Melania Trump… Cecily Strong
General… Kenan Thompson
Secretary… Sasheer Zamata
Jimmy… Kyle Mooney
Enrique… Beck Bennett
Taran Killam[Starts with White House in 2018.]
Bobby: Well, Mr. President, you did it.[Cut to Donald Trump in the oval office]
Donald Trump: Just like I promised, right?[Cut to Donald Trump and the others]
Bobby: Half way through into your first term and prosperity is at all time high. [Cut to Bobby] In two years, you really made American great again.[Cut to Donald Trump and Melania Trump]
Melania Trump: See? I told you. It is more than just words and the silly hat.
Donald Trump: First lady Melania is hundred% correct.
Melania Trump: Aw![Cut to Bobby]
Bobby: I gotta admit, you know, I didn’t think it could happen this fast. Everyone loves the new laws you tweeted.[Cut to Donald Trump and Melania Trump]
Donald Trump: Terrific. Just terrific. General, how are we dong in Syria?[Cut to General]
General: Well, ISIS is completely eliminated, sir. The country is at peace. All the refugees have returned and they have great jobs as blackjack dealers in the Trump Hotel and Casino in Damascus.[Cut to Donald Trump]
Donald Trump: So, everyone’s happy?[Cut to General]
General: They’re so happy, Mr. President.[Cut to Donald Trump]
Donald Trump: Madam Secretary, how is the situation in Russia?[Cut to Secretary]
Secretary: Never better. After your face to face meeting, Putin has withdrawn from Ukraine. Believe me, he does not wanna be called a loser again. He cried for hours.[Cut to Donald Trump]
Donald Trump: Well, I’m sorry. I just had to do that. Keep up the good work, you’re doing fantastic. Jimmy, how is the economy?[Cut to Jimmy]
Jimmy: Amazing, sir. Um, in the words of our new national anthem, it’s huge! After your tough negotiations with China, you are killing them on trade. They’re not borrowing money from us. I have no idea how you did it, sir.[Cut to Donald Trump and Melania Trump]
Donald Trump: Well, you know what? I don’t have to get specific. With me, it’s just works, you know? It’s magic. It’s just magic. It’s always been that way my whole life. So, let’s just see what happens over here but I wasn’t sure what’s it all like.
Melania Trump: Yes, you know, it’s hard to be president because the White House, it’s the smallest place Donald and I have ever lived. You konw?
Donald Trump: True.
Melania Trump: But we made it work.[Cut to Jon on the door]
Jon: Mr. President. Your daughter, the secretary of interior is here.[Cut to Donald Trump and Melania Trump]
Donald Trump: Oh, that’s great. Perfect timing Ivanka. [Ivanka walks in] How is the White House has everything going and how are the renovations doing?
Ivanka: Actually, not surprisingly, we are ahead of schedule and under budget. The private swimming pool in Cabanas are already completed. And now if you’ll excuse me, today we are covering the Washington monument in gold mirrored glass.
Donald Trump: Wow. [Cut to Donald Trump and Melania Trump] That’s gonna look so elegant.
Melania Trump: Oh, like beautiful hotel.[Cut to Jon]
Jon: Mr. President, the President of Mexico is here to see you.[Cut to Donald Trump and Melania Trump]
Donald Trump: Oh, that’s great. Send him in.[Enrique walks in]
Donald Trump: Enrique.
Enrique: I brought you the check for the wall.[Donald Trump and Enrique hug out]
Donald Trump: Go on. It’s so wonderful.[Donald Trump looks at the check]
This is far too much money. I don’t know–
Enrique: No, I insist! Consider it as an apology for doubting you. As history shows us, nothing brings two countries together like a wall.
Donald Trump: Well, I told you and it’s– I’m so proud of you. And changing Telemundo to all English for me, you changed that to all English, it’s a great thing.
Enrique: Of course.
Donald Trump: I am so proud of you.[Taran walks in]
Taran: Mr. President, I am so sorry to interrupt but we have got a big problem.
Donald Trump: What is it?
Taran: It’s the American people, sir.
Donald Trump: What?
Taran: They’re just sick of winning. They’re winning so much. It’s just too great, sir.
Donald Trump: Look, I know how they feel. It’s exhausting. But that’s what really– I mean that is the price you have to pay. Winning is tough, it’s not that easy. If you think that’s how it’s going to be when I’m president, you’re wrong.[Donald Trump walks to the camera and everyone else is blacked out.]
It’s going to be even better. I said to the writers of this sketch, “Keep it modest, okay?” It’s better to start with low expectations. That way you have no where to go but up.[Melania Trump walks to Donald Trump]
Melania Trump: So, this election season, before you vote, dream. Dream of Melania for first lady.
Donald Trump: Wouldn’t she be a great first lady?
Male voice: This message paid for by The Melania for First Lady foundation. A Trump Organization Company.