Judge… Kenan Thompson
Mr. Hubbard… Marcello Hernandez[Starts with an attorney debating at the courtroom]
Andrew: So with that said, Mr. Hubbard could not have been at the scene of the crime. Your witness.
Judge: Thank you, counsel. Moving on to cross examination, prosecution has the court.
Heidi: So Mr. Hubbard, on the night of your wife’s disappearance, what did you do?
Mr. Hubbard: I called the police.
Heidi: Really? Because records show that you did not. [Jurors making humming noise] And in fact the police didn’t show up until your neighbors call. [Jurors making humming noise] And when the forensic team examined your clothing, they found traces of blood. [Jurors making shocked noise]
Judge: Order. Order in the court. You don’t need any vocal reactions from the jury.
Amy: Oh, us?
Bowen: Oh, so sorry. We just did not expect traces of blood.
Judge: Prosecution, the floor is yours.
Heidi: For the forensic investigation, the victim was found with multiple lacerations to her abdomen. [Jurors making shocked noise]
Judge: Do we need to take a recess?
Bowen: Oh, no, no, it’s just getting good.
Sarah: I’m seriously at the edge of my seat. Like, look at me, I’m shaking. Look at me. I’m shaking.
Amy: Me too. My heart’s beating so fast. My Apple Watch thinks I’m like getting steps.
Judge: Order in the court or I will hold you in contempt.
Bowen: Did you hear that? Contempt.
Amy: Contempt, guys.
Judge: All right, prosecution, please, on to your next line of questioning.
Heidi: Yes, your Honor. Mr. Hubbard, you claim that you were at the office on the 14th but as the defense was saying— Looking at the jury, I’m sorry, what are you guys doing now?
Amy: Oh, we’re posing for the sketch artist.
Bowen: Yeah, could you please justify us.
Mr. Hubbard: I’m up for the death penalty.
Bowen: Oh my god, now the murderer is yelling at us.
Amy: Oh my god. I’m like crazy triggered. Can I just like lie down and look at my phone for a little while?
Judge: Order. Jurors, this is your final warning.
Bowen: Okay, now the judge is trying to silence three women of color.
Heidi: Okay, can we please move on? As I was saying—
Bowen: Oh my god, wait, I’m literally so bored.
Amy: Yeah. Can we just put on music or something?
All: Midnights.[singing] Midnight, I stay up
I’m Taylor Swift
Judge: That is not a song for midnight. That is a song from Fun.
Heidi: I just need to finish my cross exam. Mr. Hubbard? How do you explain the steak knife that was missing from your set?
Mr. Hubbard: It had been missing since we moved in.
Heidi: Really? Because in a storm drain nearby, detectives found this supposedly missing knife. Bailiff, show the court Exhibit B.
Bailiff: It’s not in here.
Amy: Oh my god, did you need this? [Amy is cutting a steak with the knife] I’m sorry this chicken cacciatore is tough.
Judge: Alright, that is it. Your three are in contempt of court for disorderly conduct.
Amy: Wait, wait. Sorry, but like real quick, who am I? [acts like she’s stabbing someone]
Sarah and Bowen: Oh! Oh! [pointing at Mr. Hubbard] You’re him.
Sarah: Okay. And who am I? [acts dead]
Judge: Oh, you’re the dead wife.
Heidi: Your honor, she’s using the murder weapon to cut up her saucy chicken.
Amy: Okay, relax, because I can barely even cut through this chicken any way. Wait a minute.
Bowen: The lawyer lady is saying he killed her with that knife.
Amy: But the knife isn’t even sharp enough…
Judge: To cut through her chicken cacciatore.
Sarah: Which means…
All: He’s innocent.
Mr. Hubbard: That’s what I’ve been saying.