Jules… Beck Bennett[Colin Jost in his news set]
Colin: The economic issues facing our country are very complicated and hard to understand. Here to explain them is the so-called free-thinking economist. Please welcome Jules, who sees things a little differently.[Jules slides in on his chair]
Jules: Wow, wow. Hi.[Cut to Jules and Colin]
Colin: I’m already worried. So what is the big general overview of the economy right now?
Jules: [Cut to Jules] Well, first of all, I just want to say that growing up, I wasn’t like other kids. Like if other kids were watching cartoons, I was like making hats. If that makes sense. So I guess I just—I don’t know, I see things a little differently.
Colin: [Cut to Jules and Colin] Okay. What about something like about the economy?
Jules: [Cut to Jules] Okay, so you’re looking at the economy, like numbers, charts, buy, sell. Meanwhile, I’m looking at a baby, and I’m thinking that’s what we need, open eyes, skin so soft, no bones, just love Colin.[Cut to Jules and Colin]
Colin: Babies have bones. Okay. What do you think about GM cutting almost 15,000 jobs? What does that mean for the auto industry?
Jules: [Cut to Jules] So, I don’t love taking like cars places. Because they’re just so like 1984 the book to me, like these were Orwellian machines, straight out of George Orwell if that makes sense.
Colin: [Cut to Jules and Colin] No, it does not. No.
Jules: So instead of driving a car, I like to like, [Cut to Jules] lay belly down on a long-board and use my arms the way a dolphin uses its fins. Sure, it takes longer. And yes, I’ve been hit by a couple of cars, but the thing about getting hit by a car Colin is that for just a moment I get to fly. [Cut to Jules and Colin. Colin has his palm on his face] Oh, look, Colin, chills.
Colin: Can I just ask, what do you do for a living?
Jules: I don’t know. I like to play.
Colin: Oh, so gross.
Jules: [Cut to Jules] I just see people going work like—ra, ra, ra! I need money to put a roof over my head. But if you have a roof over your head, how are you going to see the stars?[Cut to Jules and Colin]
Jules: And, yes, my dad [Cut to Jules] invented Oxycontin, and I get that makes a lot of money, but like we’re all just animals in people’s costumes, right?[Cut to Jules and Colin]
Colin: I have never hated anyone this much.
Jules: I guess the way I think makes me [Cut to Jules] a little strange. I’m kind of like dreaming while I’m awake, [Cut to [Cut to Jules and Colin. Colin pushes Jules away from the set slowly] while other people wait to go to sleep to dream. Meanwhile, me, I’m always dreaming because I see things just a little different Colin.
Colin: Jules, everyone.