime it is. The Kids’ Choice Awards only on nick are starting, right now. [Brynlee blows a kiss to the camera.] [The show doesn’t cut her off]

Yeah, boy. Off camera, my producers are making a lot of frantic emotions that I do not understand. But on camera I’m having a blast. Let’s go back to Reece and Jessie. I love you guys.

[Cut to Reece and Jessie]

Reece: Love you too, Brynlee. Couple of hiccups but now we can see we’re about 10 seconds out.

Jessie: Yeah. It’s a live TV but good things are worth waiting for and the wait is finally over. The Kids’ Choice Awards start right now.

Reece: Ta-ta.

[The countdown goes to 0:00, but then start counting seconds again.]

The clock seems to be counting upwards now. I don’t know what that means.

Jessie: We got a technical issue but you know what they say, time flies when you’re waiting for the Kids’ Choice Awards to start.

Reece: That’s right. Hey, Brynlee, what’s cracking backstage?

[Cut to Brynlee]

Brynlee: Um, all of it, Reece. Dog with a Vlog, I Carly and all the stars. [Brynlee pulls a technical support person] And this man, Frankie Goodman is part of the stage crew. What do you do? Do you make the slime?

Frankie: Oh, I wish. No, I’m just here to hand Blake Shelton his hat.

Brynlee: Yeah, boy. We got ragged gold hats back here. [Brynlee takes the hat from Frankie] You want me to try it on? I’m gonna look so insane.

Frankie: Um, are you Blake Shelton? I don’t think you are. [Frankie pulls the hat back] So, don’t touch the hat. Okay.

[Frankie walks away]

Brynlee: Jeez, just trying to feel the time here. Okay, so I’m being told the clock is fixed. Yay! It’s official. The Kids’ Choice Awards starts right now.

[The show doesn’t cut her off. The countdown clock is stuck at 12:00.]

Oh, my god! The clock is just flashing 12. And none of my producers are making eye contact with me. Reece and Jessie, I can’t even, guys.

[Cut to Reece and Jessie]

Reece: Ha-ha, neither can we, Brynlee.

Jessie: But the Kids’ Choice Awards have got to be starting…

Reece and Jessie: Right now!

[Cut to Brynlee]

Brynlee: Right now.

[Cut to Reece and Jessie]

Reece and Jessie: Right now!

[Cut to Frankie]

Frankie: Right now!

[Cut to Reece and Jessie]

Jessie: Please, right now.

Reece: Okay, clearly the awards are not starting any time soon—

[Cut to Kids’ Choice Awards video bumper]

Male voice: Welcome to the 29th annual Kids’ Choice Awards.

[The End]